Hello,
I WANT to go to my first f2f meeting but I always come up with excuses for why I can't...such as I don't like the time/day the meeting is at or who's going to take care of things at home if I'm not there or I'm tired/sick I'll go next week...you get the picture.
Have I not hit my rock bottom yet? What am I scared of? I KNOW alanon restores sanity, so why the excuses?
ESH please and thank you...
Aline said
Jun 19, 2017
Hi and welcome :) I postponed going to my first meeting for a while after I made up my mind that I wanted to attend one. I can only speak for myself, but I know what mostly kept me from going right away was fear of my abf's reaction. I wasn't very off mark about it either, but it wasn't as bad as I feared, and it was really ridiculous of me to be afraid of that anyway. I was doing what I felt I needed for myself and not harming anyone else in the process. I'm happy you are reaching out! F2f meetings are a great place to be :)
hotrod said
Jun 19, 2017
Hi and welcome I too found attending my first Al-Anon meeting a daunting experience. One day I checked out the meetings schedule and made the decision to attend regardless of what was going on in my life. It helped that I understood the format of the meeting and that I would not be asked to speak unless I wanted to.
I discovered that meetings are very welcoming and usually lasts for about an hour. They start with a welcome statement, then an introduction by each person who is present , usually a reading on the steps and the traditions and a topic for the evening is suggested.
A member shares their experience strength and hope on the topic. There is no cross talk at the meeting as each person is permitted to speak for a certain amount of time and then another shares Each individual is given the respect to share without interruption
Usually the speaker speaks for about 20 minutes and then opens the meeting up to shares by other attendees. Sharing is usually by show of hands, and the meetings ends promptly with the closing statement and sometimes the serenity prayer. After the meeting there is time to share with others or, you can leave it is up to you.
There is usually a literature table with "new comer packs" that are free and other inexpensive literature that is very helpful.
I urge you to take the step and please do keep coming back here as well not alone..
.
Jerry F said
Jun 19, 2017
I also encourage you to attend one reason being you will hear the voices of recovery and not only that voice with in you and the result often is you get to experience more courage and more hope. I know about the "fears of...." my alcoholic/addict wife being of them however that was all false; I cannot read minds or create in real justifications. Still my first introduction to the program was very hard because of that fear voice within and then I shook it off went back and stayed. Each day today is a miracle partly because today I am sane and alive. Keep coming back...this works when you work it. ((((hugs))))
Iamhere said
Jun 19, 2017
Welcome to MIP - I believe you are not alone! I avoided going for a long while and also made excuses - not enough time, home/dinner/whatever was more important, etc. All of these things were just 'excuses' and I was just afraid - didn't really know this them nor did I want to consider it, but now that I'm active in recovery, fear was a huge factor is much of the way I lived before recovery.
I convinced myself with sayings such as, "It's only an hour"... "I rarely do anything alone" ... "It may be helpful" ... I really had to force me to go - and set aside the excuses. I can share that I did not go with an open mind and would have been better off with one. I can also share that I've still never yet been to a meeting that I left feeling worse than when I arrived!
You can do this!!
Bo said
Jun 19, 2017
Sadhana wrote:
Hello, I WANT to go to my first f2f meeting but I always come up with excuses for why I can't...such as I don't like the time/day the meeting is at or who's going to take care of things at home if I'm not there or I'm tired/sick I'll go next week...you get the picture. Have I not hit my rock bottom yet? What am I scared of? I KNOW alanon restores sanity, so why the excuses? ESH please and thank you...
While I may not be able to relate to the excuses, today, I can absolutely relate to them at first, when I first started going to meetings. That said, I had the attitude -- why do I have to go to meetings, I am not the one with the problem. And, about a hundred more excuses, gripes, etc.! LOL. The excuses are on YOU. They are with YOU. For as long as YOU own them...YOU will not go. It doesn't matter what the excuse is...it is simply an excuse. I don't know if you've hit rock bottom, or if you are afraid or scared.
