My step one used to go like this: Admitted that I was powerless over xxxx and that my life had become unmanageable. Over the years I have put a lot of things in that middle frame- including alcoholism and addiction.
Last night we had a 'chip night' with three grandkids, mum and dad... it was really good.... I am grateful that our mokapuna [grandkids] are must less at risk than I was.
A young girl has appeared at the local supermarket. My grand-niece. I realised that her late dad, my nephew, was much more than a nephew- he was a friend as well. My sister and I do not see eye to eye... ...well not at the moment. She held to the old nuclear family. Her boys here her kids alone. I hold to the principal of whanau- ohana in Hawaiian.
This was a part of my survival scheme, and a component of my higher power beliefs.
I was standing with J. The kid when her dad's body was taken out of the house they were living in. I put my arm around her shoulder, as anyone would. But any other input was rejected by my sister, and supported by her other grandma.
I have always felt for her, as i have for any other family member... I seem to run into her a lot at the supermarket. Maybe she is hungry for contact- I would be... and i always say "hi" and share smiles...
If I turn my Step One from I to we, I also reach for tradition One... I expect, after 35 years in Alanon to know my way around this one. Today when i put "alcohol" in the slot i do have wider questions.
I do understand the stand the AMA makes on alcoholism- that it is an illness. I do not live in the USA, so i do not come under its jurisdiction. In theory I can say what I like. But, to be honest, the same principles apply in NZ.
I do see things differently, as a family member- the worm's eye of the bird, as it were. I believe now that addiction is a symptom of the illness. After all, when person stops drinking, this is the beginning, not the end, of the recovery process.
Today i believe that I am powerless over stress, anxiety and trauma... ...this is much easier to get my head around. There is a continuum here, and everyone and every thing experiences is to a greater or lesser degree.... It is where is causes sickness and distress that we have to act.
This is why I am here, and why I first came along to Alanon.
DavidG.
hotrod said
Jun 30, 2017
Interesting share on Step One David . I agree that this is a "WE" program and that is why the First Step begins with the word "we" and Tradition One reinforces the fact that our common welfare must come first.
i work Step one two. three, 10 and d 11 every day. I know deep within that alcoholism is a dreadful threefold disease over which I am powerless. in my acceptance of the disease concept I accept hat Disease is defined as "a condition of the living animal that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms" Alcoholism fits this definition
I also accept that I am powerless over people, places and things. This helps me to keep the focus on myself, my feelings and attempts to control, fix or react. I am then left with myself, My anger, resentment self pity and fear and thanks to alanon's Steps, Slogans and a loving sponsor I can release these negative destructive feeling and find them replaced with compassion, empathy and love .
Jerry F said
Jun 30, 2017
I love hanging just outside of the old timer's recovery which is just what I did in early program and which is what allowed me to be present and invisible at the same time along with learning. I learned later they knew what I was doing and didn't mind at all. I still do the same thing only now it isn't only old timers who do the teaching. I am still alive and carrying it with me. Mahalo akua and MIP ((((hugs))))
Iamhere said
Jul 1, 2017
For me, and perhaps only me - never know for sure.....I believe I was born with the disease. It was in me before I walked/talked - anything. For as far back as I can remember, I felt uncertain, anxious, less than all others. I assumed it was because I was the youngest. I assumed it was because I was the only daughter. I assumed many, many things until I found recovery.
It is in recovery, from others who came before me that I found kindred spirits. I found others who felt like me, thought like me and acted like me. However, they seemed to have a secret handshake method to appear normal, upstanding and comfortable around others - we call them Earth people in some of my meetings.
It took me a long time and many rounds of step works to realize and accept I did not cause alcoholism in me, nor did I go out of my way to harm, hurt, blame, shame anyone - it was the disease. I wanted so much to 'be a part of' instead of 'a part from' that I was willing to drag down to my place anyone willing to join the ride.
