A while back I saw someone post on here that instead of driving yourself crazy checking up or people or situations just ask HP to show you the truth. That was a revelation to me. I literally had never thought of that before. So I asked HP to show me the truth about my AH's possible "activities" and HE DID! (Although I'm very upset about what I found, I'm totally amazed that HP was/is there for me! And I'm not a person who wants to live in blissful ignorance. I'm not sorry I asked HP). AH has definitely been up to no good and the proof was so easy to find once I asked HP. I am feeling many feelings right now--especially anger, sadness and betrayal. I'm just reminding myself that I have to feel my feelings right now and that they're not forever (trying to remember that anyway). Also trying to remember I don't have to decide everything today. Any ESH or just plain sympathy would be appreciated right now.
Aline said
Jun 4, 2017
I hear you, Jayla, thank you so much for sharing. it seems we're in a similar place right now. Today for me was this test: and some higher power helped me as well. My abf (we're living separately now) called me today telling me he is feeling really weak and hasn't really eaten for four days, and asked me to come over "maybe for the last time", he said. These last couple of hours have been very hard for me, but I tried to apply all my program knowledge, and I'm very grateful I didn't rush in to " rescue" him as I would have done before Alanon and instead tried to think objectively about the situation. I contacted his mother who lives a lot closer to him (he told me not to contact her, btw), she offered him to bring over some food, and he finally told her OK. There are a lot more details to this, but really what matters is he will get some food and I, being pretty ill for the last couple of days, won't hurt my health further by going to him, cuz I'm still not feeling too well. Its so tough dealing with this disease... I'm grateful I stopped to THINK for a while, and didn"'t immediately react. The solution came along, and it wasn't me. I'm grateful to share this journey to recovery with you. Hugs
hotrod said
Jun 4, 2017
((Jayla))) I to experinced a WOW moment when i found that my HP was there and did hear my requests. I do understand that this is a difficult time for you and I hear acceptance of this powerful awareness and gratitude to HP for removing your blindfold. I found that all i had to do was to pray for guidance as to how to proceed and I succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. HP is available at any time we need and that is a comforting thought.
Iamhere said
Jun 4, 2017
(((Jayla))) - I love your share. I read it and thought - super cool....first - leaning into faith and what the program suggests - trusting a HP. Then - lifting denial - discovering that there is 'more revealed' and processing how it is making you feel. Lastly, reaching out for loving support - super awesome.
I hope you see what I see - you are working on your recovery and realizing the power of belief in more than self. I also love that you know, however painful it feels right now, it will pass. I am so, so sorry for your pain yet I am proud of you for the manner in which you got 'here' and how you are walking through it.
Keep working it one day at a time. I agree with Betty - as we learn to lean into that higher power, the miracles of what waits for us are endless! (((Hugs)))
SerenityRUS said
Jun 4, 2017
The thing I find most amazing about HP is that when I am ready the truth will reveal itself .. it eliminates any issues of me having to do the crazy dance. I'm always reminded of the Charlie Sheen/Denise Richards saga and how ugly that got and how she looked absolutely stone cold crazy and he looked completely like HE was the one married to a loon .. then she stopped the dance and he released ALL of his crazy in an epic public (multiple public) meltdowns .. it was so sad to witness.
It is so nice to leave everything alone until I am ready vs getting to much to soon. Sometimes I asked got the answer and I wasn't ready and HP kind of put me in a position of ready or not .. it's time to deal.
Great post .. it reflects recovery and it looks so good on you!!!
Hugs S :)
Lyne said
Jun 4, 2017
Hi Jayla~I too, had to remove a blindfold, and as time went on, I learned that I had many to remove, and some info. I wasn't ready to learn at all. After 7-8 years of dreadful pain from my reacting to my A, I was able to rely on HP and Alanon for help, guidance , and sanity. One day on the board, someone had written: if you know the answer to a question, don't ask it. When I became stronger, I tried this often. I learned to better myself, and take the focus off the A. You sound like you are definately on the right track! Lyne
_bunny_ said
Jun 5, 2017
((Jayla)) know you're not alone and I'm sending loving energy your way. HP guides us when we're so absolutely 110% done doing what we've been doing over and over and over again, when we're willing to stop doing and start being, that's when we begin to notice those small coincidences that make us go "wow". I love that you said "you have to feel your feelings right now and that they're not forever", I agree with you, they're feelings, we must feel them to begin to move through and they too shall pass.
-- Edited by _bunny_ on Monday 5th of June 2017 11:28:50 AM
Jayla said
Jun 5, 2017
Thank you all for your kind responses. I really appreciate them and have read them several times. Man feeling the feelings hurts though! I haven't talked to AH yet bc I felt too overwhelmed. I felt like that was my brain saying we're not ready yet. When I do talk to him though, I have a feeling I'm going to say what I mean very mean. I'm good with words lol and I'm feeling so hurt and angry. But I feel like if I keep on doing what I'm doing I might go literally crazy. I'm not willing to do that any more.
((Jayla))) I to experinced a WOW moment when i found that my HP was there and did hear my requests. I do understand that this is a difficult time for you and I hear acceptance of this powerful awareness and gratitude to HP for removing your blindfold. I found that all i had to do was to pray for guidance as to how to proceed and I succeeded beyond my wildest dreams. HP is available at any time we need and that is a comforting thought.
I hope you see what I see - you are working on your recovery and realizing the power of belief in more than self. I also love that you know, however painful it feels right now, it will pass. I am so, so sorry for your pain yet I am proud of you for the manner in which you got 'here' and how you are walking through it.
Keep working it one day at a time. I agree with Betty - as we learn to lean into that higher power, the miracles of what waits for us are endless! (((Hugs)))
It is so nice to leave everything alone until I am ready vs getting to much to soon. Sometimes I asked got the answer and I wasn't ready and HP kind of put me in a position of ready or not .. it's time to deal.
Great post .. it reflects recovery and it looks so good on you!!!
Hugs S :)
((Jayla)) know you're not alone and I'm sending loving energy your way. HP guides us when we're so absolutely 110% done doing what we've been doing over and over and over again, when we're willing to stop doing and start being, that's when we begin to notice those small coincidences that make us go "wow". I love that you said "you have to feel your feelings right now and that they're not forever", I agree with you, they're feelings, we must feel them to begin to move through and they too shall pass.
-- Edited by _bunny_ on Monday 5th of June 2017 11:28:50 AM