I know when most people hit rock bottom, they will scratch, claw and crawl into a meeting. They will go there on their knees and beg for help (perhaps on the inside only). They will do whatever it takes to get better, to get the pain to stop. Maybe you are afraid of hearing a lot things you think you don't want to hear. I don't know.
Here's what I do know...getting better and getting healthy happens by going to al-anon meetings, and doing the work. So, for me, I go. I do the work. After 23 years this month...going to meetings is something I wear as a badge of honor. It is an honor to go. A privilege. I've seen miracles in the rooms. I've seen lives saved. Go, and keep going back. Good luck.
Jazzie18 said
Jun 19, 2017
Only you can answer if you have/have not hit rock bottom yet. I too came up with a ton of excuses....and my f2f meeting was literally two blocks from my work at lunch time 3 days a week. I think it is very scary walking through the doors that first time. I will say I am so glad that I went and the support that I have received and the ESH shares that I have heard have been great. I found myself wondering, what took me so long. I hope you do find the courage to get through those doors.
Stan1 said
Jun 19, 2017
Hello Sadhana and welcome to MIP. I hesitated attending my 1st F2F meeting because I had the mistaken belief that it wasn't my problem so why should I have to go. Total denial on my part that I had been affected by alcoholism. Also thinking back now believe fear was the major holdback. I finally mustard the courage hearing that I only had to listen if I wasn't comfortable sharing. I went to several different F2F before I found my home family. From the time I walked into that meeting I just knew I belonged and I was totally relaxed and comfortable there. I still have many of those Al-Anon friends in my life and it has been 28 yrs. They are my family that knows and accepts me just the way I am. I hope you find the courage to take that step...keep coming back!
Freetime said
Jun 19, 2017
Hi Sadhana, and welcome. Everyone above has given great ESH.
For me, I think the barrier to my first going to an Al-Anon meeting was that I was not yet ready to admit that my husband was an alcoholic, and that it had affected me and our family. I only knew the stigma of alcoholism, the common view that it is a moral failing and something to be ashamed of, and couldn't accept that this could happen in my marriage.
My bottom was finding hidden alcohol for the fourth time. My only regret is that I didn't find Al Anon sooner. I learned that my assumptions were not true, and things have been looking up ever since.
Sadhana said
Jun 20, 2017
Thank you everyone you're all wonderful...I'm going to let go and let god...I've asked HIM to remove this shortcoming and I have faith HE will provide me the opportunity and courage to get to my first f2f...I feel encouraged now...I've got this!
Bo said
Jun 20, 2017
Great!!! You'll get there. You are encouraged...and you are right...you've got this! Good for you.
Remember...not that you are there yet, nor am I saying to jump around...you are in the right place, doing the right thing...but remember these words...
...for knowledge of His will for us...and the power to carry that out...
So, my point? Your higher power, God, whoever...ain't gonna drive you to the meeting...YOU are going to drive you to the meeting. You ask for the knowledge, and you ask for the power to carry that out...you ask for the power for you to carry that out...
And, if you end up getting a ride to the meeting...it's because you asked someone! LOL.
Enjoy your first meeting and please come back and let us know how it went, your thoughts, experience, feelings, etc.
Keep coming back.
WestMan said
Jun 22, 2017
When I started going regularly this spring I was there because I knew I was in trouble. I was so angry and as hard as I tried to stop it it was poisoning all areas of my life. I sat through the meetings and never shared a thing for two months or so. Someone else on here said they never shared for over a year. No-one minds as far as I could tell. I could barely absorb anything people were saying but after each meeting I felt a bit better.
I'm still struggling but as I've stuck with it the struggle has lessened. For instance i had something come up the other day and I was getting into a negative state. But I knew my meeting was just a few hours away and just knowing that helped me. My fear, anger and resentment was much less powerful. As much as I like this forum it is no substitute for my meetings.
Hi and welcome I too found attending my first Al-Anon meeting a daunting experience. One day I checked out the meetings schedule and made the decision to attend regardless of what was going on in my life. It helped that I understood the format of the meeting and that I would not be asked to speak unless I wanted to.
