This really has struck me lately .. I totally get it and I can obsessively think about one thing usually singing the him's in my case. Him did me wrong. Him did this .. him did that .. LOL. I still do it .. guilty as charged.
I thank GOD for Alanon because it put into perspective what is me causing pain to myself and what is actually pain. Now .. my XAH cheating on me, lying, stealing from our kids and so on .. YUP that's on HIM. MY part .. I denied, I justified and again I will go with the I was a miserable cow statement .. truly that was where I was at. Ohh yes .. I was horrible selfish even though I would tell you and sing my songs of woe about the him's. I caused probably about 90% of my own pain in specific situations .. expecting him to be someone he wasn't, trying to force him to be someone he wasn't, self pity is a big one, snooping .. guilty as charged .. lol.
What helped me get through the obsessing about what he was or wasn't doing was silly little tricks that worked for me .. I kept and sometimes still do a rubber hair tie on my wrist so that I can give it a quick pull when I feel I am obsessing over something I can't control .. ironically the him's .. LOL.
Meetings helped as well .. it redirected me back to the issue of what was my part and what could I change and what did I just have to accept even if I did it through gritting teeth.
Sponsorship .. I miss my sponsor :( I am saying for those who do not have a sponsor even if you are attending meetings you are short changing yourself in your own healing without a sponsor .. if it is fear holding you back .. feel the fear and do it anyways .. be choosy in who you ask .. listen to the shares and find out who you relate to, how does that make you feel and so on .. not everyone is a good sponsor or ready to be a sponsor. For me I had to ask 3x and it was the 3rd time she is my angel now and I know she roots for me.
Read, practice, have an open mind, take what you like leave the rest, sometimes what I have heard in meetings I wasn't ready for in my own healing until down the road.
Podcasts of Alanon speakers. Round up's are another way where it's a fellowship of being with other people of alanon and they are awesome!!!
ESH .. a huge one .. I can't fix my own broken thinking with my own broken thinking so I need others who have succeeded in this journey of life.
Hugs S :)
andromeda said
Apr 15, 2017
Thank you for these gentle reminders today. I'm relaxing and enjoying my morning here in AZ today and I was just sitting here feeling grateful for program and for all my friends, both IRL and on MIP, that I am so very grateful to have in my life today.
As scary as the world became to me once I fully opened my eyes, I am still blessed to know that reality is way better than the illusions I sold myself when I was living with alcoholism. Snooping was a big one for me with my XAH. I always was so ashamed of myself for doing it because it seemed so invasive.....but I just had to know, you know? Today, I can say that I never snoop on my current bf. I've never even had an inclination to do so. It was like, once my marriage was over, that particular obsessive behavior left me. Wish I could say it was that way with everything else, lol, but it's not.
I still obsess. I over think. I take everything that someone says and treat each word as if it has equal value and must mean something that it didn't. My interpretations of words spoken or written is usually wrong but I've learned to actually ask people what their intention was. So, even if my feelings are hurt, I don't need to obsess. I can ask. Communication, honest communication, became a big part of how I'm trying to live today.
HUGS.....thank you for sharing!
Marie71 said
Apr 15, 2017
I overthink just about everything. Always trying to see the other side of the coin. Obsessing over what was or wasn't said...I actually had a bit of overthinking this morning...thing is, I knew I was doing it...but it is so hard to just stop it sometimes. I have found listening to speakers online helps a great deal too.
shrnp said
Apr 16, 2017
Sometimes, I get into obsessive thinking about the past and my A ex-bf. Small things will remind me of his awful behavior. Then I dwell on it. I have started watching the clock making sure I do no spend a longtime thinking about the past. Just identifying that it is obsessive behavior helps me to change my thoughts and move on. Alanon has given me a lot of slogans that I can use during these times.
