My spouse is ending a 6 week intensive eating disorder program with a no drinking contract. She was referred to AA but of course didn't go. I felt hope for our marriage for the first time in years. I asked her what her aftercare was going to be, and she said she will see an alcohol counselor 2xmonth, and she thinks she has her food addiction fixed. NOT. I hate denial, I hate addiction, and alcohol. I very briefly became angry. Next came disappointment. Then Alanon kicked in. Let it go. Mind my own business. Focus on me. Change what I can. And there you have it. 6 weeks of her not drinking, losing 12 lbs., and working on herself as never before, will be over this week. Let me be grateful for the 6 weeks, Lyne
hotrod said
Jun 20, 2017
((Lyne)) keep an open mind and stay focused on your recovery . You are doing fine and hopefully she has learned some new tools.
Bo said
Jun 20, 2017
Lyne wrote:
My spouse is ending a 6 week intensive eating disorder program with a no drinking contract. She was referred to AA but of course didn't go. I felt hope for our marriage for the first time in years. I asked her what her aftercare was going to be, and she said she will see an alcohol counselor 2xmonth, and she thinks she has her food addiction fixed. NOT. I hate denial, I hate addiction, and alcohol. I very briefly became angry. Next came disappointment. Then Alanon kicked in. Let it go. Mind my own business. Focus on me. Change what I can. And there you have it. 6 weeks of her not drinking, losing 12 lbs., and working on herself as never before, will be over this week. Let me be grateful for the 6 weeks, Lyne
High hopes and low expectations. Be open-minded. Try not to have that "down the drain" mentality. Right now. Just for today. Yes, be grateful for the six weeks, but far more importantly, and what is far more important for you -- is to be prepared for what's next. You refer to "will be over this week" -- so what about YOU. What do you need to do other than be grateful for the past six weeks? What do you need to do to prepare, continue to be healthy, to keep progressing and getting even better?
When my AW got home from rehab or completed an IOP -- the first and only thing I looked at was "who is she being as a person" now that she is home, completed, etc.? Is she living a life of recovery, following the suggested treatment plan, focusing on her recovery, going to meetings, talking to her sponsor, and so on -- and while that is none of my business, and I have never suggested it, kept a score-card, or anything of the like -- I do "observe" and "watch" so that I can keep my side of the street clean. Or, is she doing it her way, not going to meetings, not following the treatment plan, expressing that she's fine and that she knows best, will do it her way, she is better, is fine, not committed to recovery, and so on. See, to me, it's not about whether she slips or relapses -- it's about which person she is being. If she was the former person and had a relapse, and kept being that person -- and picked herself up -- that to me is healthy. If she is the latter person and relapses, and continues to be the latter person, then I am watching, seeing, etc., someone who is truly not committed to recovery, getting better, getting healthy, etc.
That said, regardless, I 1000% agree with hotrod when she says "stay focused on your recovery" -- because that, right there, is the answer to us getting better, getting healthy and being happy.
Iamhere said
Jun 20, 2017
(((Lyne))) - I do hear you and completely understand. Both of my boys have been in numerous rehabs. over the years and when they want to revert back to 'my way', it's always such a disappointment. Of course, you got this - lovely that your program kicked in - what a gift we get when we really work it for us....
My sponsor made me make a daily list of what was working, what was improved, what was better than before. This did really, really help me as my one insanity and self-will project gloom/doom more naturally than happy outcomes. These small steps for me helped me stay a bit more balanced as mine adjusted to 'normal life'.
I got a small chuckle - I have always had the most peace when they were in a controlled environment - rehab or jail. That sounds so freakin' crazy but I knew they were safe which gave me relief from the worrying I used to do so often. One Day at a Time - that's how we roll!
My spouse is ending a 6 week intensive eating disorder program with a no drinking contract. She was referred to AA but of course didn't go. I felt hope for our marriage for the first time in years. I asked her what her aftercare was going to be, and she said she will see an alcohol counselor 2xmonth, and she thinks she has her food addiction fixed. NOT. I hate denial, I hate addiction, and alcohol. I very briefly became angry. Next came disappointment. Then Alanon kicked in. Let it go. Mind my own business. Focus on me. Change what I can. And there you have it. 6 weeks of her not drinking, losing 12 lbs., and working on herself as never before, will be over this week. Let me be grateful for the 6 weeks, Lyne
High hopes and low expectations. Be open-minded. Try not to have that "down the drain" mentality. Right now. Just for today. Yes, be grateful for the six weeks, but far more importantly, and what is far more important for you -- is to be prepared for what's next. You refer to "will be over this week" -- so what about YOU. What do you need to do other than be grateful for the past six weeks? What do you need to do to prepare, continue to be healthy, to keep progressing and getting even better?
When my AW got home from rehab or completed an IOP -- the first and only thing I looked at was "who is she being as a person" now that she is home, completed, etc.? Is she living a life of recovery, following the suggested treatment plan, focusing on her recovery, going to meetings, talking to her sponsor, and so on -- and while that is none of my business, and I have never suggested it, kept a score-card, or anything of the like -- I do "observe" and "watch" so that I can keep my side of the street clean. Or, is she doing it her way, not going to meetings, not following the treatment plan, expressing that she's fine and that she knows best, will do it her way, she is better, is fine, not committed to recovery, and so on. See, to me, it's not about whether she slips or relapses -- it's about which person she is being. If she was the former person and had a relapse, and kept being that person -- and picked herself up -- that to me is healthy. If she is the latter person and relapses, and continues to be the latter person, then I am watching, seeing, etc., someone who is truly not committed to recovery, getting better, getting healthy, etc.
That said, regardless, I 1000% agree with hotrod when she says "stay focused on your recovery" -- because that, right there, is the answer to us getting better, getting healthy and being happy.
My sponsor made me make a daily list of what was working, what was improved, what was better than before. This did really, really help me as my one insanity and self-will project gloom/doom more naturally than happy outcomes. These small steps for me helped me stay a bit more balanced as mine adjusted to 'normal life'.
I got a small chuckle - I have always had the most peace when they were in a controlled environment - rehab or jail. That sounds so freakin' crazy but I knew they were safe which gave me relief from the worrying I used to do so often. One Day at a Time - that's how we roll!