I discovered that meetings are very welcoming and usually lasts for about an hour. They start with a welcome statement, then an introduction by each person who is present , usually a reading on the steps and the traditions and a topic for the evening is suggested.
A member shares their experience strength and hope on the topic. There is no cross talk at the meeting as each person is permitted to speak for a certain amount of time and then another shares Each individual is given the respect to share without interruption
Usually the speaker speaks for about 20 minutes and then opens the meeting up to shares by other attendees. Sharing is usually by show of hands, and the meetings ends promptly with the closing statement and sometimes the serenity prayer. After the meeting there is time to share with others or, you can leave it is up to you.
There is usually a literature table with "new comer packs" that are free and other inexpensive literature that is very helpful.
I urge you to take the step and please do keep coming back here as well not alone..
.
I also encourage you to attend one reason being you will hear the voices of recovery and not only that voice with in you and the result often is you get to experience more courage and more hope. I know about the "fears of...." my alcoholic/addict wife being of them however that was all false; I cannot read minds or create in real justifications. Still my first introduction to the program was very hard because of that fear voice within and then I shook it off went back and stayed. Each day today is a miracle partly because today I am sane and alive. Keep coming back...this works when you work it. ((((hugs))))
I convinced myself with sayings such as, "It's only an hour"... "I rarely do anything alone" ... "It may be helpful" ... I really had to force me to go - and set aside the excuses. I can share that I did not go with an open mind and would have been better off with one. I can also share that I've still never yet been to a meeting that I left feeling worse than when I arrived!
You can do this!!
While I may not be able to relate to the excuses, today, I can absolutely relate to them at first, when I first started going to meetings. That said, I had the attitude -- why do I have to go to meetings, I am not the one with the problem. And, about a hundred more excuses, gripes, etc.! LOL. The excuses are on YOU. They are with YOU. For as long as YOU own them...YOU will not go. It doesn't matter what the excuse is...it is simply an excuse. I don't know if you've hit rock bottom, or if you are afraid or scared.
I know when most people hit rock bottom, they will scratch, claw and crawl into a meeting. They will go there on their knees and beg for help (perhaps on the inside only). They will do whatever it takes to get better, to get the pain to stop. Maybe you are afraid of hearing a lot things you think you don't want to hear. I don't know.
Here's what I do know...getting better and getting healthy happens by going to al-anon meetings, and doing the work. So, for me, I go. I do the work. After 23 years this month...going to meetings is something I wear as a badge of honor. It is an honor to go. A privilege. I've seen miracles in the rooms. I've seen lives saved. Go, and keep going back. Good luck.
For me, I think the barrier to my first going to an Al-Anon meeting was that I was not yet ready to admit that my husband was an alcoholic, and that it had affected me and our family. I only knew the stigma of alcoholism, the common view that it is a moral failing and something to be ashamed of, and couldn't accept that this could happen in my marriage.
My bottom was finding hidden alcohol for the fourth time. My only regret is that I didn't find Al Anon sooner. I learned that my assumptions were not true, and things have been looking up ever since.
Remember...not that you are there yet, nor am I saying to jump around...you are in the right place, doing the right thing...but remember these words...
...for knowledge of His will for us...and the power to carry that out...
So, my point? Your higher power, God, whoever...ain't gonna drive you to the meeting...YOU are going to drive you to the meeting. You ask for the knowledge, and you ask for the power to carry that out...you ask for the power for you to carry that out...
And, if you end up getting a ride to the meeting...it's because you asked someone! LOL.
Enjoy your first meeting and please come back and let us know how it went, your thoughts, experience, feelings, etc.
Keep coming back.
I'm still struggling but as I've stuck with it the struggle has lessened. For instance i had something come up the other day and I was getting into a negative state. But I knew my meeting was just a few hours away and just knowing that helped me. My fear, anger and resentment was much less powerful. As much as I like this forum it is no substitute for my meetings.