MeTwo2 said
Apr 16, 2017
I overthink just about everything. Always trying to see the other side of the coin. Obsessing over what was or wasn't said... (really trying to control on this end .. i relate so well .. if i could just figure out a way) .. i have major ocd right now .. almost feel like i'm back to day one of recovery .. but the reality is it's not day one .. just a feeling .. still trying so hard to let go of so much ..
love the analogy of singing the hims .. geeze i did that Too .. Soo long .. still moving through the tunnel .. sometimes i stop and look around and that is so painful .. say i am so stuck .. have been so stuck in this that the other thing .. i stay stuck because i stop moving .. reminder to me to keep working through the recovery steps .. thanks for this ..
This really has struck me lately .. I totally get it and I can obsessively think about one thing usually singing the him's in my case. Him did me wrong. Him did this .. him did that .. LOL. I still do it .. guilty as charged.
I thank GOD for Alanon because it put into perspective what is me causing pain to myself and what is actually pain. Now .. my XAH cheating on me, lying, stealing from our kids and so on .. YUP that's on HIM. MY part .. I denied, I justified and again I will go with the I was a miserable cow statement .. truly that was where I was at. Ohh yes .. I was horrible selfish even though I would tell you and sing my songs of woe about the him's. I caused probably about 90% of my own pain in specific situations .. expecting him to be someone he wasn't, trying to force him to be someone he wasn't, self pity is a big one, snooping .. guilty as charged .. lol.
What helped me get through the obsessing about what he was or wasn't doing was silly little tricks that worked for me .. I kept and sometimes still do a rubber hair tie on my wrist so that I can give it a quick pull when I feel I am obsessing over something I can't control .. ironically the him's .. LOL.
Meetings helped as well .. it redirected me back to the issue of what was my part and what could I change and what did I just have to accept even if I did it through gritting teeth.
Sponsorship .. I miss my sponsor :( I am saying for those who do not have a sponsor even if you are attending meetings you are short changing yourself in your own healing without a sponsor .. if it is fear holding you back .. feel the fear and do it anyways .. be choosy in who you ask .. listen to the shares and find out who you relate to, how does that make you feel and so on .. not everyone is a good sponsor or ready to be a sponsor. For me I had to ask 3x and it was the 3rd time she is my angel now and I know she roots for me.
Read, practice, have an open mind, take what you like leave the rest, sometimes what I have heard in meetings I wasn't ready for in my own healing until down the road.
Podcasts of Alanon speakers. Round up's are another way where it's a fellowship of being with other people of alanon and they are awesome!!!
ESH .. a huge one .. I can't fix my own broken thinking with my own broken thinking so I need others who have succeeded in this journey of life.
Hugs S :)
As scary as the world became to me once I fully opened my eyes, I am still blessed to know that reality is way better than the illusions I sold myself when I was living with alcoholism. Snooping was a big one for me with my XAH. I always was so ashamed of myself for doing it because it seemed so invasive.....but I just had to know, you know? Today, I can say that I never snoop on my current bf. I've never even had an inclination to do so. It was like, once my marriage was over, that particular obsessive behavior left me. Wish I could say it was that way with everything else, lol, but it's not.
I still obsess. I over think. I take everything that someone says and treat each word as if it has equal value and must mean something that it didn't. My interpretations of words spoken or written is usually wrong but I've learned to actually ask people what their intention was. So, even if my feelings are hurt, I don't need to obsess. I can ask. Communication, honest communication, became a big part of how I'm trying to live today.
HUGS.....thank you for sharing!
I overthink just about everything. Always trying to see the other side of the coin. Obsessing over what was or wasn't said... (really trying to control on this end .. i relate so well .. if i could just figure out a way) .. i have major ocd right now .. almost feel like i'm back to day one of recovery .. but the reality is it's not day one .. just a feeling .. still trying so hard to let go of so much ..
love the analogy of singing the hims .. geeze i did that Too .. Soo long .. still moving through the tunnel .. sometimes i stop and look around and that is so painful .. say i am so stuck .. have been so stuck in this that the other thing .. i stay stuck because i stop moving .. reminder to me to keep working through the recovery steps .. thanks for this ..