H spent the night at a party rather than come home with me.
Mapper said
Jul 17, 2017
We had a housewarming/anniversary party to go to this past weekend. It is a very good friend of my H. I was a little afraid of going because my H and his wife had a falling out a few years ago, but are now over it, but it was still awkward to go hang out with people who I haven't seen or talked to in over two years. It actually went well and it was fun. The guy had a DJ friend there spinning records. However, H went to this party knowing he was going to party hard and probably spend the night. I had told him I didn't want to spend the night a few days prior so he emails the guy and says "Well Mapper will probably poop out by midnight but I plan on partying all night so save me a spot". Poop out by midnight?? We got there a little after 5PM and he thought I would go that late? Well we drove separately since he was going straight form work and I knew I'd be going home. About 10PM I say to him that I'm tired and I was leaving. He was okay with it but said "I wish you'd stay". Well I wish you'd come home with me like any other normal husband who is approaching 50 would do but you are opting to stay and party.
I am home and in bed by 11PM. He doesn't come home until noon the next day and he looks like s***! Tells me he was up until 3AM. I didn't ask if there were any other illegal substances being passed around because I don't want to know. He gets home and promptly pukes in the toilet, takes a shower and then goes to bed for 4 hours. Gets up and still feels like crap and spends the night laying on the couch. A totally lost day due to having to party like a college student and be cool.
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 24th of July 2017 12:45:41 PM
SerenityRUS said
Jul 17, 2017
Hi Mapper,
Welcome back :)
I imagine it's very frustrating and hard to live with someone who lives like a perpetual college student.
Are you going to meetings? Working with a sponsor? What have you done to make changes so you can move forward. I just am talking about you finding your own happiness vs being stuck and controlled by what he is or isn't doing .. it's a very draining experience when I based my plans on another person who consistently showed me this was who he was .. when I stopped living in what he was or wasn't doing and started living for what I could do .. things got different .. in my case my AH became my XAH .. that was my own personal decision.
I sincerely commend you for heading home at a normal hour and getting some sleep. I agree wasted day for him however what did you do?
Big hugs, S :)
Jayla said
Jul 17, 2017
((Mapper)) my AH does the party thing too just in a different way. He would drink with his buddies every night after work for hours and hours. It was soooooo annoying bc he had a wife and children at home needing him but all he wanted to do was party. And along with that came the infidelity. I decided to take a long look at my life and what I want (and don't want) and am still in that process. AH has been kicked out for over a month and has finally realized a few things about me and about life. I know I can't control him but I am seeking peace in my life now not chaos. I wish you the best of luck and the knowledge that you are not alone.
Mapper said
Jul 17, 2017
No I have never been to a meeting. No excuse as to why, I just haven't.
There are so many unfinished projects around the house that, if I could do them, I would, but it's beyond my ability. He gets all amped up about all this stuff he's going to do and has this great plan, but the plan bombs and he has no idea what he's doing so it just sits. If I ask him about it he gets upset because I'm nagging him. Well wouldn't you be upset with a pond that's been sitting empty with just a big hole because he's still figuring out what to do? Or a shed he's been promising me for 4 years now that hasn't been started? A garage that needs to be cleaned? All he does is sit and play his video game ad nauseum when he isn't working because, as he puts it, he just wants to chill when he gets home from work. Well, if he's not going to do anything on the days he works because he wants to chill or or on the days he doesn't work because it's his free time, then nothing will get done.
As for what I did yesterday, worked in the garden and did some freelance work on the computer while he was sleeping.
SerenityRUS said
Jul 17, 2017
When nothing changes .. nothing changes .. that's just a fact. If nothing has changed I choose to look at the common denominator which is me probably more times than I like to admit if I'm truly being honest.
I remember being so stuck and praying that God would change my XAH .. when things got different is when I started praying for the God of my understanding to change me.
If I remember correctly your spouse has been through job loss as well as rehab .. whatever he's doing or not doing is on him. I really encourage you to get yourself to a meeting .. if it's been 2 years and nothing has changed .. starting with me truly is the best place to go.
