My AH is still actively drinking. Not pass out drunk anymore, but the kind where he tries to hide it, all the while promising he will get help. He never follows through on that. I have moved on to ACCEPTANCE, b/c I have to.But because of his continued usage, he health is deteriorating. He has some decent days, but most of the time he is plagued by abdominal pain due to his HUGE liver. Today he thought he was having a heart attack at work and came home (but of course laid in bed and told me nothing about it until late at night).
My parents have suggested that I:
1. take out an additional life insurance plan on him
or
2. talk to him about upping his current insurance plan through work.
They are afraid that something will happen to him, and my son and I will be left with next to nothing. My AH is 53, but seems like he is 80. So far he is getting away with not working a "full" day. He no longer is taking his meds and refuses to do doctor follow-up appointments, blood-work etc. I work part-time, at minimum wage. Because of his past addiction and his current addiction, we have tons of debt, and no savings to speak of. Our child is 16.
Because I now know that his health problems are a direct result of his alcoholism, I know that I cannot control this. Has anyone else been in this type of situation where they take the steps to get more life insurance? I feel that there is no way he would be able to pass the physical required. Did you qualifier understand the need for your actions?
Thank you in advance for your ESH.
-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Friday 7th of April 2017 03:55:50 AM
Skorpi said
Apr 7, 2017
Hmmm, that's a tough situation to be in. I'm sorry you have to be the one to think through this logically.
My AW was still actively drinking when I started this job, and I was able to purchase life insurance for both of us when I was hired without the physical. Every year at a specific time, I am able to make changes to my insurance plans and benefits. I just add a bit more each year for both of us, and I don't bother to discuss it with her, aside from a "Just so you know..." I know I am very lucky to have that option for life insurance - she tried to purchase life insurance herself when she started recovery and found a job, but she wasn't able to purchase it because she had been in treatment for addiction issues. (And there is irony for you. Don't get help for addiction issues, you can buy life insurance. Go to treatment, you don't qualify to purchase life insurance.) I am sure there are other options for her to get her own policy, but it isn't urgent because I have coverage through my employer for us both.
One other thing I did when I started my current job is to set up direct deposit and split accounts to where the money goes. I set aside a small amount in a different account, and from that account, started to pay down my debt. I decided not to tell my actively drinking wife at that point, because I tried to set up a similar plan with her first through our joint account, and she absolutely would not agree that we needed to do anything about the debt, because we needed all the money to "live on" (code for: buy alcohol) I started with the smallest debt amounts first so I would feel accomplished. Now, three years later, I've paid off all the bad debt that was solely in my name, and have one more item that is joint with her that I am making progress on. The debt that is in her name I let be her problem. She was UPSET about the other account and me paying down debt when she found out, but by then, I was already less stressed because I had fewer creditors calling, and had found Alanon so I correctly identified that I had put a boundary in place, and that it was ok to ignore the temper tantrum and stick with my boundary.
SerenityRUS said
Apr 7, 2017
Ok I'm going to be morbid and with my horrible dark sense of humor I'm not right be forewarned .. So take what you like and leave the rest. Can you afford additional insurance? Term life is a great way to go. Honestly my xah is worth more to me dead that alive. Something to consider are death benefits .. In the US there are social security death benefits for kids under the age of 18. I would get more than continuing with support. Yes .. Additional support is great you need read the fine print and it helps having someone you know who can answer questions. My XAH couldn't afford term life because the guy chews his premiums were through the roof I pay less that 25$ a month for Additional coverage on myself. My concern being I want the Kids not to rely on their dad for funds. I had to take a full physical for mine. To purchase an outright plan I can't do it. It's about 300$ a month even though I do all the right things. I don't know how people purchase insurance without the other party knowing. I would def take out the maximum at work on him. Hugs hard subject I'm sure.
hotrod said
Apr 7, 2017
I do hear you PP sending positive thoughts and prayers on the way. Many years ago, I was in a similar situation and decided that I needed to go back to work full-time in order to begin to pay down the credit cards and back bills. My hubby did stop drinking and attained sobriety during that period of time. However, he died suddenly after six years in program. I was very grateful that I had returned to work full time, his life insurance was not have been enough , and because he smoked and was a former drinker he was not eligible for additional life insurance. Having returned to work and having a full-time paycheck was a great gift because I realized that it would've been so difficult to search for a job while I was grieving.
