Hi Everyone, I KNOW that HIGHER POWER is is in these boards and rooms and speaks through others. When I was in my 20s i was very depressed and someone told me about A l anon after hearing about my father and the alcoholism in my family. After 1 years in AL ANON the depression completely went away! I found my HIGHER POWER. I went to program for 10 years 30 -40 in new york city then I moved to canada where there was cross talk in meetings and not helpful. tons of gossip. So I stopped and just ready literature. I lived with another addiction for 13 years - and had a son with him late in life (son is now 14, I'm 55!) I have started phone meetings but my ex hit a SERIOUS bottom and he had legal troubles and we separated 1.5 years ago. I have loved the phone meeting but i am suffering from a Dark Night of a Soul/Depression and it simply will not budge!! I have a few hours per day - usually the evenings that I feel okay - but nothing seems to work. I have counselling, do yoga, work out, pray, do phone meetings, ask HP to help LIFT IT and try to eat well etc. I do not really understand this but I wonder if there are prayers in PROGRAM for this or steps that may help. I desperate want to meet a sponsor who has step experience if there is anyone here who can help LMK. I probably need to work the steps again and my CO DEPENDENCY is fierce right now. My father passed away a few months ago and going through a lot Kindly let me know if anyone has had anything that helped with depression from the program or otherwise. Thank you so much for your love and experience strength and hope!!
hotrod said
Jul 22, 2017
Hello Charlotte I am sorry to read of the loss of your dad and your on going depression. I know that you found solace and recovery at your NY alanon meetings and am sorry that you can not find similar ones in your new location . I found that working the steps especialy 4 through 12 helped me to resolve my anger, depression, self pity and fear. I was released from my negative coping tools and found the love, compassion,understanding , courage and wisdom , hiding right underneath.
We have on line meetings here in the chat room and a Step Board where we work the Steps together Here is the link stepwork.activeboard.com/forum.spark You will need to re register to post there Keep coming back . There is hope .
Iamhere said
Jul 22, 2017
Good to see you again Charlotte - sending you tons of positive energy and thoughts + (((hugs))) and prayers...I have seen posts here on MIP about the deep depression you are experiencing. I don't know if you tried to use the search function or not, but you might find some posts helpful - just a thought.
Like Betty, I am sure sorry you aren't finding the fellowship/support you want/need in your new location. It does sound as if you are working on your recovery as best you can so would also suggest a B2B - Back to Basics! I believe Betty posted Step 11 most recently - so you can certainly start at anytime or consider starting when she restarts.
Good to see you posting again - keep coming back! I too am sorry for the loss of your father and the troubles of life. Hang in there!
Jerry F said
Jul 22, 2017
Aloha Charlotte and thanks for revealing your "courage to change" the things you can and the willingness to do so. I learned in Al-Anon that there are consequences for everything we do and don't do and my sponsor told me "So pick the consequence you want and do the things necessary to get that". It seems you also know that process. I heard some stuff and learned some stuff early on in program about depression because it was a powerful emotion in my life. "Anger turned inward" was one of the things I heard and chased that thought down to a deeper understanding of who I am, what I thought and then felt and how I respond to life around me. I came to understand it and consider it rocket science over time. I found many in and out of the program willing to help me understand and today give away what was freely given to me. One of the things I learned also was that alcohol is and was a chemical depressant which helped me to control to a degree my own depression. I learned about the consequences of being born and raised in our disease and the consequences of victimization and degrees of powerlessness my personality went thru and I also learned about the consequences that came from the beliefs I accepted thru my family or origin systems. The organized religion I use to practice had tons of evidence as to why I should be depressed along with how I ought not accept the condition.
There is a myriad of helps available to use in and around program. One of the most important for me is the awareness of the presence of my Higher Power who I can speak and listen to. HP speaks when I am listening and HP speaks to what I know meaning in the language my heart, mind and spirit knows. I come to understand by it and it has relieved my depression.
Keep coming back sister with an open mind and the willingness to grow. ((((Hugs))))
mamalioness said
Jul 22, 2017
(((Charlotte))) so so sorry about your dad and the depression you are battling...I get situationally depressed, like really down when life just hits one thing after another...what helps me is to , I can't find meets here to go to, but I get on line and go to meets...call a friend...DO something motion wise, like a walk in nature, or going outside and observig the birds...connecting with the universe and like Hotrod says, working steps 4 - 12 helps me get level....
I know how you feel, been there a lot of times....with me its just getting older and tireder of life's valleys, but i climb out working the program and fellowshipping with other folks in Al-anon.............please keep coming back...
milkwood said
Jul 23, 2017
Hi Charlotte,
It is good to see you again.