Hugs S :)
Jerry F said
Jul 17, 2017
Jayla ...Aloha and right on describing what the courage sounds like and looks like that is necessary to step off of the merry-go-round called denial and to focus on building the life you want outside of the disease of alcoholism. Good on you and mahalo for bringing the message here. ((((hugs))))
Bo said
Jul 17, 2017
Mapper -- welcome... you are in the right place...first, let me say, I hear you! Loud and clear. Been there, done that. Like many, I too felt -- not just like there were lost days -- but also lost weeknights, weekends, vacations, charity events, social events, weddings, and so on. I too got to the point where I was uncomfortable -- growing to afraid -- to go. It was debilitating. I remember the standard party line was "I wish you would stay" or "Please stay" or "I don't want to go home yet" -- and more than once I did say to her, well, I understand how you feel, and I wish (want) you would come home with me, like other normal, healthy people do. So, I get it.
At a certain point, I viewed what was going on -- with acceptance, and while that sounds simple, it was not -- and that this is how she chose to live, behave, drink, party, and so on. She made her decisions based upon what she wanted to do and how she was going to live her life. And, there was nothing I could do to change her, her mind, her decisions, and so on. But, I could change me.
First, yes, I would attend face to face meetings. As many as you can. This is the first step in YOU focusing on YOU. Try many different meetings in your area (if there are many different ones). While this is very frustrating -- starting the work, doing the work, focusing on YOU -- can help YOU feel better. Second, I would also suggest you consider finding and starting to work with a sponsor. This can be a huge step -- and it was one that changed my life. My wife was re-living her 20's, college days, etc. -- and I was going to meetings, focusing on me, and working with my sponsor so that I could get better. This is not about him -- it's about YOU. What can you change about you, your reactions, thinking, behavior, and so on, all so that you can get better and get healthy. You can find happiness and serenity, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. I don't know if that is with or without him, but you can find it if you do the work in al-anon. Getting hung up looking at him, what he's doing, not doing, his drinking, and more -- that is part of my being unhealthy. When I got healthy, I didn't l. yet her and what she was doing, how she was living her life -- I didn't allow it to dictate what I was going to do, whether or not I had a good day or weekend, and I didn't let it control me. She made it clear to me how she was going to live her life, and I couldn't rely on her. So, I got it. Instead of my life being about what she did or didn't do, I made my life about me and what I could do for me. That's when I got better, got healthy...and that's when I started to make changes.
All of the work I did on myself, allowed me to arrive at a point where I was able to make decisions -- from a position of intellect, being healthy, clear-headed, focus and clarity, which were in my best interests, well-being, and so on...whereas before, I was making decisions, or being paralyzed and not being able to, from a place of fear, duress, emotions, paralysis, frustration, and so much more. I ultimately made a decision that I could no longer live my life this way, and I filed for divorce, but that was me, my situation and my decision.
The one thing I always remember in these types of situations...nothing changes if nothing changes.
Keep coming back.
Iamhere said
Jul 17, 2017
Hey mapper - so sorry for the frustration, anger and all brought about by the actions of another....I can so relate!!! I truly was a lost, angry, confused sould most of the time until I landed in Al-Anon. I did not want to go and did not want to change but rather wanted everyone else to change to my way....needless to say, I was in denial and truly needed the loving nudges from others who understood to begin the process and journey of changing me.
I too have many projects around here that are in various states of completion.....After I'd been going to Al-Anon for a while, I decided to try and do what I could to finish those that may interest me. With google and YouTube, I've learned how to replace sinks, take apart/fix my dishwasher, paint baseboards, kitchen cabinets, lay tile and linoleum and much, much more. What was interesting is as I got into it, my husband rebounded a bit and we've actually done some projects together.
I no longer believe I can't do anything so recovery and the rebuilding of my self-esteem has been a huge gift in this life stage. I believe today that the best is yet to come, and I owe it all to others in recovery who came before me and showed me how to 'live' instead of 'exist or coast'.
You are not alone - there is hope and help in recovery!!
mamalioness said
Jul 17, 2017
Hey Mapper...