I have grown up in public with the grace of recovery. I know for me that any people, place, thing or situation that is causing a rise of anxiety in me is a slippery slope. I am not afraid that I will go and relapse necessarily, but I no longer feel 'right' when my spiritual connection is broken from my HP. That special goal - staying aligned with my spiritual life is my number one daily goal and I am willing to go to any lengths for it.
So - I accept the disease in me as always present, from inception. I am not unique but I am also not wired like others. I am very grateful for recovery as there is no doubt I would never have lived to see the present year without it.
mamalioness said
Jul 1, 2017
hotrod wrote:
Interesting share on Step One David . I agree that this is a "WE" program and that is why the First Step begins with the word "we" and Tradition One reinforces the fact that our common welfare must come first.
i work Step one two. three, 10 and d 11 every day. I know deep within that alcoholism is a dreadful threefold disease over which I am powerless. in my acceptance of the disease concept I accept hat Disease is defined as "a condition of the living animal that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms" Alcoholism fits this definition
I also accept that I am powerless over people, places and things. This helps me to keep the focus on myself, my feelings and attempts to control, fix or react. I am then left with myself, My anger, resentment self pity and fear and thanks to alanon's Steps, Slogans and a loving sponsor I can release these negative destructive feeling and find them replaced with compassion, empathy and love .
Wow!! Betty, this would be great to print out and hang on to the refridgerator.....LOVE your wisdom.....I am really working hard to keep focus on me, my feelings etc., and yea, there are times I have a screaming episode at HP "IVE HAD ENOUGHL___STOP THIS" I have to feel the feelings first...THEN I can re-claim my sanity and say "ok..what can I do to take care of me?? what is solution?? or do i need to just walk away and let the chips fall where they may" lately its been "I'm a walkin...yes indeed, I am walkin" walkin away from all this crap...starve it of my energy and MAYBE it will pass sooner
hotrod said
Jul 1, 2017
Glad that you are back as well Rose
DavidG said
Jul 2, 2017
I went out to church this morning at the settlement where i grew up. The church sits overlooking a small inlet of our local lake. When I was a kid it sat down in the gully, until the lake flooded it 25 years ago.
I sat beside my old sponsor... a few years ago she decoded to leave Alanon for good- her decision. I decided to stay on and become a member for life.
We talked before the service started, as old friends would. Her hubby and I started a sharing open steps group in our small town. He and I had our 12x12 books- his for AA, and mine for Alanon... it was a great learning experience.
As I have gotten older I picked as my motto Alanon Concept 4. A real doozy. "Participation is the key to harmony".
When I first came onto the MIP board here i went through the steps and traditions again- to pick up on anything I had missed.
As an adult child in Alanon I found that there were some things the Alanons and AA's preferred not to hear. But over time, when I had a much better focus on my anger and shame, I was able to articulate things in a way that other people found healing...
This also gave me a big piece of relief and serenity.
Sometimes I have found members using the traditions as a battering ram- to create an Alanon that they feel comfortable in. At all times though, these opinions are expressed with the best of intentions.
Often two or more of the traditions work together- it is not until we see them working in practise that we see their beauty and wisdom.
For me I am familiar with having to deal with conscience issues.
In my small town there was not another group to go to- so for the sake of our members we had to settle our differences.
Each member was a precious member of the home group.
For me these issues were always a time of great learning... a time which could make or break a group... but which bought, in its wake great wisdom and insight.
... ...
hotrod said
Jul 2, 2017
Hi David not quite sure of the "things alanon members are not ready to hear and then use the Traditions to "hit people over the head to not talk about" Can you shed light on the subject, as I believe that "keeping an open mind" is the key to participation.
I believe that the traditions were established as a guide for us to interact with each other in a healthy manner and to keep us keep us from" homicide" and the Steps established to keep us from" suicide." When a group consults the Traditions to guide them in a decision, I believe they have brought in guidance from HP and that is what counts the most . HP is the sole authority at an alanon meeting.
DavidG said
Jul 2, 2017
Thanks Betty... ...
This is not the reason I am here... I would have come along here anyway, as well as My home group.
