Today is a special day. My 27 year old son who gave me great grief as a teenager and brought me to my knees and then to Al-Anon, is getting married. It is a civil service at the courthouse and he has asked me to stand up for him. My husband, (his stepfather since he was 4 years old) will be joining us. I was denied my parents involvement when I married and it hurt me deeply all those years ago, and I vow not to do that to my children, so I am doing my best to make this day special for them. I asked if we could have a celebratory lunch afterwards at the restaurant of their choice and I bought flowers and gifts with a little money for them to set out on their way with. My grandson (his boy from a previous relationship) will be there and I have fun gifts to shower him with.
Problem is, the AH is on a bender. I have done fairly well at keeping my sanity and serenity, but there is the fear there in the corners of my mind that he will be drunk at the ceremony and embarrass everyone (mainly me). That is when the real struggle comes in for me. I start filling with dread and wishing the whole day was over. I know that is not living in the moment, that is wishing away the moment.
So today I pray that my HP will give me the strength to stay in the moment and enjoy each moment as it unfolds. Take the good stuff and tuck it away in my heart and mind and let any thoughts of anything else go. I am imagining myself blowing on one of those dandelion fluff things and blowing away the bad thoughts that are trying to creep in.
I wish I wasn't a "wish the whole thing was over" type of person. I really need to get that thinking out of my mind. I can't control anything but myself and I will try to be present and a blessing for my son and his family. Whatever my AH does or does not do is his to own, not mine. And there is always the chance that everyone will behave and act exactly as I WOULD LIKE THEM TOO!! Lol!!
Lyne said
Jun 2, 2017
Hi Bethany-Your plate is full but definately with some excellent stuff! Your are correct in that you are a separate person from your AH. You are giving me a good reminder to keep my head over my feet. Today is all I have. I have spent many hours dwelling on the past and worrying about the future. It has consumed me at times. Please enjoy your day. It sounds like you have many blessings, Lyne
hotrod said
Jun 2, 2017
I agree Lyne, One day at a time and one second a a time works for me. I really missed mnay of my days by being in the past or future. No longer thanks to alnon. Have a great day all
Freetime said
Jun 2, 2017
Bethany, congratulations and best wishes to all involved in the wedding. Thoughts are with you for a day of joy for your son and family.
Iamhere said
Jun 2, 2017
Sending you tons of positive thoughts and prayers Bethany! You're doing all that you can - trust your HP and work to let go of the rest. My hope is the day is better than you can imagine!!! (((Hugs)))
Aline said
Jun 2, 2017
Congratulations, Bethany! Thank you for sharing, I'm greatful for any reminders to take things one day at a time... I remember when I was a child and my father got wasted like hell at a party, I didn't think the embarrassment extended beyond my father to include my mother just because they were married... Focus on you, you sound like a great mum :)
Today is a special day. My 27 year old son who gave me great grief as a teenager and brought me to my knees and then to Al-Anon, is getting married. It is a civil service at the courthouse and he has asked me to stand up for him. My husband, (his stepfather since he was 4 years old) will be joining us. I was denied my parents involvement when I married and it hurt me deeply all those years ago, and I vow not to do that to my children, so I am doing my best to make this day special for them. I asked if we could have a celebratory lunch afterwards at the restaurant of their choice and I bought flowers and gifts with a little money for them to set out on their way with. My grandson (his boy from a previous relationship) will be there and I have fun gifts to shower him with.
Problem is, the AH is on a bender. I have done fairly well at keeping my sanity and serenity, but there is the fear there in the corners of my mind that he will be drunk at the ceremony and embarrass everyone (mainly me). That is when the real struggle comes in for me. I start filling with dread and wishing the whole day was over. I know that is not living in the moment, that is wishing away the moment.
So today I pray that my HP will give me the strength to stay in the moment and enjoy each moment as it unfolds. Take the good stuff and tuck it away in my heart and mind and let any thoughts of anything else go. I am imagining myself blowing on one of those dandelion fluff things and blowing away the bad thoughts that are trying to creep in.
I wish I wasn't a "wish the whole thing was over" type of person. I really need to get that thinking out of my mind. I can't control anything but myself and I will try to be present and a blessing for my son and his family. Whatever my AH does or does not do is his to own, not mine. And there is always the chance that everyone will behave and act exactly as I WOULD LIKE THEM TOO!!
Lol!!
Bethany, congratulations and best wishes to all involved in the wedding. Thoughts are with you for a day of joy for your son and family.