Welcome to the group and to the "i've been there--done that" my AH#2 did the same thing....he would get off ship and someone , one of his mates, usually, would toss a big party at an apartment that the CPO's like my AH#2 would rent...so they had a party place to hang out with and not wreck our homes that we had.....
anyway, the plan was , I always drove my car and he , his truck, because I knew I would want to leave after eating and a couple of beers and HE would want to make it an "all nighter" he never cheated that I know of, he didn't believe in adultery and I believed him because drunk or sober he was not into other women...he loved me..trouble is: he loved his beer and/or Jack and Coke as much
We would go the next day, when he got up, hungover to the max, and get his truck "the blue beast" because he never finished painting it and it was ugly.....we would come home with the "blue beast" , park it in driveway and he would spend ALL DAY recovering so that meant no "husband/wife" fun for me...How many fun things got cancelled so he coudl recover??? I would want to go for a drive to the country but he was too hung over, or maybe a museaum "no I am feeling like crap--next time" oh yea
Finally I decided that I wanted more...much as i loved him, I wanted MORE THAN THIS....getting drunk, then recovery all day, and days later (if on leave) getting drunk again, and then AGAIN---recovery and fetching his truck from another mate's apartment..........i was done with it...
I told him if we weren't in recovery--WE----Me in Alanon---HIM in AA----we were finished....he called my bluff.....in Mid May , 2000, I packed up his stuff and told him to go....take his stuff he can't take to the ship to his mom's and I'm done...I want help
If I could have done it all again.....rewind to the time in history when I SAW things were not healthy for us...I would have gone to Alanon meetings...every day till I got "level enough" to make sound decisions....I would have worked the beejeebers out of the program, detaching from him, letting him do his thing while I got recovery...
I probably would have STILL drawn up my "by this date---recovery or we are done" I just don't want that kind of life...but at least, if i had had alanon , i could have had folks for support as I went through the separation-divorce process....
that said, I am now a "lifer" in alanon...here for life...to maintain me...to change me...to be REMINDED of that I can only change and improve ME...never another
If I cannot be happy and healthy with another's way of life, I either accept and work my program and stay----OR I accept and work my program and I leave....Either way, I zero control/influence over them...I do have control over MY choices...and now I use that control much healthier....
Alcohol as ruined so much of my life, I don't want it even around me...my next door neighbor, the dad, is a nice guy but a drinker...he asks me all the time "let me get you a beer--have a beer with me" I just think "YUCK" to myself and I politely tell him, "no thanks, I don't drink" and I say it kind because he is a kind soul but I want no part of the drinking scene.....I guess I am kind of a hard liner about alcohol in that it took so many decades of my life, I just don't want to be around it...I would rather eat and play games and chat and have clean, sober fun at a party/get together....
I do hope you can find a good meet near you..the support and love and good information you get is worth the hassle of taking the time to drive and go...they last usually an hour..when we had them around me, we would hangout after the meet and chat...I got lots of good support and info from the old timers....i work the steps all the time...practice the slogans...call my recovery mates if in need of some "recovery battery charging" and i am grateful for this program...
hang in there and please give this awesome program a chance........IN SUPPORT
-- Edited by mamalioness on Monday 17th of July 2017 08:15:47 PM
KT2015 said
Jul 18, 2017
Hi there Mapper and welcome back to the board. I would encourage you to attend an al anon face to face meeting. There you will learn a lot of the tools that we reference on the board and will find a group of people who can understand what you are going through. I also live with an active alcoholic and your post reminded me a lot of me when I first started al anon. What I found helpful in Al Anon was the ability to focus on myself and take my focus off the alcoholic. As my sponsor would often say in the early days "the Alcoholic is going to drink what are you going to do?". That really helped me put it in perspective. I can't change him but I can change me. And I spent a lot of time focusing on my AH and not focusing enough on myself. This program has taught me to make a better happier life for myself no matter if the alcoholic is drinking or not and that has been a true gift. I wish you all the best.
Mapper said
Jul 24, 2017
This weekend he was very obnoxious due to his drinking. He came home from work on Saturday and he either comes home upset and tired or on an elated high. This time he was super happy because he didn't have to work on Sunday. He was all concerned with me on Friday night because I was (apparently) quieter than usual. I was tired and it was hot. That just got him all concerned because I'm always Miss Happy--and god forbid I be anything but happy because if I'm upset or worried he says then he gets that way and he just wants everything to be ok. He came home from work on Saturday and in his upbeat mood and snidely goes "Are you over being all glum"? I was simply tired but he couldn't get over the fact that I was apparently being grumpy and too quiet. Yet he comes home with such mood swings on a daily basis and I never comment on that but it's a huge deal when I'm not upbeat. Then he starts drinking and polished off a 6 pack of beer starting at 6PM. By 8PM he was obnoxious and loud as hell. I just wanted him to go away. Instead I went to bed. The next morning he was quiet because he was hungover, but by 3PM he was back to drinking again and was obnoxious again by 8PM. The only thing that got done all weekend was him playing video games and drinking.
