For those of you that remember my AH has been really out of control lately. I made it to my first F2F meeting this week which was great. Kind of a weird experience for me but positive and I will go back. This week he spent more on our (my credit card) and took more money out of our joint account. I am taking the card away today and will try to be diligent about making sure our account is empty as well. He gets spending money every week to do whatever he wants with so I'm not monitoring or controlling him otherwise. He got home at 10 last night half in the bag, and he got angry that I didn't want to discuss his career. He has a new supervisor which is the current reason our life is completely disfuntional - after THIS things will be great right? Haha. I was good and didn't fight and engage - I was friendly and went to bed and said we could talk tomorrow. He drunkenly called a coworker to discuss things at work which makes me cringe. This week he stayed up extremely late getting drunk and was very late getting up for work. He started asking me to drive him to work or the subway (I always refuse bcs I am not getting pulled into the chaos of hungover driving to work every time) - he yelled at me that he has a new boss and it will be partially my fault if he gets fired. He got really aggressive at one point grabbing our two year old daughter and trying to get me to come with him to the car. He put her down and got more aggressive and very lightly pushed me into the counter in the kitchen. My daughter was so upset after and she actually attempted to bite a kid at preschool that day (something she hasn't done in months) so I know it stressed her out. I feel so bad for her. I feel like I am working towards leaving him - our marriage is so hollowed out. Sometimes it's hard to picture leaving because he is mostly absent and his drinking isn't around as much - so I often have a peaceful but lonely existence. I feel like it's wrong to leave now, like things aren't "bad enough" but that's crazy right? Have others felt that way? And do I really want to wait until things are "bad enough"!? Sorrry this is so long.

Hugs and I'm so so sorry you are dealing with this .. My experience is regarding being ready to leave you will know when you know. My experience has also been God tends to do things for me I can't do myself .. Meaning I have prayed please give me "the sign" .. I don't know apparently the 3 DUIs wasn't enough of a sign lol! So God gave me the hello don't ignore .. I was more prepared for the lesson and I was ready. I had a sponsor meetings regular attendance of meetings .. All of that helped me deal with the denial and what did I want regardless of he was drinking or not. I could not love my xah where he was at .. active in the disease. In did/do not like him sober. It's wholly unfortunate. Good for you that you did it!!! Meetings sponsorship and just being present in me helped a great deal. Hugs. I don't like he's gotten comfortable putting his hands on you in front of your daughter. I do encourage you to at least seek counseling at the DV office. It's free and confidential.

So, so glad you made it to a meeting! It's at meetings (as many as I could get to) that I found my 'tribe' that supported me in my chaos, confusion and finally living. There are no right/wrong answers and I have been where you are - should I stay or should I go? My marriage was also very hollow and leaning into recovery helped me pause long enough to restore some sanity and then just live one day at a time and focus on the next right thing.

Vent away anytime you need to - just sharing often helped me find some peace so I could realize it was the disease I hated and not the person...(((Hugs))

HI Vicki,

As Serenity said, you will know when you know, but it sounds like he is spinning out of control, and things may get bad before you know you do actually know. When things start getting violent is the only time we give advice, and it's a very good idea to be prepared to get the heck out at a moment's notice, and getting in touch with your local domestic violence office /shelter is a great start - again, just as Serenity said.

Keep coming back here and venting or whatever you want to do, and it's great that you have been to a local meeting!

Kenny