We had a strong group with 12 or 14 members... but it started to decline to 3 or 4...
I wasn't allowed to read from Hope for Today. I quite happily read from ODAT and Courage To Change... and discuss readings.
One member said that Hope for Today was not conference approved. That is was a Hazeldine book.
I told her that it was an Alanon book and that it always had been. I said that I would like to take it out of the meeting-
have regular conscience meetings so I could discuss the issue. After all, I had a copy of the book and the alanon logo is in the book.
Easy peasy...
Then the member told me that if I called a conscience meeting the women in the group would vote against me. And that it wasn't worth my while.
After 5 or six weeks the group folded and i was the only member left.
I now it is about "progress not perfection". In the Alanon Concepts of service a member has the right to be heard. If there are issues the member and the whole group has the right to discuss these. Individual and minority views are supposed to be heard. The members are supposed to have an open mind, and be prepared to change their opinions- if need be...
...all these things, most usually, run completely against what we experience in the alcoholic home...
....It is a learning curve and a thing that most groups struggle with, at some stage... in my experience just as we all grow in trust and loving interchange, our groups do too...
... -D.
DavidG said
Jul 2, 2017
Hmmm... this is a "rooms without walls".... John said that this MIP was the biggest online Alanon group-pretty sure he was right... it gives me a sense of a big city group- and then some... it is rich and vibrant.
Even though by trade, I am a field worker, I got some rich benefits from my recovery- a healthy relationship. And so i get to travel somewhat... Next month I plan to get to an Alanon meeting in Singapore. I do not like busy cities much... and getting to a meeting will keep me grounded.
Getting to AA open meetings with my sister in law in Florida... but in different places in the US... AA varies a lot between the east coast and the west coast...
Not sure what I could say about Alanon... mainly because I am deeply immersed in a meeting... and that is the reason i have gone there......
Tradition 4 gives us a certain amount of levity. Members of this group come from all over the world- and bring strengths from such diverse places.... This does not mean that 'anything goes'. Not at all.
Not only can we attend a meeting here- on the message board- we can read over and reflect on sharings... a very high level of transparency.
If we were out of line with Alanon practise, as a whole, I am sure people would say so...
Sometimes people expect some trouble shooting advice on the conduct of their home groups... I think we gently prompt them on their own personal responses- which after all is all anyone can do. well, I do this for myself too!
...right here, right now... why not??? ... ....
hotrod said
Jul 2, 2017
David I believe that the group that would not support your reading from he new daily reader "Hope for Today" was not in compliance with the Traditions.
I have found when this is the case alanon people vote with their feet and the meeting closes as the meeting you spoke about did.
HP works in a mysterious manner. Enjoy your travels
My step one used to go like this: Admitted that I was powerless over xxxx and that my life had become unmanageable. Over the years I have put a lot of things in that middle frame- including alcoholism and addiction.
Last night we had a 'chip night' with three grandkids, mum and dad... it was really good.... I am grateful that our mokapuna [grandkids] are must less at risk than I was.
A young girl has appeared at the local supermarket. My grand-niece. I realised that her late dad, my nephew, was much more than a nephew- he was a friend as well. My sister and I do not see eye to eye... ...well not at the moment. She held to the old nuclear family. Her boys here her kids alone. I hold to the principal of whanau- ohana in Hawaiian.
This was a part of my survival scheme, and a component of my higher power beliefs.
I was standing with J. The kid when her dad's body was taken out of the house they were living in. I put my arm around her shoulder, as anyone would. But any other input was rejected by my sister, and supported by her other grandma.
I have always felt for her, as i have for any other family member... I seem to run into her a lot at the supermarket. Maybe she is hungry for contact- I would be... and i always say "hi" and share smiles...
If I turn my Step One from I to we, I also reach for tradition One... I expect, after 35 years in Alanon to know my way around this one. Today when i put "alcohol" in the slot i do have wider questions.