-- Edited by Mapper on Monday 24th of July 2017 12:57:08 PM
Bo said
Jul 24, 2017
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
When this type of thing happened to me, I just kept detaching -- in a kind way -- and I made sure I didn't get "sucked" into the drama, chaos, turmoil, and so forth. Focus on your role and not participating, contributing, and enabling the unhealthy dialogue, way of living, etc. Do what is best for you. If the tug of war starts...just drop the rope! Talk to your sponsor and keep working on YOU.
Keep focusing on YOU and what you need, want, etc. to do.
mamalioness said
Jul 24, 2017
Hey Mapper, I gotta agree with Bo, here...Nothing changes if nothing changes and the only thing you can change is you....I don't engage with someone who is confrontational or ugly in anyway....I just detach....let go...non response...non resistance...even walk away if need be...a fight/argument takes TWO to do it...If I don't engage, the negativity dissolves.....
-- Edited by mamalioness on Monday 24th of July 2017 03:22:49 PM
mamalioness said
Jul 24, 2017
now this is NOT to say I don't set boundaries where appropriate...I have a very "ugly" acting female, young neighbor who lives with her dad (my friend) and she is nasty..cussed me out when I told her to keep her dog out of my yard..that is my space, etc., and when she cussed me out, I told her the next time dog is in my yard, (this had happend at least 6 times) I'm calling the city...Well?? she did not supervise her pet, after my clear and firm warning, and she jumped in my yard...I said nada to "miss ugly" I just dropped a dime on her, city came out, cited her for $150 for dog bothering neighborhood.....I had warned her and was nice about it , I think I was pretty patient but when she cussed me out, negotiations ceased and it cost her $150
We had a housewarming/anniversary party to go to this past weekend. It is a very good friend of my H. I was a little afraid of going because my H and his wife had a falling out a few years ago, but are now over it, but it was still awkward to go hang out with people who I haven't seen or talked to in over two years. It actually went well and it was fun. The guy had a DJ friend there spinning records. However, H went to this party knowing he was going to party hard and probably spend the night. I had told him I didn't want to spend the night a few days prior so he emails the guy and says "Well Mapper will probably poop out by midnight but I plan on partying all night so save me a spot". Poop out by midnight?? We got there a little after 5PM and he thought I would go that late? Well we drove separately since he was going straight form work and I knew I'd be going home. About 10PM I say to him that I'm tired and I was leaving. He was okay with it but said "I wish you'd stay". Well I wish you'd come home with me like any other normal husband who is approaching 50 would do but you are opting to stay and party.
I am home and in bed by 11PM. He doesn't come home until noon the next day and he looks like s***! Tells me he was up until 3AM. I didn't ask if there were any other illegal substances being passed around because I don't want to know. He gets home and promptly pukes in the toilet, takes a shower and then goes to bed for 4 hours. Gets up and still feels like crap and spends the night laying on the couch. A totally lost day due to having to party like a college student and be cool.
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 24th of July 2017 12:45:41 PM
Welcome back :)
I imagine it's very frustrating and hard to live with someone who lives like a perpetual college student.
Are you going to meetings? Working with a sponsor? What have you done to make changes so you can move forward. I just am talking about you finding your own happiness vs being stuck and controlled by what he is or isn't doing .. it's a very draining experience when I based my plans on another person who consistently showed me this was who he was .. when I stopped living in what he was or wasn't doing and started living for what I could do .. things got different .. in my case my AH became my XAH .. that was my own personal decision.
I sincerely commend you for heading home at a normal hour and getting some sleep. I agree wasted day for him however what did you do?
Big hugs, S :)
No I have never been to a meeting. No excuse as to why, I just haven't.
There are so many unfinished projects around the house that, if I could do them, I would, but it's beyond my ability. He gets all amped up about all this stuff he's going to do and has this great plan, but the plan bombs and he has no idea what he's doing so it just sits. If I ask him about it he gets upset because I'm nagging him. Well wouldn't you be upset with a pond that's been sitting empty with just a big hole because he's still figuring out what to do? Or a shed he's been promising me for 4 years now that hasn't been started? A garage that needs to be cleaned? All he does is sit and play his video game ad nauseum when he isn't working because, as he puts it, he just wants to chill when he gets home from work. Well, if he's not going to do anything on the days he works because he wants to chill or or on the days he doesn't work because it's his free time, then nothing will get done.
