Found an Al anon group here in my neighborhood. My husband just walked out on me. Im scared that he would get himself into trouble drinking in a bar. Haven't contacted the Al anon here... Too scared that my husband would make a scene if he finds out. I married a wonderful person. But it changes right away once he popped open his first can. Really heartbreaking.
hotrod said
Apr 22, 2017
Welcome TryingtoHoldOn glad that you have found alanon meetings and I urge you to check out the meeting schedule and plan on attending .. Fear , anxiety, confusion are all feelings many can identify with while interacting with the disease of alcoholism. Because we are powerless over people places and things, it is important for us to learn how to let go of many negative coping tools and develop new constructive tools to live by. There is hope and help Please keep coming back
SerenityRUS said
Apr 22, 2017
Hugs and welcome you are in the right place to find healing. I hope you will keep coming back.
Alanon saw me through my divorce and there is life on the other side. Yes it has been scary, not like you think .. scary, thrilling, and so on .. kind of like a roller coaster not the addition one. I had 2 kids younger than 18 when my X and I split up.
Alanon truly saved my life.
Hugs S :)
MissM said
Apr 22, 2017
Hi and welcome
I would urge you to try the face to face meetings. You'll find that more than half of the people there likely felt scared to attend for the same or similar reasons, to begin with. Al-anon teaches us, among other things, ways to do what is best for us without fearing what others will say. I think you will find yourself in great company!
milkwood said
Apr 23, 2017
Welcome Tryingtoholdon ((((((hugs)))))))
Alcoholism is a heartbreaking disease isn't it? But we don't have to cope with it alone - there are others who have walked this path before us, you are not alone.
I can't count the number of times that I have avoiding helping myself by thinking about how my husband would feel about it! But when it comes down to it, of course the alcohol gremlins will complain and throw a tantrum when we try to get help! But sometimes I wondered whether the man I married would have complained if I asked to do something empowering and helpful for myself? I don't think he would.
I really tried to keep the peace but the sad truth for me was that I was trying to keep those alcohol gremlins peaceful - and often as not they got their own way as a result! It was a loosing battle until I just let them be!!
When I started to do what I needed to do for my own well-being my husband, in a lucid moment, mentioned that he felt proud of me. I think it was a relief to him that he no longer needed to feel ashamed about how he was treating me because I was clearly taking care of myself. It helped me, and it helped him, when I started to get the help that I needed.
I'm sorry that your husband has walked out - that is such a negative and hurtful message on the one hand. But perhaps it also feels more peaceful in your home tonight? Perhaps this space is helping you to get a sense of your own feelings? That is what it took for me to finally focus on myself enough to see how I was being affected by living with the crazy making alcoholism disease.
I hope you keep coming back, reading here really helped me. And if you do get to Al Anon in your own area I think that you may find another layer of support.
More (((((hugs))))))
Iamhere said
Apr 23, 2017
Tryingtoholdon - I too send warm welcomes to you....glad you found MIP and so glad that you joined right in. For many of us, the thought of going to Al-Anon meeting(s) was frightening. I send prayers and positive thoughts your way that you find the courage to go - it's the only place I found that I could just show up, get support and share when I was ready (or not) without advice, judgement or fear of gossip.
I am sorry for the pain caused by this disease. Be gentle with you and consider trying to focus on just you and what you need, just for today. When I finally got to a meeting, I heard the three C(s) and it allowed me to breathe in deeper than I had for a long, long while. They are - I didn't Cause it, I can't Cure it and I can't Control it. I think this had a profound impact on me as I had been told it was all my fault....I had tried everything I could think of - tears, screaming, manipulation and more to cure or control it and I was just worn down and out.
There is tons of hope and help in recovery. Keep coming back - you are in the right place!
TryingToHoldOn said
Apr 23, 2017
Thank you for all your good thoughts ...tried posting a reply earlier then it vanished for some reason website says meetings here are Tuesday nights.... Looking forward to it but scared at the same time! I live in a mid size city but everyone seems to know each other
Bo said
Apr 24, 2017
TryingToHoldOn wrote:
Found an Al anon group here in my neighborhood. My husband just walked out on me. Im scared that he would get himself into trouble drinking in a bar. Haven't contacted the Al anon here... Too scared that my husband would make a scene if he finds out. I married a wonderful person. But it changes right away once he popped open his first can. Really heartbreaking.
TryingToHoldOn wrote:
Thank you for all your good thoughts ...tried posting a reply earlier then it vanished for some reason website says meetings here are Tuesday nights.... Looking forward to it but scared at the same time! I live in a mid size city but everyone seems to know each other
First, go to the meeting. It will be the safest, most secure, welcoming place you will find. Anonymity is one of the core, foundations of this program. It will be safe. Second, he doesn't have to know, find out, you don't have to tell him, etc. -- right now. Just go. For you. You need to do this for you. Now. As far as the bar and getting into trouble -- there is nothing you can do about that. If he walks out, there's nothing you can do. Believe it or not, you need to let him. You'll learn about that. Reasonable thoughts and reasonable actions...for YOU.
