I grew up in a home with an alcoholic/drug addict brother. It was an abusive upbringing. My brother was verbally and physically abusive. He attempted, unsuccessfully, to molest me at the age of 9. He would physically abuse me in front of my Mother and as long as she didn't have to deal with it she did nothing. So I guess he thought he could try and molest me as well. Thank God my will was stronger. Although what he did in front of me would be considered sexual abuse non contact. He did sexually assault my best friend in our home though. My Parents were never around. Anyway. I have had a horrible relationship with my family. My Brother got sober and became a Saint. He was sober but still an asshole. He can do no wrong in my Parents eyes and has not taken any accountability for his actions. I did not tell my family he tried to molest me until I was an adult and when my Father called my Brother about it he denied it and that was enough for my Dad. When I told my Mother she told me to get over it and it happens to a lot of people. She then called my therapist and told him she couldn't handle it so she wasn't going to. My Mother has never addressed it with my Brother. She has gone as far to invite him to my wedding when I said not to and then she played dumb like I never told her and then her story changed to he just showed up. Which was a lie. I was off and on again with my Parents for years. My Mother started treating my kids horribly.She would break plans with them last minute of my brother wanted to do something even though plans had been set for months because she didn't want to tell him I didn't want him there. I broke completely from them over 2 years ago and have not talked to them since. Being raised this way has really messed me up. I was never allowed to have feelings because everything revolved around him. I am horrible with boundaries because I wasn't allowed to have any. I just feel so messed up inside.My husband doesn't understand my feelings. I hardly understand them.I have a good friend in AA and he suggested I try AL-Anon so here I am. I live in a rural area so no meetings close to here and I have 3 kids and my husband works a lot. I just feel I have no sense of self and that he won.
hotrod said
Jul 1, 2017
Hello Jen welcome I am so sorry that you have experienced such a painful childhood and would like to assure you that there is hope and help. Alanon is the recovery program established to assist families of alcoholics recover from he devastating effects of living with the disease. Alanon holds face to face meetings in most communities and the hot line number can be found in the white pages. It was at these meetings that i was given new tools to live by as well as the ability to look at the past and let it go. Please keep coming back and look for the face to face meetings. They saved my sanity and life
mamalioness said
Jul 2, 2017
Dear Jen
Welcome and you are NOT alone in your suffering as a child..I can relate to a LOT of what you shared with the family devient behavior (with me it was my father) and oh yea mom blamed ME...I wasn't allowed any boundaries either and when I tried to tell, I was blamed, shamed and out and out accused of lying......so yea, I can relate
I was so sick adn messed up, still dealing with grief and anger that I know is still from my ugly past, but I have progressed REAL far , thanks to alanon and the loving support I get from this wonderful community, the meetings, i had good sponsors, worked the steps to find out who the heck I was (yea, he even took my identity in that I existed in a universe of one..I existed the way he told me to exist) when I ran away, i drug my demons with me because I hadn't face myself yet...2 failed marriages (they were alcoholics---1 as abusive to me) i just kept repeating my past...a LOT of that is over with, thanks to program andworking all the suggestions...
Please keep coming back..You are SO not alone....most of my family, save for my dying sister and one alcoholic brother who is a very nice soul, 1 cousin and a few nieces/nephew, I dumped everyone because they were not healthy for me to be around...either they shame/blame me or they treat me like crap because of my wounds...I cut them all loose from me...I only want loving supportive and healthy people in my close circle....I keep it simple and true and healthy for me....
thank you for your honest and brave share..that took a lot of guts for you to come out and share....I applaud you for that....You're gonna do fine in this program because I see honesty, openess and willingness in your post.......hang with us, we will support you and just read the posts..surf the site and see for yourself...the love and support and honesty here is amazing........glad you stepped up and decided to reclaim your life............IN SUPPORT
jenmom said
Jul 2, 2017
Thank You both for your responses. I really appreciate it.
WestMan said
Jul 2, 2017
Hi Jenmom. Welcome. Hopefully you will be able to find a F2F meeting but until then the people here have been very helpful. You may be doing better than you think though. You've become aware of certain problems and desire to change.
Iamhere said
Jul 2, 2017
jenmom - I too send you a warm welcome to MIP - stands for Miracles in Progress. I too am sorry for the pain and dysfunction brought to you by this disease. It's powerful, cunning and so, so damaging - yet as stated above, there is hope and help in recovery.
I did see that there aren't meetings where you are. If you look up towards the top of this page on the left, you can find the online meeting times and a link to the meetings hosted here daily. Often, even if the meeting is missing a chairperson, there are others you can chat with. It was a lovely add for my program - face to face meetings are very active in my area - yet I needed more support when I arrived.
