i was at a meeting today and someone was talking about 'toxic' people and having no tolerance for them and getting away from them. dealing with addictive behaviors how and when do you know the difference. what is the difference between the 'disease ' and 'toxic' .... i don't want to be around toxic people either. i know it is not good for anyone. but......... very confusing.
hotrod said
Apr 25, 2017
Hello Runi It can become confusing. I understand the word Toxic as used at a meeting as meaning :causing unpleasant feelings; harmful or malicious like a poison:
the disease of alcoholism is often described as cunning , baffling and powerful so I guess that people who are suffering from the disease can be considered" toxic"
shrnp said
Apr 25, 2017
Hi runi,
Welcome, I see the word toxic referring to someone that makes you sick like them. That is why we in Alanon talk about our own recovery. Alcoholism can cause a lot of pain for the people who love the alcoholic. Toxic people can drain your health, energy, well being and sanity. Some people can cause a lot of drama and fighting.
runi said
Apr 25, 2017
so. dealing with the disease of an alcoholic they can be toxic (as in my opinion we all can be), if we are trying to support the alcoholic we need to be careful about using words like toxic and not being around anyone toxic. thank you for your input. still not clear for me.
Freetime said
Apr 25, 2017
Hi Runi, This is a great topic and I appreciate how you are trying to understand this word that we sometimes hear people say. I agree that calling someone "toxic" does not show the understanding and forgiveness that our program strives for.
We are all at different stages of our own recovery. It is not easy to reach that state when our anger toward others turns into something more productive, and all of us in any given meeting might not have reached that state yet. I know it took me quite a while and intensive work on myself. I remember vividly the feeling of wanting to get away and stay away from certain individuals because I felt sick when around them, and my attitude toward them was very negative.
When I hear the word "disease," it helps me understand that alcoholism is recognized as a condition by the medical profession, and that people who have this condition are suffering. I guess it's really the intention behind the word, rather than the word itself. I could say, "He is sick" and mean it with compassion, or I could mean it as an insult. I could also mean that their sickness is contagious and for my own health I have to stay away from them until they have recovered. So in choosing my own words, I'd have to ask what my motivation is.
I think it is admirable when someone decides that he or she won't use a word like "toxic" because it doesn't fit with their principles and goals. As for what other people say, we can "take what we like and leave the rest."
I heard a wonderful thing from someone in a meeting once. She said she had to take a "leave of absence" from certain people in her life. I loved that because it was a respectful way of saying she had to stay away from certain people, but left the door open for possible improvement in the future.
-- Edited by Freetime on Tuesday 25th of April 2017 08:45:27 PM
shrnp said
Apr 25, 2017
This is an interesting subject because everyone's situation is different. Unfortunately, there can be a lot of emotional and physical abuse in relationships where one person is drinking to much. Alcoholism can also be a big financial burden on families. These and other situations can cause the people who love the alcoholic to lose their self-esteem, become depressed, and have anxiety issues. Some people may suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome. These are examples of extreme behaviors. However, it is obvious that everyone in a family or relationship of that kind have developed their own illnesses. It is a sad life for some people, and they might use the word toxic.
It is everyone's own choice what terminology they use. I agree with Freetime that you can "take what you like and leave the rest." Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect though. Some of us are recovering alcoholics/drug addicts ourselves. I would not have wanted someone getting angry with me and calling me toxic. It would have been very insulting if anyone would have used that word to describe me when I was drinking and using drugs. I would prefer that the word only be used in extreme situations.
_bunny_ said
Apr 26, 2017
I consider my AH to be toxic from time to time. Toxic to me means his disease can be harmful to my serenity. I choose to stay with my sometimes toxic, but lovely AH because I practice my program tools, detachment with love and setting boundaries. It's not easy being around toxic people, but for me, forgivness, letting go of resentment and working my program has made it possible.
Iamhere said
Apr 26, 2017
As I have progressed in my recovery, I've decided that labels are not a good way for me to be 'working it'. As I've progressed and worked hard to keep my focus on me, I've decided that gossip in any form is a sure way to zap my serenity. Labels for me = gossip. I don't respond to terms such as dry drunk, egomaniac, narcissist, toxic, etc. as for me and my program, those are judgments I am placing on others, which is contrary to my goals and makes me have to make amends.
I am a peer to all other humans on this earth. It's not my job now nor has it ever been to assess those around me and apply a label or judgment. I do agree with what has been shared for the definition, yet choose to not go there with my thinking. When I get hung up on a term, a label, another person's actions/lack of action, thoughts or deeds, I'm choosing to allow my recovery to be less important.
(((Hugs))) - as with all shares in recovery, take what you like and leave the rest!
i was at a meeting today and someone was talking about 'toxic' people and having no tolerance for them and getting away from them. dealing with addictive behaviors how and when do you know the difference. what is the difference between the 'disease ' and 'toxic' .... i don't want to be around toxic people either. i know it is not good for anyone. but......... very confusing.
the disease of alcoholism is often described as cunning , baffling and powerful so I guess that people who are suffering from the disease can be considered" toxic"
Welcome, I see the word toxic referring to someone that makes you sick like them. That is why we in Alanon talk about our own recovery. Alcoholism can cause a lot of pain for the people who love the alcoholic. Toxic people can drain your health, energy, well being and sanity. Some people can cause a lot of drama and fighting.
Hi Runi, This is a great topic and I appreciate how you are trying to understand this word that we sometimes hear people say. I agree that calling someone "toxic" does not show the understanding and forgiveness that our program strives for.
We are all at different stages of our own recovery. It is not easy to reach that state when our anger toward others turns into something more productive, and all of us in any given meeting might not have reached that state yet. I know it took me quite a while and intensive work on myself. I remember vividly the feeling of wanting to get away and stay away from certain individuals because I felt sick when around them, and my attitude toward them was very negative.
When I hear the word "disease," it helps me understand that alcoholism is recognized as a condition by the medical profession, and that people who have this condition are suffering. I guess it's really the intention behind the word, rather than the word itself. I could say, "He is sick" and mean it with compassion, or I could mean it as an insult. I could also mean that their sickness is contagious and for my own health I have to stay away from them until they have recovered. So in choosing my own words, I'd have to ask what my motivation is.
I think it is admirable when someone decides that he or she won't use a word like "toxic" because it doesn't fit with their principles and goals. As for what other people say, we can "take what we like and leave the rest."
I heard a wonderful thing from someone in a meeting once. She said she had to take a "leave of absence" from certain people in her life. I loved that because it was a respectful way of saying she had to stay away from certain people, but left the door open for possible improvement in the future.
-- Edited by Freetime on Tuesday 25th of April 2017 08:45:27 PM
It is everyone's own choice what terminology they use. I agree with Freetime that you can "take what you like and leave the rest." Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect though. Some of us are recovering alcoholics/drug addicts ourselves. I would not have wanted someone getting angry with me and calling me toxic. It would have been very insulting if anyone would have used that word to describe me when I was drinking and using drugs. I would prefer that the word only be used in extreme situations.
I am a peer to all other humans on this earth. It's not my job now nor has it ever been to assess those around me and apply a label or judgment. I do agree with what has been shared for the definition, yet choose to not go there with my thinking. When I get hung up on a term, a label, another person's actions/lack of action, thoughts or deeds, I'm choosing to allow my recovery to be less important.
(((Hugs))) - as with all shares in recovery, take what you like and leave the rest!