Today's c2c addresses some of the misconceptions people often have about the fourth step, and the notion of searching for our defects. Many of us are by default very hard on ourselves and this step can seem like an excuse to berate ourselves even further. This is why we first thoroughly work the first 3 steps and give ourselves a solid spiritual foundation to work upon. When we truly know we are working with a HP who accepts and loves us with our limitations and defects, the process of facing them and releasing them is far simpler and much more rewarding.
The reading is a good reminder that the first 3 steps are the foundation of the entire program and can be revisited and strengthened at any stage!
"I now have a goal I can see clearly, and the program with which to work toward it. It is my guide to self improvement,m comfort and a better way of life" (The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage")
***
I know that when I began my journey I was intensely self critical and the concept of the fourth step frightened me, yet when I attempted to work the steps myself I raced through the first 3 without really understanding them (I figured them for "fluff") and tried to get straight into my defects....like ripping off a bandaid I guess. Of course this didn't help me much, in fact I just felt overwhelmed and more negative than ever and wondered why i was bothering with al-anon if it made me feel so awful.
Later I worked those first 3 steps again, with guidance and in great detail and of course, everything made more sense and began to work. That inventory became a marvelous journey of discovery, where I virtually met myself for the first time and discovered that I had assets as well as defects, and that my defects weren't all "bad"- many of them were misused assets. And, just as importantly, I discovered that I deserved the same love and acceptance I afford to everyone else in my life, a concept that up until then had somehow eluded me entirely. All of this was possible because of the peace and acceptance I found through working those first 3 steps which were not "fluff" at all, as it turned out.
Now, they form the basis of how I deal with each and every difficult situation or feeling that I come across. I first find my powerlessness, and then I find my HP, and then I handball the problem to her, lol But seriously, you know what I mean.
Very grateful to have such wonderful tools to navigate life with now.
hotrod said
Apr 22, 2017
Great reminder and reading Ms. M The fourth Step was indeed frightening in the beginning of my alanon journey and this page as well a talking it over with my sponsor enlightened me to the fact that, I am human and have many assets that I have hidden under this negative coping tools so when I uncover them and am willing to move forward my positive, courageous tools will have a chance to surface and direcct my life That really helped.It is all a process and haing begun I am so very grateful
Thanks for your service dn for being here .
Enigmatic said
Apr 22, 2017
Thank you for your service and the daily Miss M, and both for your honesty and ESH. I, too, started in heavy on #4, but was grateful for the thoroughness and emphasis on my positive traits (went through the Blue workbook). As with so many things in the program, it helped point me in the direction of moderation and balance...
Reflection on how the program has benefitted me is always rewarding and helps me find the gratitude that is always beneficial and calming. Encouraging to hear how it is helping you daily
2HP said
Apr 22, 2017
Wonderful thread!
I too believed step 4 was about beating myself up and so it took years to decide to do it. I had already been so beaten and criticized my entire life, I did not want to go there, not understanding step 4 was never intended to be something that I do "to" myself but rather something I do "for" myself... it is the road to freedom.
This is what motivates me to do inventory on EVERY resentment that pops up, as opposed to working an inventory every few years. The BB says it best for me, "the spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it" ... through perseverance....
the constant practice of waking up every day and practicing all over again.... doing more of what is working.... while doing less of what is not, lol! Step 4 lets me know what's not working.
thank you all for the great inspiration on step 4.
Today's c2c addresses some of the misconceptions people often have about the fourth step, and the notion of searching for our defects. Many of us are by default very hard on ourselves and this step can seem like an excuse to berate ourselves even further. This is why we first thoroughly work the first 3 steps and give ourselves a solid spiritual foundation to work upon. When we truly know we are working with a HP who accepts and loves us with our limitations and defects, the process of facing them and releasing them is far simpler and much more rewarding.
The reading is a good reminder that the first 3 steps are the foundation of the entire program and can be revisited and strengthened at any stage!
"I now have a goal I can see clearly, and the program with which to work toward it. It is my guide to self improvement,m comfort and a better way of life" (The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage")
***
I know that when I began my journey I was intensely self critical and the concept of the fourth step frightened me, yet when I attempted to work the steps myself I raced through the first 3 without really understanding them (I figured them for "fluff") and tried to get straight into my defects....like ripping off a bandaid I guess. Of course this didn't help me much, in fact I just felt overwhelmed and more negative than ever and wondered why i was bothering with al-anon if it made me feel so awful.
Later I worked those first 3 steps again, with guidance and in great detail and of course, everything made more sense and began to work. That inventory became a marvelous journey of discovery, where I virtually met myself for the first time and discovered that I had assets as well as defects, and that my defects weren't all "bad"- many of them were misused assets. And, just as importantly, I discovered that I deserved the same love and acceptance I afford to everyone else in my life, a concept that up until then had somehow eluded me entirely. All of this was possible because of the peace and acceptance I found through working those first 3 steps which were not "fluff" at all, as it turned out.
Now, they form the basis of how I deal with each and every difficult situation or feeling that I come across. I first find my powerlessness, and then I find my HP, and then I handball the problem to her, lol
But seriously, you know what I mean.
Very grateful to have such wonderful tools to navigate life with now.
Thanks for your service dn for being here .
Reflection on how the program has benefitted me is always rewarding and helps me find the gratitude that is always beneficial and calming. Encouraging to hear how it is helping you daily
I too believed step 4 was about beating myself up and so it took years to decide to do it. I had already been so beaten and criticized my entire life, I did not want to go there, not understanding step 4 was never intended to be something that I do "to" myself but rather something I do "for" myself... it is the road to freedom.
This is what motivates me to do inventory on EVERY resentment that pops up, as opposed to working an inventory every few years. The BB says it best for me, "the spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it" ... through perseverance....
the constant practice of waking up every day and practicing all over again.... doing more of what is working.... while doing less of what is not, lol! Step 4 lets me know what's not working.
thank you all for the great inspiration on step 4.