As for what I did yesterday, worked in the garden and did some freelance work on the computer while he was sleeping.
I remember being so stuck and praying that God would change my XAH .. when things got different is when I started praying for the God of my understanding to change me.
If I remember correctly your spouse has been through job loss as well as rehab .. whatever he's doing or not doing is on him. I really encourage you to get yourself to a meeting .. if it's been 2 years and nothing has changed .. starting with me truly is the best place to go.
Hugs S :)
Jayla ...Aloha and right on describing what the courage sounds like and looks like that is necessary to step off of the merry-go-round called denial and to focus on building the life you want outside of the disease of alcoholism. Good on you and mahalo for bringing the message here. ((((hugs))))
At a certain point, I viewed what was going on -- with acceptance, and while that sounds simple, it was not -- and that this is how she chose to live, behave, drink, party, and so on. She made her decisions based upon what she wanted to do and how she was going to live her life. And, there was nothing I could do to change her, her mind, her decisions, and so on. But, I could change me.
First, yes, I would attend face to face meetings. As many as you can. This is the first step in YOU focusing on YOU. Try many different meetings in your area (if there are many different ones). While this is very frustrating -- starting the work, doing the work, focusing on YOU -- can help YOU feel better. Second, I would also suggest you consider finding and starting to work with a sponsor. This can be a huge step -- and it was one that changed my life. My wife was re-living her 20's, college days, etc. -- and I was going to meetings, focusing on me, and working with my sponsor so that I could get better. This is not about him -- it's about YOU. What can you change about you, your reactions, thinking, behavior, and so on, all so that you can get better and get healthy. You can find happiness and serenity, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not. I don't know if that is with or without him, but you can find it if you do the work in al-anon. Getting hung up looking at him, what he's doing, not doing, his drinking, and more -- that is part of my being unhealthy. When I got healthy, I didn't l. yet her and what she was doing, how she was living her life -- I didn't allow it to dictate what I was going to do, whether or not I had a good day or weekend, and I didn't let it control me. She made it clear to me how she was going to live her life, and I couldn't rely on her. So, I got it. Instead of my life being about what she did or didn't do, I made my life about me and what I could do for me. That's when I got better, got healthy...and that's when I started to make changes.
All of the work I did on myself, allowed me to arrive at a point where I was able to make decisions -- from a position of intellect, being healthy, clear-headed, focus and clarity, which were in my best interests, well-being, and so on...whereas before, I was making decisions, or being paralyzed and not being able to, from a place of fear, duress, emotions, paralysis, frustration, and so much more. I ultimately made a decision that I could no longer live my life this way, and I filed for divorce, but that was me, my situation and my decision.
The one thing I always remember in these types of situations...nothing changes if nothing changes.
Keep coming back.
I too have many projects around here that are in various states of completion.....After I'd been going to Al-Anon for a while, I decided to try and do what I could to finish those that may interest me. With google and YouTube, I've learned how to replace sinks, take apart/fix my dishwasher, paint baseboards, kitchen cabinets, lay tile and linoleum and much, much more. What was interesting is as I got into it, my husband rebounded a bit and we've actually done some projects together.
I no longer believe I can't do anything so recovery and the rebuilding of my self-esteem has been a huge gift in this life stage. I believe today that the best is yet to come, and I owe it all to others in recovery who came before me and showed me how to 'live' instead of 'exist or coast'.
You are not alone - there is hope and help in recovery!!
Hey Mapper...
Welcome to the group and to the "i've been there--done that" my AH#2 did the same thing....he would get off ship and someone , one of his mates, usually, would toss a big party at an apartment that the CPO's like my AH#2 would rent...so they had a party place to hang out with and not wreck our homes that we had.....
anyway, the plan was , I always drove my car and he , his truck, because I knew I would want to leave after eating and a couple of beers and HE would want to make it an "all nighter" he never cheated that I know of, he didn't believe in adultery and I believed him because drunk or sober he was not into other women...he loved me..trouble is: he loved his beer and/or Jack and Coke as much
We would go the next day, when he got up, hungover to the max, and get his truck "the blue beast" because he never finished painting it and it was ugly.....we would come home with the "blue beast" , park it in driveway and he would spend ALL DAY recovering so that meant no "husband/wife" fun for me...How many fun things got cancelled so he coudl recover??? I would want to go for a drive to the country but he was too hung over, or maybe a museaum "no I am feeling like crap--next time" oh yea
Finally I decided that I wanted more...much as i loved him, I wanted MORE THAN THIS....getting drunk, then recovery all day, and days later (if on leave) getting drunk again, and then AGAIN---recovery and fetching his truck from another mate's apartment..........i was done with it...
