I'm grateful I found this room, and I intend to also get to some local meetings as my life is being affected by my alcoholic, and perhaps bipolar, brother who is 46. This is the second time in his life that he is homeless and is the process of divorce and custody of his daughter who just turned 4. For the last 1.5 years his now ex wife, myself and my parents, my grandma, and other relatives have begged him to get help. He hasn't had a full time job for over 3 years, leaving the financial and emotional burden on my sister-in-law. My mom is taking care of my 94 year old grandma and my dad (who is mostly independent) after he suffered a stroke 2 years ago. After my sister-in-law told my brother he had to leave, my parents said he could stay with them so he could get on his feet. He has disrespected their home, smoking cigars all through the house, leaving bags and bags of his belongings all over the floor and waking them up repeatedly in the middle of the night with all the lights on and blasting music. When my mom confronted him, he called her a f***g c***t. After the second time this happened she had to kick him out. However, they left on a vacation and while they were gone, he went to their home and trashed the entire basement (which is like a big first floor living area). His stuff, and their stuff was scattered all over the floor, he finished 1/4 of a bottle of vodka, a bottle of gin, and 1/2 a bottle of crown royal in 4 days. When I went over to their home to check on my grandma, he was smoking and just a belligerent mess. I had tried to stay calm in my interactions with him and asked him to please help me understand why my parents home looked like that. He swore at me and was hostile and volatile. I called a crisis mobile team and they came out and we had him 302d. The hospital let him out and he returned back to my parents home. He came in and out at all hours of the night and now it looks like all of his stuff is out of their home. He won't speak to my grandmother, and states that I am sabotaging him and taking sides with his ex-wife. They have a custody hearing today, and I am so scared that he will try to get custody of their child (at least part). He has no job, and was fired from Lyft because 3 people on 3 occasions reported him for driving while under the influences of drugs and/alcohol. He sent me these emails with ramblings like, "I never did this, this is crazy....blah blah blah..." after the third time, of course, they fired him. My sister-in-law (ex) said it would help her case potentially if she had those emails. He cannot have custody of that child in any way shape or form if or until he gets help. I sent her the emails. I know this is the right thing for that 4 year old, but these stupid tapes in my head of him saying I'm trying to sabotage him or turning my back on family is somewhat unnerving. My parents get home this evening and I have to tell them all of the craziness that has gone on while they were gone. I feel heartsick for them. I'm so nervous about the custody hearing today, too, but I know I have no control over that (or any of this). My partner is a child of an alcoholic and al anon really helped her in the past. We have moved to a different state since she was attending meetings, and I have to find a local meeting, too. My sister-in-law (ex) has also been going to al anon meetings. I'm so tired, I can't sleep and I'm sick of this disease ruining my family. :(
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 3rd of May 2017 09:48:31 AM
hotrod said
May 3, 2017
Hello and welcome. Alcoholism is a dreadful, progressive, chronic disease over which we are powerless. I understand the frustration and anxiety of which you speak and urge you to search out Alanon face to face meetings.
Positive thoughts and prayers on the way.
WestMan said
May 3, 2017
I should preface this that I'm new to Al-Anon so don't know what the typical answer would be here. But as an objective outsider it seems you are potentially saving several members of your family, including your brother, through the actions you have taken. I understand that feeling of "sabotaging" someone when you have to hold them accountable. I get that too.
But if he was able to continue these activities in your parents house someone could get hurt very easily. He can't care for himself much less a child. If you didn't give your sister-in-law that info and your niece ended up hurt because he got increased custody you would feel much worse. You did the right thing IMHO.
Good luck.
I'm grateful I found this room, and I intend to also get to some local meetings as my life is being affected by my alcoholic, and perhaps bipolar, brother who is 46. This is the second time in his life that he is homeless and is the process of divorce and custody of his daughter who just turned 4. For the last 1.5 years his now ex wife, myself and my parents, my grandma, and other relatives have begged him to get help. He hasn't had a full time job for over 3 years, leaving the financial and emotional burden on my sister-in-law. My mom is taking care of my 94 year old grandma and my dad (who is mostly independent) after he suffered a stroke 2 years ago. After my sister-in-law told my brother he had to leave, my parents said he could stay with them so he could get on his feet. He has disrespected their home, smoking cigars all through the house, leaving bags and bags of his belongings all over the floor and waking them up repeatedly in the middle of the night with all the lights on and blasting music. When my mom confronted him, he called her a f***g c***t. After the second time this happened she had to kick him out. However, they left on a vacation and while they were gone, he went to their home and trashed the entire basement (which is like a big first floor living area). His stuff, and their stuff was scattered all over the floor, he finished 1/4 of a bottle of vodka, a bottle of gin, and 1/2 a bottle of crown royal in 4 days. When I went over to their home to check on my grandma, he was smoking and just a belligerent mess. I had tried to stay calm in my interactions with him and asked him to please help me understand why my parents home looked like that. He swore at me and was hostile and volatile. I called a crisis mobile team and they came out and we had him 302d. The hospital let him out and he returned back to my parents home. He came in and out at all hours of the night and now it looks like all of his stuff is out of their home. He won't speak to my grandmother, and states that I am sabotaging him and taking sides with his ex-wife. They have a custody hearing today, and I am so scared that he will try to get custody of their child (at least part). He has no job, and was fired from Lyft because 3 people on 3 occasions reported him for driving while under the influences of drugs and/alcohol. He sent me these emails with ramblings like, "I never did this, this is crazy....blah blah blah..." after the third time, of course, they fired him. My sister-in-law (ex) said it would help her case potentially if she had those emails. He cannot have custody of that child in any way shape or form if or until he gets help. I sent her the emails. I know this is the right thing for that 4 year old, but these stupid tapes in my head of him saying I'm trying to sabotage him or turning my back on family is somewhat unnerving. My parents get home this evening and I have to tell them all of the craziness that has gone on while they were gone. I feel heartsick for them. I'm so nervous about the custody hearing today, too, but I know I have no control over that (or any of this). My partner is a child of an alcoholic and al anon really helped her in the past. We have moved to a different state since she was attending meetings, and I have to find a local meeting, too. My sister-in-law (ex) has also been going to al anon meetings. I'm so tired, I can't sleep and I'm sick of this disease ruining my family. :(
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 3rd of May 2017 09:48:31 AM
Hello and welcome. Alcoholism is a dreadful, progressive, chronic disease over which we are powerless. I understand the frustration and anxiety of which you speak and urge you to search out Alanon face to face meetings.
Positive thoughts and prayers on the way.