I do understand the stand the AMA makes on alcoholism- that it is an illness. I do not live in the USA, so i do not come under its jurisdiction. In theory I can say what I like. But, to be honest, the same principles apply in NZ.
I do see things differently, as a family member- the worm's eye of the bird, as it were. I believe now that addiction is a symptom of the illness. After all, when person stops drinking, this is the beginning, not the end, of the recovery process.
Today i believe that I am powerless over stress, anxiety and trauma... ...this is much easier to get my head around. There is a continuum here, and everyone and every thing experiences is to a greater or lesser degree.... It is where is causes sickness and distress that we have to act.
This is why I am here, and why I first came along to Alanon.
DavidG.
Interesting share on Step One David . I agree that this is a "WE" program and that is why the First Step begins with the word "we" and Tradition One reinforces the fact that our common welfare must come first.
i work Step one two. three, 10 and d 11 every day. I know deep within that alcoholism is a dreadful threefold disease over which I am powerless. in my acceptance of the disease concept I accept hat Disease is defined as "a condition of the living animal that impairs normal functioning and is typically manifested by distinguishing signs and symptoms" Alcoholism fits this definition
I also accept that I am powerless over people, places and things. This helps me to keep the focus on myself, my feelings and attempts to control, fix or react. I am then left with myself, My anger, resentment self pity and fear and thanks to alanon's Steps, Slogans and a loving sponsor I can release these negative destructive feeling and find them replaced with compassion, empathy and love .
I love hanging just outside of the old timer's recovery which is just what I did in early program and which is what allowed me to be present and invisible at the same time along with learning. I learned later they knew what I was doing and didn't mind at all. I still do the same thing only now it isn't only old timers who do the teaching. I am still alive and carrying it with me. Mahalo akua and MIP ((((hugs))))
It is in recovery, from others who came before me that I found kindred spirits. I found others who felt like me, thought like me and acted like me. However, they seemed to have a secret handshake method to appear normal, upstanding and comfortable around others - we call them Earth people in some of my meetings.
It took me a long time and many rounds of step works to realize and accept I did not cause alcoholism in me, nor did I go out of my way to harm, hurt, blame, shame anyone - it was the disease. I wanted so much to 'be a part of' instead of 'a part from' that I was willing to drag down to my place anyone willing to join the ride.
I have grown up in public with the grace of recovery. I know for me that any people, place, thing or situation that is causing a rise of anxiety in me is a slippery slope. I am not afraid that I will go and relapse necessarily, but I no longer feel 'right' when my spiritual connection is broken from my HP. That special goal - staying aligned with my spiritual life is my number one daily goal and I am willing to go to any lengths for it.
So - I accept the disease in me as always present, from inception. I am not unique but I am also not wired like others. I am very grateful for recovery as there is no doubt I would never have lived to see the present year without it.
Wow!! Betty, this would be great to print out and hang on to the refridgerator.....LOVE your wisdom.....I am really working hard to keep focus on me, my feelings etc., and yea, there are times I have a screaming episode at HP "IVE HAD ENOUGHL___STOP THIS" I have to feel the feelings first...THEN I can re-claim my sanity and say "ok..what can I do to take care of me?? what is solution?? or do i need to just walk away and let the chips fall where they may" lately its been "I'm a walkin...yes indeed, I am walkin" walkin away from all this crap...starve it of my energy and MAYBE it will pass sooner
I went out to church this morning at the settlement where i grew up. The church sits overlooking a small inlet of our local lake. When I was a kid it sat down in the gully, until the lake flooded it 25 years ago.
I sat beside my old sponsor... a few years ago she decoded to leave Alanon for good- her decision. I decided to stay on and become a member for life.
We talked before the service started, as old friends would. Her hubby and I started a sharing open steps group in our small town. He and I had our 12x12 books- his for AA, and mine for Alanon... it was a great learning experience.
As I have gotten older I picked as my motto Alanon Concept 4. A real doozy. "Participation is the key to harmony".
When I first came onto the MIP board here i went through the steps and traditions again- to pick up on anything I had missed.
