Just wondering how you deal with the anxiety when your A drinks? I completely shut down and am in fight or flight mode until he goes to sleep. I always think I can predict when he's going to get drunk but I've proven time and time again that I can't. And every time I am let down. Even though I try to tell myself not to trust too deeply or get too attached. I don't know what's the matter with me. I am fully aware that it is my choice to stay, but I feel helpless. Leaving is too heartbreaking and I'm afraid of the pain. I really love my A, but I hate being let down every time I begin to feel comfortable. Any advice?
SerenityRUS said
May 20, 2017
Welcome very glad you are here .. I really suggest you start off with face to face meetings they will offer fellowship and you will see you are not alone. The inability to control fix or manage a situation for me leads to anxiety. One of the first things I learned was that I am powerless over people places or things. It doesn't mean I lack responsibility in my situation. It means that I can start putting the focus on me and not if the a is drinking or not. I hope you will keep coming back. Hugs s ;)
Enigmatic said
May 20, 2017
Hi madowl...I second Serenity. Any time I am struggling, I increase my recovery activity: meetings, reading, meditating. I never failed to find inspiration, peace, and a realization about what I could adjust in thought, perspective, or behavior that would lead to less distress and more peace.
Hang in there, keep working your program
tiredtonite said
May 20, 2017
Hi Madow,
I would make the same Alanon suggestions but also would suggest finding an Alanon sponsor if you don't already have one. It's a comfort to be able to reach out to someone else in the program by phone at a time when there is no Alanon meeting available to attend and you could really use someone to talk with. Maybe there is a room in your home where you can go to get away from the drinking and try to feel calmer and safe? Receiving love from a pet helped me during those times also. I hope you'll keep coming back to share with us. Online meetings here can also help for feeling less alone. (((hugs)) TT
Cammi45 said
May 27, 2017
I've been dealing with a lot of anxiety over this same thing. I never know when my A is going to drink "too much." I have had major anxiety and am struggling with depression. I don't think it all has to do with my A, but I know some of it does. I still have not gone to Alanon, but I am definitely considering it. My A has not gotten physically abusive with me, but he does, in my opinion, play mind games when he's drinking. Hugs to you. As someone who is also struggling with this, I do understand.
Iamhere said
May 28, 2017
I too step up my program work.....at any point that my mind begins to obsess and/or project, I do anything I know that is healthy to change my thinking patterns - call a program friend, get online, read from the literature, listen to music, read a great novel, clean a closet, and then some.....
I do anything that I can to modify what's happening - healthy choices......I also love slogans at times like this such as - this too shall pass.
Hang in there, keep working your program
Hi Madow,
I would make the same Alanon suggestions but also would suggest finding an Alanon sponsor if you don't already have one. It's a comfort to be able to reach out to someone else in the program by phone at a time when there is no Alanon meeting available to attend and you could really use someone to talk with. Maybe there is a room in your home where you can go to get away from the drinking and try to feel calmer and safe? Receiving love from a pet helped me during those times also. I hope you'll keep coming back to share with us. Online meetings here can also help for feeling less alone. (((hugs)) TT
I do anything that I can to modify what's happening - healthy choices......I also love slogans at times like this such as - this too shall pass.