When my mother died I not only missed her a lot, but was also an orphan (albeit at the age of 50!). My AH was not able to provide much reassurance and I felt abandoned, even though I knew that it was just the natural course of things. I went out and brought myself the most beautiful notebook I could find and promised myself and my Mum that I would only write good stuff in it which is how I arrived at my daily list of the 'three best things of the day.' I would list them just before I went to sleep at night and I liked the connection that I felt as I did so.
It sounds like there are lots of things that you are doing right for yourself despite all that you have going on right now, and awareness is such a big part of our recovery isn't it? I like reaching out for ideas, that is great as well. Keep on keeping on, it is a process and know that you are not alone.
Sending ((((((hugs)))))))
Bo said
Jul 23, 2017
Hello Charlotte...while I am not a professional, and I was never diagnosed with depression, nor do I think I had it, I think "being depressed" is common in today's day and age as people face this disease, the impact it has, and everything that results from it. When I was "depressed" and not fully and normally functioning, I struggled with simple day to day taken for granted tasks -- getting out of bed, taking a shower, eating, and so forth.
Regardless, you know what worked for you before. While that might not be a direct option today -- you are trying. Keep looking, keep trying. Phone meetings, perhaps online meetings, and whatever else you can do. Yes, a sponsor, with experience, might help. I don't know the process, if there is any, to find a sponsor here, in this forum. I am sure someone else can help on that. Can you reach out for people you know in program outside your area? Old friends per se? What about people here? Is there someone who you think could work for you?
That said, for me, when I was going through it -- I did find a sponsor, and he grabbed the bull by the horns, wrestled him to the ground, and helped me get better, from day one, moment one. So, I think you have the right idea. My sponsor, started me on doing the work together, at that moment. Step one -- powerlessness. Over the alcoholic, her behavior, what she was doing, AND over my depression. Not that I just laid down to it, but that it was present. I felt depressed. I was powerless over feeling that. So, we faced it. Head on. I didn't fight it and started to let it go and make changes. Small changes. I guess he took the best approach he could and knew how, even though I was depressed. Yes, I did "pray" and look for help -- but I had to do it myself. For example...knowledge of his will...AND THE POWER TO CARRY THAT OUT...I wanted and needed the power, for me to carry that out, for me to do what was needed, me! I had to do it. He wasn't going to do it for me...but he would give me the knowledge and know-how to carry that out...and so on. Now, this is just my experience, and my perspective. My opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Now, I hesitate in saying all of this, because I was not diagnosed with depression. Depression is a very real, very decimating condition. Sometimes, it takes more than just doing the work so to speak. Sometimes it takes medical, professional, medicinal, counseling, etc., and that type of intervention.
Keep searching for what works for you and take care of yourself.
Hi Everyone, I KNOW that HIGHER POWER is is in these boards and rooms and speaks through others. When I was in my 20s i was very depressed and someone told me about A l anon after hearing about my father and the alcoholism in my family. After 1 years in AL ANON the depression completely went away! I found my HIGHER POWER. I went to program for 10 years 30 -40 in new york city then I moved to canada where there was cross talk in meetings and not helpful. tons of gossip. So I stopped and just ready literature. I lived with another addiction for 13 years - and had a son with him late in life (son is now 14, I'm 55!) I have started phone meetings but my ex hit a SERIOUS bottom and he had legal troubles and we separated 1.5 years ago. I have loved the phone meeting but i am suffering from a Dark Night of a Soul/Depression and it simply will not budge!! I have a few hours per day - usually the evenings that I feel okay - but nothing seems to work. I have counselling, do yoga, work out, pray, do phone meetings, ask HP to help LIFT IT and try to eat well etc. I do not really understand this but I wonder if there are prayers in PROGRAM for this or steps that may help. I desperate want to meet a sponsor who has step experience if there is anyone here who can help LMK. I probably need to work the steps again and my CO DEPENDENCY is fierce right now. My father passed away a few months ago and going through a lot Kindly let me know if anyone has had anything that helped with depression from the program or otherwise. Thank you so much for your love and experience strength and hope!!
Hello Charlotte I am sorry to read of the loss of your dad and your on going depression. I know that you found solace and recovery at your NY alanon meetings and am sorry that you can not find similar ones in your new location .
I found that working the steps especialy 4 through 12 helped me to resolve my anger, depression, self pity and fear. I was released from my negative coping tools and found the love, compassion,understanding , courage and wisdom , hiding right underneath.
We have on line meetings here in the chat room and a Step Board where we work the Steps together
Here is the link stepwork.activeboard.com/forum.spark
You will need to re register to post there
Keep coming back . There is hope .