As an adult child in Alanon I found that there were some things the Alanons and AA's preferred not to hear. But over time, when I had a much better focus on my anger and shame, I was able to articulate things in a way that other people found healing...
This also gave me a big piece of relief and serenity.
Sometimes I have found members using the traditions as a battering ram- to create an Alanon that they feel comfortable in. At all times though, these opinions are expressed with the best of intentions.
Often two or more of the traditions work together- it is not until we see them working in practise that we see their beauty and wisdom.
For me I am familiar with having to deal with conscience issues.
In my small town there was not another group to go to- so for the sake of our members we had to settle our differences.
Each member was a precious member of the home group.
For me these issues were always a time of great learning... a time which could make or break a group... but which bought, in its wake great wisdom and insight.
Hi David not quite sure of the "things alanon members are not ready to hear and then use the Traditions to "hit people over the head to not talk about" Can you shed light on the subject, as I believe that "keeping an open mind" is the key to participation.
I believe that the traditions were established as a guide for us to interact with each other in a healthy manner and to keep us keep us from" homicide"
and the Steps established to keep us from" suicide." When a group consults the Traditions to guide them in a decision, I believe they have brought in guidance from HP and that is what counts the most . HP is the sole authority at an alanon meeting.
Thanks Betty...
...
This is not the reason I am here... I would have come along here anyway, as well as My home group.
We had a strong group with 12 or 14 members... but it started to decline to 3 or 4...
I wasn't allowed to read from Hope for Today. I quite happily read from ODAT and Courage To Change... and discuss readings.
One member said that Hope for Today was not conference approved. That is was a Hazeldine book.
I told her that it was an Alanon book and that it always had been. I said that I would like to take it out of the meeting-
have regular conscience meetings so I could discuss the issue. After all, I had a copy of the book and the alanon logo is in the book.
Easy peasy...
Then the member told me that if I called a conscience meeting the women in the group would vote against me. And that it wasn't worth my while.
After 5 or six weeks the group folded and i was the only member left.
I now it is about "progress not perfection". In the Alanon Concepts of service a member has the right to be heard. If there are issues the member and the whole group has the right to discuss these. Individual and minority views are supposed to be heard. The members are supposed to have an open mind, and be prepared to change their opinions- if need be...
...all these things, most usually, run completely against what we experience in the alcoholic home...
....It is a learning curve and a thing that most groups struggle with, at some stage... in my experience just as we all grow in trust and loving interchange, our groups do too...
Hmmm... this is a "rooms without walls".... John said that this MIP was the biggest online Alanon group-pretty sure he was right... it gives me a sense of a big city group- and then some... it is rich and vibrant.
Even though by trade, I am a field worker, I got some rich benefits from my recovery- a healthy relationship. And so i get to travel somewhat... Next month I plan to get to an Alanon meeting in Singapore. I do not like busy cities much... and getting to a meeting will keep me grounded.
Getting to AA open meetings with my sister in law in Florida... but in different places in the US... AA varies a lot between the east coast and the west coast...
Not sure what I could say about Alanon... mainly because I am deeply immersed in a meeting... and that is the reason i have gone there...
...
Tradition 4 gives us a certain amount of levity. Members of this group come from all over the world- and bring strengths from such diverse places.... This does not mean that 'anything goes'. Not at all.
Not only can we attend a meeting here- on the message board- we can read over and reflect on sharings... a very high level of transparency.
If we were out of line with Alanon practise, as a whole, I am sure people would say so...
Sometimes people expect some trouble shooting advice on the conduct of their home groups... I think we gently prompt them on their own personal responses- which after all is all anyone can do. well, I do this for myself too!
...right here, right now... why not???
... 
....
David I believe that the group that would not support your reading from he new daily reader "Hope for Today" was not in compliance with the Traditions.
I have found when this is the case alanon people vote with their feet and the meeting closes as the meeting you spoke about did.
HP works in a mysterious manner. Enjoy your travels