You need to start learning to focus on you. You need to focus on you. You'll hear and learn about this at your first meeting, and second, and third, and you'll keep hearing about it.
-- Edited by Bo on Monday 24th of April 2017 10:33:39 AM
-- Edited by Bo on Monday 24th of April 2017 10:34:23 AM
-- Edited by Bo on Monday 24th of April 2017 10:34:52 AM
TryingToHoldOn said
Apr 25, 2017
Thank you! So true! I attended my first meeting earlier. Thank your for the empowering thoughts.
Found an Al anon group here in my neighborhood. My husband just walked out on me. Im scared that he would get himself into trouble drinking in a bar. Haven't contacted the Al anon here... Too scared that my husband would make a scene if he finds out. I married a wonderful person. But it changes right away once he popped open his first can. Really heartbreaking.
Welcome TryingtoHoldOn glad that you have found alanon meetings and I urge you to check out the meeting schedule and plan on attending .. Fear , anxiety, confusion are all feelings many can identify with while interacting with the disease of alcoholism. Because we are powerless over people places and things, it is important for us to learn how to let go of many negative coping tools and develop new constructive tools to live by. There is hope and help
Please keep coming back
Alanon saw me through my divorce and there is life on the other side. Yes it has been scary, not like you think .. scary, thrilling, and so on .. kind of like a roller coaster not the addition one. I had 2 kids younger than 18 when my X and I split up.
Alanon truly saved my life.
Hugs S :)
I would urge you to try the face to face meetings. You'll find that more than half of the people there likely felt scared to attend for the same or similar reasons, to begin with. Al-anon teaches us, among other things, ways to do what is best for us without fearing what others will say. I think you will find yourself in great company!
Alcoholism is a heartbreaking disease isn't it? But we don't have to cope with it alone - there are others who have walked this path before us, you are not alone.
I can't count the number of times that I have avoiding helping myself by thinking about how my husband would feel about it! But when it comes down to it, of course the alcohol gremlins will complain and throw a tantrum when we try to get help! But sometimes I wondered whether the man I married would have complained if I asked to do something empowering and helpful for myself? I don't think he would.
I really tried to keep the peace but the sad truth for me was that I was trying to keep those alcohol gremlins peaceful - and often as not they got their own way as a result! It was a loosing battle until I just let them be!!
When I started to do what I needed to do for my own well-being my husband, in a lucid moment, mentioned that he felt proud of me. I think it was a relief to him that he no longer needed to feel ashamed about how he was treating me because I was clearly taking care of myself. It helped me, and it helped him, when I started to get the help that I needed.
I'm sorry that your husband has walked out - that is such a negative and hurtful message on the one hand. But perhaps it also feels more peaceful in your home tonight? Perhaps this space is helping you to get a sense of your own feelings? That is what it took for me to finally focus on myself enough to see how I was being affected by living with the crazy making alcoholism disease.
I hope you keep coming back, reading here really helped me. And if you do get to Al Anon in your own area I think that you may find another layer of support.
More (((((hugs))))))
I am sorry for the pain caused by this disease. Be gentle with you and consider trying to focus on just you and what you need, just for today. When I finally got to a meeting, I heard the three C(s) and it allowed me to breathe in deeper than I had for a long, long while. They are - I didn't Cause it, I can't Cure it and I can't Control it. I think this had a profound impact on me as I had been told it was all my fault....I had tried everything I could think of - tears, screaming, manipulation and more to cure or control it and I was just worn down and out.
There is tons of hope and help in recovery. Keep coming back - you are in the right place!
TryingToHoldOn wrote:
Found an Al anon group here in my neighborhood. My husband just walked out on me. Im scared that he would get himself into trouble drinking in a bar. Haven't contacted the Al anon here... Too scared that my husband would make a scene if he finds out. I married a wonderful person. But it changes right away once he popped open his first can. Really heartbreaking.
TryingToHoldOn wrote:
Thank you for all your good thoughts ...tried posting a reply earlier then it vanished for some reason
website says meetings here are Tuesday nights.... Looking forward to it but scared at the same time! I live in a mid size city but everyone seems to know each other 
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
First, go to the meeting. It will be the safest, most secure, welcoming place you will find. Anonymity is one of the core, foundations of this program. It will be safe. Second, he doesn't have to know, find out, you don't have to tell him, etc. -- right now. Just go. For you. You need to do this for you. Now. As far as the bar and getting into trouble -- there is nothing you can do about that. If he walks out, there's nothing you can do. Believe it or not, you need to let him. You'll learn about that. Reasonable thoughts and reasonable actions...for YOU.
You need to start learning to focus on you. You need to focus on you. You'll hear and learn about this at your first meeting, and second, and third, and you'll keep hearing about it.
-- Edited by Bo on Monday 24th of April 2017 10:33:39 AM
-- Edited by Bo on Monday 24th of April 2017 10:34:23 AM
-- Edited by Bo on Monday 24th of April 2017 10:34:52 AM