Like Betty, I am sure sorry you aren't finding the fellowship/support you want/need in your new location. It does sound as if you are working on your recovery as best you can so would also suggest a B2B - Back to Basics! I believe Betty posted Step 11 most recently - so you can certainly start at anytime or consider starting when she restarts.
Good to see you posting again - keep coming back! I too am sorry for the loss of your father and the troubles of life. Hang in there!
Aloha Charlotte and thanks for revealing your "courage to change" the things you can and the willingness to do so. I learned in Al-Anon that there are consequences for everything we do and don't do and my sponsor told me "So pick the consequence you want and do the things necessary to get that". It seems you also know that process. I heard some stuff and learned some stuff early on in program about depression because it was a powerful emotion in my life. "Anger turned inward" was one of the things I heard and chased that thought down to a deeper understanding of who I am, what I thought and then felt and how I respond to life around me. I came to understand it and consider it rocket science over time. I found many in and out of the program willing to help me understand and today give away what was freely given to me. One of the things I learned also was that alcohol is and was a chemical depressant which helped me to control to a degree my own depression. I learned about the consequences of being born and raised in our disease and the consequences of victimization and degrees of powerlessness my personality went thru and I also learned about the consequences that came from the beliefs I accepted thru my family or origin systems. The organized religion I use to practice had tons of evidence as to why I should be depressed along with how I ought not accept the condition.
There is a myriad of helps available to use in and around program. One of the most important for me is the awareness of the presence of my Higher Power who I can speak and listen to. HP speaks when I am listening and HP speaks to what I know meaning in the language my heart, mind and spirit knows. I come to understand by it and it has relieved my depression.
Keep coming back sister with an open mind and the willingness to grow. ((((Hugs))))
(((Charlotte))) so so sorry about your dad and the depression you are battling...I get situationally depressed, like really down when life just hits one thing after another...what helps me is to , I can't find meets here to go to, but I get on line and go to meets...call a friend...DO something motion wise, like a walk in nature, or going outside and observig the birds...connecting with the universe and like Hotrod says, working steps 4 - 12 helps me get level....
I know how you feel, been there a lot of times....with me its just getting older and tireder of life's valleys, but i climb out working the program and fellowshipping with other folks in Al-anon.............please keep coming back...
It is good to see you again.
When my mother died I not only missed her a lot, but was also an orphan (albeit at the age of 50!). My AH was not able to provide much reassurance and I felt abandoned, even though I knew that it was just the natural course of things. I went out and brought myself the most beautiful notebook I could find and promised myself and my Mum that I would only write good stuff in it which is how I arrived at my daily list of the 'three best things of the day.' I would list them just before I went to sleep at night and I liked the connection that I felt as I did so.
It sounds like there are lots of things that you are doing right for yourself despite all that you have going on right now, and awareness is such a big part of our recovery isn't it? I like reaching out for ideas, that is great as well. Keep on keeping on, it is a process and know that you are not alone.
Sending ((((((hugs)))))))
Regardless, you know what worked for you before. While that might not be a direct option today -- you are trying. Keep looking, keep trying. Phone meetings, perhaps online meetings, and whatever else you can do. Yes, a sponsor, with experience, might help. I don't know the process, if there is any, to find a sponsor here, in this forum. I am sure someone else can help on that. Can you reach out for people you know in program outside your area? Old friends per se? What about people here? Is there someone who you think could work for you?
That said, for me, when I was going through it -- I did find a sponsor, and he grabbed the bull by the horns, wrestled him to the ground, and helped me get better, from day one, moment one. So, I think you have the right idea. My sponsor, started me on doing the work together, at that moment. Step one -- powerlessness. Over the alcoholic, her behavior, what she was doing, AND over my depression. Not that I just laid down to it, but that it was present. I felt depressed. I was powerless over feeling that. So, we faced it. Head on. I didn't fight it and started to let it go and make changes. Small changes. I guess he took the best approach he could and knew how, even though I was depressed. Yes, I did "pray" and look for help -- but I had to do it myself. For example...knowledge of his will...AND THE POWER TO CARRY THAT OUT...I wanted and needed the power, for me to carry that out, for me to do what was needed, me! I had to do it. He wasn't going to do it for me...but he would give me the knowledge and know-how to carry that out...and so on. Now, this is just my experience, and my perspective. My opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Now, I hesitate in saying all of this, because I was not diagnosed with depression. Depression is a very real, very decimating condition. Sometimes, it takes more than just doing the work so to speak. Sometimes it takes medical, professional, medicinal, counseling, etc., and that type of intervention.
Keep searching for what works for you and take care of yourself.