Keep taking care yourself. Listen to the small voice within and trust HP. You are not alone
Freetime said
Apr 7, 2017
Hi Posies, I very much relate to the financial worries about husband's health decline due to drinking. I don't know about life insurance, but I did talk to an attorney about how to arrange our finances so husband's long term care would not devastate our savings. Like Hotrod, I was glad I had my own full time job. You are very smart to think about your financial future. That is the courage to change the things we can.
shrnp said
Apr 7, 2017
Hi Posie, My A ex-bf was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver three months ago. He is only 48 years old, and he looks a lot older too. He got very sick and had to be admitted into the hospital for 10 days, and he has not been drinking since then. Prior to that he was going to the emergency room every month it seemed like. I would prepare yourself for all of the expenses associated with the disease. Luckily, my ex-bf has low to no deductibles for short hospital stays because he was already disabled and has medicare and medicaid. He is taking around eight different medications and the co-pay for those is very low too. It is important to have some insight.
-- Edited by shrnp on Friday 7th of April 2017 03:10:06 PM
-- Edited by shrnp on Friday 7th of April 2017 07:55:36 PM
PosiesandPuppies said
Apr 10, 2017
Thank you everyone for your insight. I did talk to him about approaching his work's HR dept. to see if they could bump it up some if we paid into it. I am going to remind him this week. He didn't seem angry about that, but probably a little sad.
My AH is still actively drinking. Not pass out drunk anymore, but the kind where he tries to hide it, all the while promising he will get help. He never follows through on that. I have moved on to ACCEPTANCE, b/c I have to.But because of his continued usage, he health is deteriorating. He has some decent days, but most of the time he is plagued by abdominal pain due to his HUGE liver. Today he thought he was having a heart attack at work and came home (but of course laid in bed and told me nothing about it until late at night).
My parents have suggested that I:
1. take out an additional life insurance plan on him
or
2. talk to him about upping his current insurance plan through work.
They are afraid that something will happen to him, and my son and I will be left with next to nothing. My AH is 53, but seems like he is 80. So far he is getting away with not working a "full" day. He no longer is taking his meds and refuses to do doctor follow-up appointments, blood-work etc. I work part-time, at minimum wage. Because of his past addiction and his current addiction, we have tons of debt, and no savings to speak of. Our child is 16.
Because I now know that his health problems are a direct result of his alcoholism, I know that I cannot control this. Has anyone else been in this type of situation where they take the steps to get more life insurance? I feel that there is no way he would be able to pass the physical required. Did you qualifier understand the need for your actions?
Thank you in advance for your ESH.
-- Edited by PosiesandPuppies on Friday 7th of April 2017 03:55:50 AM
My AW was still actively drinking when I started this job, and I was able to purchase life insurance for both of us when I was hired without the physical. Every year at a specific time, I am able to make changes to my insurance plans and benefits. I just add a bit more each year for both of us, and I don't bother to discuss it with her, aside from a "Just so you know..." I know I am very lucky to have that option for life insurance - she tried to purchase life insurance herself when she started recovery and found a job, but she wasn't able to purchase it because she had been in treatment for addiction issues. (And there is irony for you. Don't get help for addiction issues, you can buy life insurance. Go to treatment, you don't qualify to purchase life insurance.) I am sure there are other options for her to get her own policy, but it isn't urgent because I have coverage through my employer for us both.
One other thing I did when I started my current job is to set up direct deposit and split accounts to where the money goes. I set aside a small amount in a different account, and from that account, started to pay down my debt. I decided not to tell my actively drinking wife at that point, because I tried to set up a similar plan with her first through our joint account, and she absolutely would not agree that we needed to do anything about the debt, because we needed all the money to "live on" (code for: buy alcohol) I started with the smallest debt amounts first so I would feel accomplished. Now, three years later, I've paid off all the bad debt that was solely in my name, and have one more item that is joint with her that I am making progress on. The debt that is in her name I let be her problem. She was UPSET about the other account and me paying down debt when she found out, but by then, I was already less stressed because I had fewer creditors calling, and had found Alanon so I correctly identified that I had put a boundary in place, and that it was ok to ignore the temper tantrum and stick with my boundary.
Keep taking care yourself. Listen to the small voice within and trust HP. You are not alone
Hi Posie,
My A ex-bf was diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver three months ago. He is only 48 years old, and he looks a lot older too. He got very sick and had to be admitted into the hospital for 10 days, and he has not been drinking since then. Prior to that he was going to the emergency room every month it seemed like. I would prepare yourself for all of the expenses associated with the disease. Luckily, my ex-bf has low to no deductibles for short hospital stays because he was already disabled and has medicare and medicaid. He is taking around eight different medications and the co-pay for those is very low too. It is important to have some insight.
-- Edited by shrnp on Friday 7th of April 2017 03:10:06 PM
-- Edited by shrnp on Friday 7th of April 2017 07:55:36 PM