When you know the person behind the disease, I am finding it is making my choices very difficult. Maybe it is also not allowing me to grow within my program.
Knowing I intelligence, the love this person has had for things that were important to them, he respect and gratitude shown for his employer the list goes on.
Then I meet this disease. It is slowly taking everything away. I'm learning the 3Cs. Today is a day of repeating it over and over.
My knowing this person beyond the disease, I'm findind I am fighting within myself to fight for him. Because he can't fight for himself. (I know I will be "corrected" on this thought.)
My gut is telling me to do something, my head is telling not to because of the 3Cs....my heart is also telling me to.....I want to sit down and talk with his boss. My A has so much respect for this man....maybe even too much. Not to have his boss call him out or as an intervention....as reassurance that if or when he decides on treatment his boss will support that decision. I know my A, he is far more worried about letting him down then his own family. Sounds twisted...it is, but I get it at the same time.
I thought typing out loud would help me think....not there yet on this one.
SerenityRUS said
Mar 23, 2017
I think you need to tell the committee in your head to sit down and shut up .. LOL .. that's to much to think about all at the same time and you can only eat an elephant one step at a time.
Yes .. he is a person under the disease .. right now he is covered in a mesh netting and can't escape out of that netting (the addiction). He is showing you who the disease has made him to be at the moment. I'm not saying it's forever .. he's going to be different when he chooses to find recovery and yes I say chooses because when someone gets sick and tired of being sick and tired they will eventually do something different.
You really need to believe him and let him do him and you do you. My XAH was when I left, a lair, cheat, thief and a drunk .. the person he was (I think still is based upon my experiences with him over the last 5 years) .. was not there anymore ... MY fantasy of who I wanted him to be was alive and well. My XAH still to this day has the choice to be someone different if he's willing to do the work .. the reality is .. he's continuing to get what he's getting because he's doing the same thing. So until something changes .. nothing changes and he's caught in the mesh netting and I can't have a logical conversation with someone who is always in escape mode. LMAO .. I still can't have a any discussion because his wife won't allow it .. LOL!
You finding recovery could be the best thing for you both because you are hands off of what he is or isn't doing and you can't find recovery for him. You can find recovery for you and find that way to be happy regardless if the alcoholic is drinking or not .. I couldn't get there because of the water under the bridge. I'm still working on forgiveness .. it's not an easy concept for me.
Hugs S :)
-- Edited by SerenityRUS on Thursday 23rd of March 2017 10:45:25 AM
Iamhere said
Mar 23, 2017
Oh boy.....I can relate to the committee in my head as well as the disconnect between what my heart thinks and what my head thinks. I used to lean heavily on ... "When in doubt, Don't." That kept me from jumping into the middle of a crisis that was not mine. I had to accept over and over and over again that I was powerless and should not EVER put forward more effort than the diseased loved one in my life. This was the easiest way for me to determine if I was being supportive or if I was enabling - comparing commitment and effort to the cause.
(((Hugs))) - pray about it, write about it and talk about it - often for me these actions help me determine if I should/should not take any action.
Curlyblu said
Mar 23, 2017
Thanks all! Yes I so need a new committee! My typing out loud and all your shares helped a lot.
I took time, I didn't rush into action with the thoughts that committee discussed. If I am to take action, I will be told, given the signs. Today I paused. It turned out to be a pretty good day
I think you need to tell the committee in your head to sit down and shut up .. LOL .. that's to much to think about all at the same time and you can only eat an elephant one step at a time.
Yes .. he is a person under the disease .. right now he is covered in a mesh netting and can't escape out of that netting (the addiction). He is showing you who the disease has made him to be at the moment. I'm not saying it's forever .. he's going to be different when he chooses to find recovery and yes I say chooses because when someone gets sick and tired of being sick and tired they will eventually do something different.
You really need to believe him and let him do him and you do you. My XAH was when I left, a lair, cheat, thief and a drunk .. the person he was (I think still is based upon my experiences with him over the last 5 years) .. was not there anymore ... MY fantasy of who I wanted him to be was alive and well. My XAH still to this day has the choice to be someone different if he's willing to do the work .. the reality is .. he's continuing to get what he's getting because he's doing the same thing. So until something changes .. nothing changes and he's caught in the mesh netting and I can't have a logical conversation with someone who is always in escape mode. LMAO .. I still can't have a any discussion because his wife won't allow it .. LOL!
You finding recovery could be the best thing for you both because you are hands off of what he is or isn't doing and you can't find recovery for him. You can find recovery for you and find that way to be happy regardless if the alcoholic is drinking or not .. I couldn't get there because of the water under the bridge. I'm still working on forgiveness .. it's not an easy concept for me.
Hugs S :)
-- Edited by SerenityRUS on Thursday 23rd of March 2017 10:45:25 AM
(((Hugs))) - pray about it, write about it and talk about it - often for me these actions help me determine if I should/should not take any action.