My attorney advised me to stay off social media, so I haven't been posting. Thursday, we had a mediation and reached a settlement agreement. He gets the house and $100K from my IRA. (I was always worried that he didn't have enough saved for retirement. I was right. Ha.) What did I get? I get to keep more than I expected. I get to be divorced. I get a valuable lesson in self care and prenuptial agreements and program.
Friday, I met my attorney at the courthouse and the judge approved my divorce petition. I'm divorced and waiting on the final decree. Big relief and still plenty of packing to do. Moved some things to my new place and trying to coordinate a day in my work schedule for the movers. My sister was laid off and starts a new job May 1. She's offered to coordinate an interim move of bed and basic stuff so I can start sleeping at my new place. So blessed to have her support. My daughter, who just turned 27 and lives in Ohio, told me yesterday that she was proud of me. Lots of tears and emotion.
The mediation was awful. The mediator was elderly and wasted very expensive time talking about his former clients, his garden, his time in Vietnam, his health problems, etc. I was reciting the Serenity Prayer and grinding my teeth. My attorney and I were a captive audience. How do you tell the person who's keeping you from an expensive court fight to stick to the matters at hand? I feel like asking him to pay part of my attorney's fees. Sheesh! Another sister is an attorney. I will ask her the best way to file a complaint about that guy. Maybe I'll wait for the dust to settle to see if my perspective changes.
Moving is stressful. I'm still processing the emotion, and the tears pop up at the oddest times. I could barely speak in my F2F yesterday and my group was so loving and supportive. I know this had to happen, and it happened by HP's grace and in his time. Still feeling bruised from the mediation. But the overall feeling is relief. I'm free. This person's choices won't affect me financially or emotionally any longer. I won't be his keeper or caretaker or witness to helplessness as a way of life. I will do for myself. I will continue on my journey. I don't think I could have gotten to this point without the wisdom and ESH I've found here. This miracle took a lot of hard work. And I'm extremely grateful.
Cathy
a4l said
Apr 9, 2017
You are incredibly graceful and I'm very humbled by your calm dignity, gratitude and refusal to be emotionally dominated by temporary circumstances. I would love to be free of that type of emotional attachment and its subsequent resentments myself one day. Congratulations on regaining your freedom, I add my love and support your way.
Edna.
El said
Apr 9, 2017
Best of luck to you, Mcat! Sounds like you have a wonderful support system as you transition. Please keep us posted!
Boy, that serenity prayer comes in handy everywhere, doesn't it!?
(((hugs)))
Ellen
Iamhere said
Apr 9, 2017
(((Cathy))) - I celebrate your day and send you tons of positive thoughts and prayers for your next chapter!!! It sounds as if you truly are free of the bondage of the disease, and that is awesome!!!
hotrod said
Apr 9, 2017
((Cathy)) Thank you for your inspiring message. You are correct, I too have found that" miracles" do take a great deal of hard work and you did so and it paid off. Positive thoughts on the way.
el-cee said
Apr 10, 2017
Congratulations and welcome to freedom. It's filled with amazing gifts like peace calm choices fun learning growth and of course the lessons continue.x
SerenityRUS said
Apr 10, 2017
Your story reminded me of when I drove for a meeting with my attorney my X and his attorney we sat and listened to his attorney go on and on and on over something that literally should have taken 15 min maybe a 1/2 hour. We were there for an hour and a 1/2 listening to him go on about retiring and so on. I was like STHU already and let's move on. LOL. I did not pay for that escapade .. my X did though so I figure must be nice.
Freedom is priceless. Enjoy yours and they are only lessons in the big scheme of things .. for me it was worth the price.
hugs S :)
Mcat54 said
Apr 11, 2017
Thanks everyone. When I was considering this, it was helpful to hear that I didn't have to have everything figured out, that I could do the next right thing and trust that more would be revealed. Letting go of perfection and control of outcomes allowed me to initiate the divorce and work my way through it. I had considered it for probably four of the six years I was married. I got here in HP's time, though I still kick myself occasionally for waiting too long.
I have angels working overtime. I thought I wouldn't move until my next scheduled time off on April 20, but my sisters have offered to coordinate a move this thursday. So happy to know I'll be in my own place by this weekend. Came home yesterday and found a marijuana bud on the kitchen floor. I guess once the divorce settlement was final, all other "agreements" were null and void. I wasn't doubting my decision at all, but I appreciated the reinforcement and evidence that my suspicions have been correct! this one last time. I pray he finds peace and recovery if that's HP's will. I pray I will eventually sleep more than 4 to 5 hours a night. I'm driving carefully and trying to stay aware of my movements. I tend to get clumsy when I haven't slept, and I don't want to injure myself.
a4l said
Apr 14, 2017
So glad you're out of there sooner than later. I always felt surreal coming accross stuff like marijuana buds or hidden/forgotten bottles,like I'd stepped into someone elses life. Thank god for you thats the truth now, Someone else's life! Take good good care xx
Cathyinaz said
Apr 14, 2017
Cathy this is Cathy
I final got the courage to leave my partner of 26 years. It was very stressful but it was best thing for me. Now I can move on and make a better life for myself.
My attorney advised me to stay off social media, so I haven't been posting. Thursday, we had a mediation and reached a settlement agreement. He gets the house and $100K from my IRA. (I was always worried that he didn't have enough saved for retirement. I was right. Ha.) What did I get? I get to keep more than I expected. I get to be divorced. I get a valuable lesson in self care and prenuptial agreements and program.
Edna.
Best of luck to you, Mcat! Sounds like you have a wonderful support system as you transition. Please keep us posted!
Boy, that serenity prayer comes in handy everywhere, doesn't it!?
(((hugs)))
Ellen
Freedom is priceless. Enjoy yours and they are only lessons in the big scheme of things .. for me it was worth the price.
hugs S :)
Thanks everyone. When I was considering this, it was helpful to hear that I didn't have to have everything figured out, that I could do the next right thing and trust that more would be revealed. Letting go of perfection and control of outcomes allowed me to initiate the divorce and work my way through it. I had considered it for probably four of the six years I was married. I got here in HP's time, though I still kick myself occasionally for waiting too long.
I have angels working overtime. I thought I wouldn't move until my next scheduled time off on April 20, but my sisters have offered to coordinate a move this thursday. So happy to know I'll be in my own place by this weekend. Came home yesterday and found a marijuana bud on the kitchen floor. I guess once the divorce settlement was final, all other "agreements" were null and void. I wasn't doubting my decision at all, but I appreciated the reinforcement and evidence that my suspicions have been correct! this one last time. I pray he finds peace and recovery if that's HP's will. I pray I will eventually sleep more than 4 to 5 hours a night. I'm driving carefully and trying to stay aware of my movements. I tend to get clumsy when I haven't slept, and I don't want to injure myself.
I final got the courage to leave my partner of 26 years. It was very stressful but it was best thing for me. Now I can move on and make a better life for myself.
6 months on my own....
HUGS