I told him if we weren't in recovery--WE----Me in Alanon---HIM in AA----we were finished....he called my bluff.....in Mid May , 2000, I packed up his stuff and told him to go....take his stuff he can't take to the ship to his mom's and I'm done...I want help
If I could have done it all again.....rewind to the time in history when I SAW things were not healthy for us...I would have gone to Alanon meetings...every day till I got "level enough" to make sound decisions....I would have worked the beejeebers out of the program, detaching from him, letting him do his thing while I got recovery...
I probably would have STILL drawn up my "by this date---recovery or we are done" I just don't want that kind of life...but at least, if i had had alanon , i could have had folks for support as I went through the separation-divorce process....
that said, I am now a "lifer" in alanon...here for life...to maintain me...to change me...to be REMINDED of that I can only change and improve ME...never another
If I cannot be happy and healthy with another's way of life, I either accept and work my program and stay----OR I accept and work my program and I leave....Either way, I zero control/influence over them...I do have control over MY choices...and now I use that control much healthier....
Alcohol as ruined so much of my life, I don't want it even around me...my next door neighbor, the dad, is a nice guy but a drinker...he asks me all the time "let me get you a beer--have a beer with me" I just think "YUCK" to myself and I politely tell him, "no thanks, I don't drink" and I say it kind because he is a kind soul but I want no part of the drinking scene.....I guess I am kind of a hard liner about alcohol in that it took so many decades of my life, I just don't want to be around it...I would rather eat and play games and chat and have clean, sober fun at a party/get together....
I do hope you can find a good meet near you..the support and love and good information you get is worth the hassle of taking the time to drive and go...they last usually an hour..when we had them around me, we would hangout after the meet and chat...I got lots of good support and info from the old timers....i work the steps all the time...practice the slogans...call my recovery mates if in need of some "recovery battery charging" and i am grateful for this program...
hang in there and please give this awesome program a chance........IN SUPPORT
-- Edited by mamalioness on Monday 17th of July 2017 08:15:47 PM
This weekend he was very obnoxious due to his drinking. He came home from work on Saturday and he either comes home upset and tired or on an elated high. This time he was super happy because he didn't have to work on Sunday. He was all concerned with me on Friday night because I was (apparently) quieter than usual. I was tired and it was hot. That just got him all concerned because I'm always Miss Happy--and god forbid I be anything but happy because if I'm upset or worried he says then he gets that way and he just wants everything to be ok. He came home from work on Saturday and in his upbeat mood and snidely goes "Are you over being all glum"? I was simply tired but he couldn't get over the fact that I was apparently being grumpy and too quiet. Yet he comes home with such mood swings on a daily basis and I never comment on that but it's a huge deal when I'm not upbeat. Then he starts drinking and polished off a 6 pack of beer starting at 6PM. By 8PM he was obnoxious and loud as hell. I just wanted him to go away. Instead I went to bed. The next morning he was quiet because he was hungover, but by 3PM he was back to drinking again and was obnoxious again by 8PM. The only thing that got done all weekend was him playing video games and drinking.
-- Edited by Mapper on Monday 24th of July 2017 12:57:08 PM
When this type of thing happened to me, I just kept detaching -- in a kind way -- and I made sure I didn't get "sucked" into the drama, chaos, turmoil, and so forth. Focus on your role and not participating, contributing, and enabling the unhealthy dialogue, way of living, etc. Do what is best for you. If the tug of war starts...just drop the rope! Talk to your sponsor and keep working on YOU.
Keep focusing on YOU and what you need, want, etc. to do.
Hey Mapper, I gotta agree with Bo, here...Nothing changes if nothing changes and the only thing you can change is you....I don't engage with someone who is confrontational or ugly in anyway....I just detach....let go...non response...non resistance...even walk away if need be...a fight/argument takes TWO to do it...If I don't engage, the negativity dissolves.....
-- Edited by mamalioness on Monday 24th of July 2017 03:22:49 PM