We use the 12 Steps from AA and work them much as they do. If you look to the top right, you will find a link to the Step board. You can read and understand more about how we work the program, and if you want to join in, you are welcome to do so - you will have to register again....you can use the same username and password - it's just a separate page/forum - thus re-registration.
Please know that you are not alone. Keep coming back!!
I grew up in a home with an alcoholic/drug addict brother. It was an abusive upbringing. My brother was verbally and physically abusive. He attempted, unsuccessfully, to molest me at the age of 9. He would physically abuse me in front of my Mother and as long as she didn't have to deal with it she did nothing. So I guess he thought he could try and molest me as well. Thank God my will was stronger. Although what he did in front of me would be considered sexual abuse non contact. He did sexually assault my best friend in our home though. My Parents were never around. Anyway. I have had a horrible relationship with my family. My Brother got sober and became a Saint. He was sober but still an asshole. He can do no wrong in my Parents eyes and has not taken any accountability for his actions. I did not tell my family he tried to molest me until I was an adult and when my Father called my Brother about it he denied it and that was enough for my Dad. When I told my Mother she told me to get over it and it happens to a lot of people. She then called my therapist and told him she couldn't handle it so she wasn't going to. My Mother has never addressed it with my Brother. She has gone as far to invite him to my wedding when I said not to and then she played dumb like I never told her and then her story changed to he just showed up. Which was a lie. I was off and on again with my Parents for years. My Mother started treating my kids horribly.She would break plans with them last minute of my brother wanted to do something even though plans had been set for months because she didn't want to tell him I didn't want him there. I broke completely from them over 2 years ago and have not talked to them since. Being raised this way has really messed me up. I was never allowed to have feelings because everything revolved around him. I am horrible with boundaries because I wasn't allowed to have any. I just feel so messed up inside.My husband doesn't understand my feelings. I hardly understand them.I have a good friend in AA and he suggested I try AL-Anon so here I am. I live in a rural area so no meetings close to here and I have 3 kids and my husband works a lot. I just feel I have no sense of self and that he won.
Hello Jen welcome I am so sorry that you have experienced such a painful childhood and would like to assure you that there is hope and help. Alanon is the recovery program established to assist families of alcoholics recover from he devastating effects of living with the disease.
Alanon holds face to face meetings in most communities and the hot line number can be found in the white pages. It was at these meetings that i was given new tools to live by as well as the ability to look at the past and let it go.
Please keep coming back and look for the face to face meetings. They saved my sanity and life
Dear Jen
Welcome and you are NOT alone in your suffering as a child..I can relate to a LOT of what you shared with the family devient behavior (with me it was my father) and oh yea mom blamed ME...I wasn't allowed any boundaries either and when I tried to tell, I was blamed, shamed and out and out accused of lying......so yea, I can relate
I was so sick adn messed up, still dealing with grief and anger that I know is still from my ugly past, but I have progressed REAL far , thanks to alanon and the loving support I get from this wonderful community, the meetings, i had good sponsors, worked the steps to find out who the heck I was (yea, he even took my identity in that I existed in a universe of one..I existed the way he told me to exist) when I ran away, i drug my demons with me because I hadn't face myself yet...2 failed marriages (they were alcoholics---1 as abusive to me) i just kept repeating my past...a LOT of that is over with, thanks to program andworking all the suggestions...
Please keep coming back..You are SO not alone....most of my family, save for my dying sister and one alcoholic brother who is a very nice soul, 1 cousin and a few nieces/nephew, I dumped everyone because they were not healthy for me to be around...either they shame/blame me or they treat me like crap because of my wounds...I cut them all loose from me...I only want loving supportive and healthy people in my close circle....I keep it simple and true and healthy for me....
thank you for your honest and brave share..that took a lot of guts for you to come out and share....I applaud you for that....You're gonna do fine in this program because I see honesty, openess and willingness in your post.......hang with us, we will support you and just read the posts..surf the site and see for yourself...the love and support and honesty here is amazing........glad you stepped up and decided to reclaim your life............IN SUPPORT
I did see that there aren't meetings where you are. If you look up towards the top of this page on the left, you can find the online meeting times and a link to the meetings hosted here daily. Often, even if the meeting is missing a chairperson, there are others you can chat with. It was a lovely add for my program - face to face meetings are very active in my area - yet I needed more support when I arrived.
We use the 12 Steps from AA and work them much as they do. If you look to the top right, you will find a link to the Step board. You can read and understand more about how we work the program, and if you want to join in, you are welcome to do so - you will have to register again....you can use the same username and password - it's just a separate page/forum - thus re-registration.
Please know that you are not alone. Keep coming back!!