WOW. I've been on the receiving end of my AH's anger before (not physically, just emotionally and verbally) but DANG, he's on a new level this weekend. Maybe it's because he can't drink and he knows it. He's on his last leg at work and his oldest child refuses to even speak to him since he missed her birthday last weekend by being drunk. I pretty much can't do anything right. It's almost laughable if it wasn't so darn exhausting. I've been battling with my youngest daughter's doctors for the last month. She has had abdominal pain for over 3 weeks now. I've literally been to the doctors and/or ER 7 times in the last 14 days. Yesterday she felt up to going and seeing her sister (my husband's oldest, my step daughter) her niece and her brother in law. So off we went. AH tells me before I leave that I better be careful about money, he knows how I get and how I don't give a D I just spend spend spend. I looked at him like he grew a second head. I'm the one who goes to work every day and even worked Saturday this week to make up for the time I missed taking my D to the doctor while he was home missing his commission only job and being drunk. Pretty sure I know our finances better than he does. I just told him to not treat me like I'm stupid because I know as much as anyone where we stand. That set off a whole other level of verbal attacks. Ending with "well you are stupid" I just ignored him got ready and left the house. Fast forward to about 9pm. SD ordered pizza for all of us at her house. Her money her pizza. AH has a coronary because I didn't cook for him before I left (like I ever have when he's like that?) and that I refused to cook dinner at 9pm so that he had leftovers this morning. Said he will find his own way to get food since I'm such a thoughtless person and didn't bring him food. Couldn't was more like it. SD flat out said that he wasn't getting a dang thing from her and that included pizza. Her house, her rules. Then it continues on at 5am because our son who drove his car last didn't leave him enough gas to get to work (in the past ah has always said that he gets gas monday morning) not a cool move by my son and I will have that conversation with him, but pretty sure I didn't need to be screamed at in the middle of the parking lot of the apartments. I'm assuming it's because he's not drinking and wants to that he's acting this way?
On a side note, I've still not been able to get to a f2f, there are only 2 meetings locally and I have prior commitments on both nights. My Monday commitment will be dropping off soon so I will be going to a f2f soon. Any advice you have is welcome. My body and mind are exhausted and my soul is tired.
SerenityRUS said
Apr 10, 2017
Yikes .. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this .. there are a couple of thoughts that come to mind .. one is acknowledging what he's said by stating I'm sorry you feel that way .. to you might be right and just walking away. A's tend to look for a fight to have the responsibility of drinking be foisted upon the other person which means they can blame. The best thing I have found to do is not accept the responsibility however I do not engage crazy talk. I don't know what your situation is and it can easily get physical based upon where crazy is at. Being he's dry the anger tends to escalate .. or that was my experience with my XAH .. the longer he was dry the meaner he got.
I seriously encourage you to get to a meeting, get a sponsor and work the steps, alanon lit helps a great deal. Knowing when to and when not to engage is a huge help as well. Most of all learning not to take his dry periods or wet ones personally .. the issue is not about me directly.
Hugs S :)
hotrod said
Apr 10, 2017
SoLost Meetings will help. You did validate yourself and used positive tools during the day. great .. Could the little ones stomach probems be a "reaction to the alsoholism at home? I know that happened to me- alateen might help her as well
WOW. I've been on the receiving end of my AH's anger before (not physically, just emotionally and verbally) but DANG, he's on a new level this weekend. Maybe it's because he can't drink and he knows it. He's on his last leg at work and his oldest child refuses to even speak to him since he missed her birthday last weekend by being drunk. I pretty much can't do anything right. It's almost laughable if it wasn't so darn exhausting. I've been battling with my youngest daughter's doctors for the last month. She has had abdominal pain for over 3 weeks now. I've literally been to the doctors and/or ER 7 times in the last 14 days. Yesterday she felt up to going and seeing her sister (my husband's oldest, my step daughter) her niece and her brother in law. So off we went. AH tells me before I leave that I better be careful about money, he knows how I get and how I don't give a D I just spend spend spend. I looked at him like he grew a second head. I'm the one who goes to work every day and even worked Saturday this week to make up for the time I missed taking my D to the doctor while he was home missing his commission only job and being drunk. Pretty sure I know our finances better than he does. I just told him to not treat me like I'm stupid because I know as much as anyone where we stand. That set off a whole other level of verbal attacks. Ending with "well you are stupid" I just ignored him got ready and left the house. Fast forward to about 9pm. SD ordered pizza for all of us at her house. Her money her pizza. AH has a coronary because I didn't cook for him before I left (like I ever have when he's like that?) and that I refused to cook dinner at 9pm so that he had leftovers this morning. Said he will find his own way to get food since I'm such a thoughtless person and didn't bring him food. Couldn't was more like it. SD flat out said that he wasn't getting a dang thing from her and that included pizza. Her house, her rules. Then it continues on at 5am because our son who drove his car last didn't leave him enough gas to get to work (in the past ah has always said that he gets gas monday morning) not a cool move by my son and I will have that conversation with him, but pretty sure I didn't need to be screamed at in the middle of the parking lot of the apartments. I'm assuming it's because he's not drinking and wants to that he's acting this way?
On a side note, I've still not been able to get to a f2f, there are only 2 meetings locally and I have prior commitments on both nights. My Monday commitment will be dropping off soon so I will be going to a f2f soon. Any advice you have is welcome. My body and mind are exhausted and my soul is tired.
I seriously encourage you to get to a meeting, get a sponsor and work the steps, alanon lit helps a great deal. Knowing when to and when not to engage is a huge help as well. Most of all learning not to take his dry periods or wet ones personally .. the issue is not about me directly.
Hugs S :)