I guess I'm going to try and laugh at my family instead of having a pity party. My sister and nephews are visiting for 3 days from CA. They are staying with an older brother who is a borderline psychopath. My sister loves him. I have a really nice brother and he and my sister aren't speaking. The older brother hated our mother so he never saw her or spoke to her and she died last Nov. My son and daughter-in-law are not speaking to my A. So we can't get the family all together because people are all holding grudges. Alanon has taught me to put principles above personalities , so I will tolerate my older brother when others are around. It's kind of a circus and I accept I have no control over any of these situations, so I have resigned from the fixer position. Believe me I have tried. Today I will leave it up to them. Lyne
2HP said
Jul 2, 2017
I too am struggling with FOO dysfunction this weekend... the martyrdom, the alliances, the proving, the competition, the crap-sniffing
your post reminds me that there's nothing more important or necessary than backing up... backing up.... backing up.... and keeping myself under God's wing of love and protection because joining the insanity is not God's will for me. just another opportunity for ME to express my great love for God, and not let my mind (my old patterns) run my life today, lol
thank you for your willingness to post.... let's laugh together (((big hugs)))
-- Edited by 2HP on Sunday 2nd of July 2017 02:01:42 PM
hotrod said
Jul 2, 2017
((Lyne)) Your program sounds solid as does your ability to accept everyone for where they are at and interact with them in a healthy manner.
My nieces and nephews have started a feud with a few taking sides and looking for my support. It is a middle ground that i walk as I have not taken sides and they are all still talking to me. Detachment and acceptance work :)
Check in an let us know ho it goes
mamalioness said
Jul 2, 2017
Lyne wrote:
I guess I'm going to try and laugh at my family instead of having a pity party. My sister and nephews are visiting for 3 days from CA. They are staying with an older brother who is a borderline psychopath. My sister loves him. I have a really nice brother and he and my sister aren't speaking. The older brother hated our mother so he never saw her or spoke to her and she died last Nov. My son and daughter-in-law are not speaking to my A. So we can't get the family all together because people are all holding grudges. Alanon has taught me to put principles above personalities , so I will tolerate my older brother when others are around. It's kind of a circus and I accept I have no control over any of these situations, so I have resigned from the fixer position. Believe me I have tried. Today I will leave it up to them. Lyne
Gee..Sounds like my screwed up family....I cut loose the toxins and the ones I do interact with are non recovery so I, because they are basically decent folks, just screwed up, cut them some slack, but I hold my boundaries....We are the lucky ones...We are getting better in recovery...I tell myself that when I am ready to strangle one of them...LOL.....Loved your sensible, will work, ideas here....and yea, isn't it great, resigning from the fixer position??? sure cuts down on the stress......Good job..and yep...Let them sort it out....
Iamhere said
Jul 2, 2017
Oh Lyne - I got a chuckle as I read your post only because I can so relate....my best approach with all that floats around my own is to take a back seat, pray for them all and let someone sort the @#%! out. I've tried for years to gather and bring harmony and peace and good Lord almighty - what a disaster!!!
I am the only girl with my immediate clan and guys are just plain different on relationships. I wish we were all closer yet watching the oldest and the second oldest almost have a fist-fight on the way (late) to my grandma's funeral was the 'message from God' for me!!! I was driving, they were in the middle seats and my children were in the back seats. It was awful, we were late and my kids were scared....what did I do? I became my father and threatened if I had to pull over, they were both going to get their arses kicked...
As I lay in bed that night, I knew it was an uphill battle trying to bring peace when others have no interest/desire. I speak to both of them and don't gossip with anyone and try to remain Switzerland in all family affairs - yet....I can so relate to your post. Reminds me at times of a TV Soap Opera!!
(((Hugs))) - sending positive thoughts and prayers your way! A sense of humor is a great tool for FOO!!!
WestMan said
Jul 3, 2017
It sounds as though you are learning to put the "fun" back in "dysFUNctional".
MissM said
Jul 3, 2017
Hugs Lyne. I can relate to every word.
Westman, almost made me spit out my coffee lol.
I guess I'm going to try and laugh at my family instead of having a pity party. My sister and nephews are visiting for 3 days from CA. They are staying with an older brother who is a borderline psychopath. My sister loves him. I have a really nice brother and he and my sister aren't speaking. The older brother hated our mother so he never saw her or spoke to her and she died last Nov. My son and daughter-in-law are not speaking to my A. So we can't get the family all together because people are all holding grudges. Alanon has taught me to put principles above personalities , so I will tolerate my older brother when others are around. It's kind of a circus and I accept I have no control over any of these situations, so I have resigned from the fixer position. Believe me I have tried. Today I will leave it up to them. Lyne
I too am struggling with FOO dysfunction this weekend... the martyrdom, the alliances, the proving, the competition, the crap-sniffing
your post reminds me that there's nothing more important or necessary than backing up... backing up.... backing up.... and keeping myself under God's wing of love and protection because joining the insanity is not God's will for me. just another opportunity for ME to express my great love for God, and not let my mind (my old patterns) run my life today, lol
thank you for your willingness to post.... let's laugh together (((big hugs)))
-- Edited by 2HP on Sunday 2nd of July 2017 02:01:42 PM
My nieces and nephews have started a feud with a few taking sides and looking for my support. It is a middle ground that i walk as I have not taken sides and they are all still talking to me. Detachment and acceptance work :)
Check in an let us know ho it goes
Gee..Sounds like my screwed up family....I cut loose the toxins and the ones I do interact with are non recovery so I, because they are basically decent folks, just screwed up, cut them some slack, but I hold my boundaries....We are the lucky ones...We are getting better in recovery...I tell myself that when I am ready to strangle one of them...LOL.....Loved your sensible, will work, ideas here....and yea, isn't it great, resigning from the fixer position??? sure cuts down on the stress......Good job..and yep...Let them sort it out....
I am the only girl with my immediate clan and guys are just plain different on relationships. I wish we were all closer yet watching the oldest and the second oldest almost have a fist-fight on the way (late) to my grandma's funeral was the 'message from God' for me!!! I was driving, they were in the middle seats and my children were in the back seats. It was awful, we were late and my kids were scared....what did I do? I became my father and threatened if I had to pull over, they were both going to get their arses kicked...
As I lay in bed that night, I knew it was an uphill battle trying to bring peace when others have no interest/desire. I speak to both of them and don't gossip with anyone and try to remain Switzerland in all family affairs - yet....I can so relate to your post. Reminds me at times of a TV Soap Opera!!
(((Hugs))) - sending positive thoughts and prayers your way! A sense of humor is a great tool for FOO!!!
Westman, almost made me spit out my coffee lol.