My birthday is this weekend. I had asked my AS if she would put together a small party with a few of our closest friends. She is coming through. Now I have a little dilemma. I typically drink beer with my friends during these social gatherings. I'd love to have some for this event and, frankly, my friends would expect there to be something and will likely bring some of their own. I don't think my AS would be so tempted that she would start in. But I think it might be a little bit "in your face". I would be more comfortable not having anything but I'm at a loss as to how to explain the sudden change. Thoughts?

Have you had the discussion with her?

I have a good friend who is an RA and made me LOL one day .. we were talking and she said that her and her husband non drinking issue were headed to a party that would have alcohol .. so she's saying ok .. we need a code word .. what's the code word when I'm ready to go or I feel tempted? He said .. hmm .. how about .. time to go. LOL .. she laughed and said yah .. didn't see that one coming.

Anyway, point is talk to her ask her what her comfort level is .. my friend has said .. some days it can sit out in the open and I don't notice it and other days it needs to be somewhere that is out of sight out of mind and the spouse does that for her because she asks him to. It really is about the communication and I don't think that there is anything wrong with that .. the most important thing is keep it simple don't over complicate and guess what .. for whatever reason someone chooses not to drink .. it's no one else's business .. PERIOD. I believe you have mentioned she's touchy about you being the one to give out information .. bottom line communicate and ask her how she wants to handle it.

Happy birthday and I hope you have a wonderful birthday weekend!! Relax .. enjoy and trust HP has this situation.

Hugs S :)

I've hosted parties at my home and have just stated that our home is now dry - so if you want to drink adult beverages, feel free to BYOB. One time, everyone did. Another time nobody did. Many times, my parties have more alcohol-free folks than not so I didn't pay attention...

It's only a big deal to those of us 'aware' and 'affected' by the disease. To all others, to indulge or not to do so is just a choice. Do what you feel is right and it will take care of itself!

(((Hugs)))

WestMan,
I am in recovery for 14 years now, I do not let people drink at my house. I do not have a spouse who is trying to remain sober, but I chose to have my home like that. You should talk to your wife about how she feels. Maybe you could go to an AA meeting and see what it takes for someone to remain sober. Most people have to change their people, places, and things. It really is a lifestyle change.

If you've asked her to organise it, isn't it kinda for her to decide what the refreshments will be and whether to stipulate alcohol/no alcohol to the guests? Otherwise why not organise it yourself and if you want alcohol served then make sure she feels comfortable not attending if she chooses? This sounds really fraught, for her, if she's newly sober, tbh.
And happy birthday btw

Thanks for the suggestions. Asking her about it was what I ended up doing. Since getting sober she has been more concerned with appearances and not being made to stand out than about maintaining an environment less conducive to temptation. She wanted me to go get beer and "not be weird about it." I just wasn't comfortable so I never got any. I knew a couple of my friends would bring something, but they were no-shows. Crisis averted! I think I'll just plan to not bring any alcohol home. If she does or wants to let others then I guess I have to let it go. Thanks again

GFU .. I think it's ironic how much time I spend worrying about things that did not come to pass. Alanon has taught me to let go and let God in specific situations .. how to focus on the "what is" vs. the "what if's".

Sounds like you have a plan that works for you.

Keep coming back. S :)

Happy belated birthday Westman!!! I'm always amazed and grateful when God takes care of what's important in our lives.......sounds like you enjoyed - that's what is to be!!