Logged on to social media today and clicked through to an friend's engagement video...and felt so defeated and loveless and unloveable. Because there's part of me that can state unequivocally that I don't have that kind of relationship. Mine isn't founded in joyful moments anymore. Mine's got a foundation of challenges and hurts and breaks.
And then I heard my own self-talk, so harmful, so cruel. This voice that says you don't get that...that's not for you. No one sees you that way...no one ever will. HE never will. And you don't deserve it anyway. Plus, why would you need it. You've got enough. You've got what you are worth.
I stopped myself and came here instead. To write it out and force it out and put words down instead of letting them grow bigger and meaner in my head.
Comparison is the thief of joy, indeed.
This process of learning to be kind to myself feels so impossible. I haven't lived any kind of a life where the people who "should have" been kind and protective and loving were... So it feels like I have no example of what that looks like.
But right now, I can remind myself of the kind of mom I taught myself to be and the kind of relationship I have with my child. I know how to love and protect and support...so I CAN learn how to do that for myself!
hotrod said
Apr 6, 2017
You faced your "Little heartbreaks" with courage and by validating yourself and your assets in a very healthy manner. Good Job.
I agree when i " comparrison " usually leads me to despair so that usingi have chosen to implement the alanon tool of "compare and identify" so I I can grow.I can work a 4th through 10th Step on my relationships and develop healthy interactions going forward,
Keep coming back, program works when we work it .
Iamhere said
Apr 6, 2017
Sending you tons of positive thoughts and some prayers....What you experienced is one reason I am cautious about social media....I've gotten more 'real' with it as time passes and I work this program, but for a long while I avoided going to it because it always brought me down. I struggled with comparing my insides to others outsides. My sponsor was the one who suggested that all people, even on social media, only show what they want you to see - we do not know their insides!
Great job doing program work for you!!!
milkwood said
Apr 6, 2017
I love the way you processed those negative feelings and turned them around - great work!
ForwardMotion said
Apr 7, 2017
Thank you everyone for the encouragement. I quite surprised myself in this situation, as I know full well that I usually give in to those negative thoughts.
Taking a moment to hear them...sit with them...and then reject them is going to be one of the hardest habits to adapt, but I want to pursue wholeness for myself.
Marie71 said
Apr 7, 2017
FM- I don't have any ESh to share with you, but know I struggle with loving and caring for myself too. I never really had that modeled to me either, so it is a learning process for me too.
ForwardMotion said
Apr 7, 2017
Marie71: thank you for sharing that because it helps to strip the "singularity" off of my experience.
I do find that when I "mother" myself as I do for my child, I'm able to care for and about myself. A big recognition moment for me was that I never had parents to learn that from...I had keepers, criticizers, controllers, etc... But never a "Mom" or "Dad".
Logged on to social media today and clicked through to an friend's engagement video...and felt so defeated and loveless and unloveable. Because there's part of me that can state unequivocally that I don't have that kind of relationship. Mine isn't founded in joyful moments anymore. Mine's got a foundation of challenges and hurts and breaks.
And then I heard my own self-talk, so harmful, so cruel. This voice that says you don't get that...that's not for you. No one sees you that way...no one ever will. HE never will. And you don't deserve it anyway. Plus, why would you need it. You've got enough. You've got what you are worth.
I stopped myself and came here instead. To write it out and force it out and put words down instead of letting them grow bigger and meaner in my head.
Comparison is the thief of joy, indeed.
This process of learning to be kind to myself feels so impossible. I haven't lived any kind of a life where the people who "should have" been kind and protective and loving were... So it feels like I have no example of what that looks like.
But right now, I can remind myself of the kind of mom I taught myself to be and the kind of relationship I have with my child. I know how to love and protect and support...so I CAN learn how to do that for myself!
I agree when i " comparrison " usually leads me to despair so that usingi have chosen to implement the alanon tool of "compare and identify" so I I can grow.I can work a 4th through 10th Step on my relationships and develop healthy interactions going forward,
Keep coming back, program works when we work it .
Great job doing program work for you!!!
Taking a moment to hear them...sit with them...and then reject them is going to be one of the hardest habits to adapt, but I want to pursue wholeness for myself.
I do find that when I "mother" myself as I do for my child, I'm able to care for and about myself. A big recognition moment for me was that I never had parents to learn that from...I had keepers, criticizers, controllers, etc... But never a "Mom" or "Dad".