Today's courage to change reading is about criticism and it's effects- both the excessive criticism we might have received from others, and that which we bombard ourselves with, before recovery, at least. Self-criticism is often the by product of living with addiction and dysfunction, but it deprives us of the opportunity to feel good.
It suggests that a patient approach to ourselves is needed to recover from these destructive self-abuses. Listing our positive qualities via a daily gratitude and asset list, and making a concerted effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones are good tools to begin changing our negative thinking with. The reading also suggests identifying an assert for every defect we perceive that we have. Re-programming our thinking takes effort and practice, and these exercises become invaluable tools that we carry with us forever once we have learned them.
***
I know that pre-recovery, my self criticism was out of control and I had beaten myself up so badly I could barely look in the mirror. Somehow, I thought the answer was to kick my own butt harder, because that was the only way I was ever going to "make myself be better". But I didn't do better, I just became more hopeless and self-deprecating.
Interestingly, when i began to cheer-lead for myself, and encourage myself to identify and celebrate my good points, I started achieving things and finding I was much better at "doing life". It's very, very hard to function with an invisible abuser riding your back 24-7. When you replace them with a super-positive best friend instead, magic happens
Have a great weekend all.
-- Edited by MissM on Saturday 1st of July 2017 09:03:56 AM
Aline said
Jul 1, 2017
Thank you for your service, MissM. Not being too hard on myself is something I'm also working on. I do asset and gratitude lists each evening for a couple of months now, but I still find that many days in my asset list I can easily write down "polite" or "kind" but all else is still pretty hard... If I don't live up to my probably unreasonable expectations of perfectness in any area, its hard for me to admit I've done well... So for now I often go with "mostly X". I figure this is still a lot better than not acknowledging positives at all. Happy weekend! I got remade into a brunette today, and feel pretty fabulous :)
Enigmatic said
Jul 1, 2017
Great reminder, thank you MissM for your service.
I grew up in an environment that was unforgiving when it came to mistakes, tolerated no deviation, and punished harshly. I adopted all of those perspectives and tools and used it on others and myself, with poor consequences all around.
I, too am grateful for the gentleness of the program, especially in working Step 4 and digging out my good qualities. I find that when I am more gentle on myself, I extend that to others...I am able to relax and feel more gratitude.
One day at a time, progress not perfection...
hotrod said
Jul 1, 2017
Great share and reading MS.M. I know prior to program I never even noticed the negative voices that I bombarded myself with constantly. Once I began to take the focus off others and placed it on myself I understood how I had been hurting myself all along. I made amends to myself by making gratitude and asset lists daily and by reminding myself of these when i was tempted to judge myself harshly
Thanks for being here and for you service.
Lyne said
Jul 1, 2017
Good morning~I was a long-standing member of the Doormat Club. Important loved ones treated me like garbage and that's what I thought I deserved. I made some progress over the years with therapy, but program has stepped up my progress. Along with my short-comings, which I am willing to work on, my sponsor helped me see I have many positive qualities. And my A also became a target as she was easy to criticize . And if she would have changed, my life would have been fine. NOT! It took program for me to see the forest from the trees. I try to have compassion towards my A and myself. It's a better way to live life. Grateful member of Alanon, Lyne
Today's courage to change reading is about criticism and it's effects- both the excessive criticism we might have received from others, and that which we bombard ourselves with, before recovery, at least. Self-criticism is often the by product of living with addiction and dysfunction, but it deprives us of the opportunity to feel good.
It suggests that a patient approach to ourselves is needed to recover from these destructive self-abuses. Listing our positive qualities via a daily gratitude and asset list, and making a concerted effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones are good tools to begin changing our negative thinking with. The reading also suggests identifying an assert for every defect we perceive that we have. Re-programming our thinking takes effort and practice, and these exercises become invaluable tools that we carry with us forever once we have learned them.
***
I know that pre-recovery, my self criticism was out of control and I had beaten myself up so badly I could barely look in the mirror. Somehow, I thought the answer was to kick my own butt harder, because that was the only way I was ever going to "make myself be better". But I didn't do better, I just became more hopeless and self-deprecating.
Interestingly, when i began to cheer-lead for myself, and encourage myself to identify and celebrate my good points, I started achieving things and finding I was much better at "doing life". It's very, very hard to function with an invisible abuser riding your back 24-7. When you replace them with a super-positive best friend instead, magic happens
Have a great weekend all.
-- Edited by MissM on Saturday 1st of July 2017 09:03:56 AM
I grew up in an environment that was unforgiving when it came to mistakes, tolerated no deviation, and punished harshly. I adopted all of those perspectives and tools and used it on others and myself, with poor consequences all around.
I, too am grateful for the gentleness of the program, especially in working Step 4 and digging out my good qualities. I find that when I am more gentle on myself, I extend that to others...I am able to relax and feel more gratitude.
One day at a time, progress not perfection...
Thanks for being here and for you service.