Hiya, doing some more thinking :D Wanted to share. I realized after a very recent crazy episode that I've been kind of (not sure what to call it) forcing myself into recovery. Like, I've been intellectually getting ahead of myself in the stage of recovery I'm currently at, thinking if I know and understand, intellectually, recovery tools, it means I know how to apply them FOR REAL. Its humbling, and now that I think about it, I can actually honestly appreciate the recent craziness for taking me to a place where I'm confronted with my REAL current state of recovery, which is not as advanced as I thought it was. This feels good, though, accepting the reality of this, cuz it turns out I've been sort of deluding myself. I can see this tendency to strive for perfection in a lot of areas of my life, and as I'm quick-witted I've been good at taking many things in a stride pretty quickly. Doesn't work that well with recovery for me. I believe I now see my progress (and there definitely is some!) much more honestly, without adding to it that extra ingredient - plain knowledge/understanding of how to act/be/think with no substantial foundation in applying it in my life. I'm grateful of the many reminders that Alanon is a gentle program, that progress is what we strive for, and to take it easy on me. I think I could do that :) Didn't really do that before, part of it was definitely desperation to get as far away and as quickly as possible from my own craziness and unhappiness. Now that I've gotten a bit further away, though, I'm not that afraid of not taking it all in a stride. Thank you all for being here...

GFU .. sometimes these moments are necessary to move forward. You sound like you are exactly where you need to be .. keep on keeping on :)

Aline - your post reminds me that each day is truly a new beginning. I try as best I can to 'act as if' there is a clean slate. It's not easy nor am I deluding myself into forgetting that I am affected by this disease, but upon awakening, when I do my little routine, and keep things simple and focus on me, my days are truly better.

It's so different than most other 'things' in life! I grew up in a FOO where perfection was the goal and hard work matters. I believe I had worry lines on my forehead before I was a teen....it was in recovery that I actually learned that the key to a good life is not what you accomplish or what you have but rather what you give and how you handle it.

Good on you - progress is a much better goal for me today - perfection was an impossible goal that always felt hard and painful. (((Hugs)))

Aline thank you for sharing this. It's great for me to see how others process and get to acceptance of theIr progress. I'm a perfectionist and I also have intellectualised in an attempt to recover and quickly. I recently heard someone say it's all a series of surrenders and in between each surrender is the hardest.x

Thank you all for sharing your ESH on the subject. Yeah, I can see my attitude shifting some, especially regarding my job. I used to work overtime and try to be perfect, prove myself. But I've taken it more easy in the recent months, because, for one thing, I simply couldn't go on working like that anymore, and for another, I seem to gain no tangible results from that that would make it worth continuing. However well I was doing at my job this didn't put a dent in my misery. So the allure of always being on top of things has worn off in some areas already. Might come back at some point, if I ever get that excited about my job again, very possible. This reminds me of "do I want to be right or happy", only instead of "right" put "successful". Maybe I can do both at some point... :) Have a great Saturday all! I don't know about you, but I'm excited about the upcoming Game of Thrones episode, its been too long :D

I'm whistling the theme music already Aline

Each day is a new once, ODAT! You reminded me of myself many months back. I guess I had hit a "honeymoon" period in that the depression and obsession about my A had lifted, I was feeling better and stronger, and I was in a fantastic "wow" moment. I had arrived! And then life went on with ups and downs and more pain and disappointment, and I got knocked right on my butt. And yes, that's exactly what I needed. Progress not Perfection is such an important slogan for me. And also learning to be humble and have humility (my sponsor taught me=quietness of heart). This is an amazing program but I can never think I have "arrived." Each day is different, there will still be awful times, and to learn and practice all my tools is what I need to be doing. It's OK to be a newbie in Alanon, but I need to be aware of reality and appropriate expectations for myself and everyone else. Have a great day. You sound like you are on the right track, Lyne

I recently heard someone say it's all a series of surrenders and in between each surrender is the hardest.x
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surrender was the most difficult thing for me until I decided for me, that "surrender" means "quit trying to control/manage the UNcontrolable/UNmanageable" let it go...step back....but that "tweener" time, oh yea, fighting it, resisting it till I get tired of the bashing my head against the wall and I step back.....