Greetings. Not really sure where to start. Husband of 19 years is an alcoholic. Hides it well, most of our friends don't have a clue....at least I don't think they do. Things have worsened as of late. We have 2 kids. I'm so tired of being "on guard" all the time and getting that sick-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach feeling when he is late, stops answering his phone or I hear "it" in his voice when I call home. My kids are becoming aware. my oldest definitely knows dad drinks too much. My youngest is learning. Tonight my youngest asked my husband if he was OK to drive when they got into the car to drive home this evening from an event they were at together. He saw his dad drink a beer there. Hearing my youngest - the baby, the last one to have been spared the agony of dealing with this disease - tell me he asked his dad this was enough to take my breath away. I don't know why. This is my first interaction with alanon. H has not ever gone to a meeting. So much has happened over so many years. I used to be able to deal with it myself. I don't think I can anymore. Thought about going to a meeting but we live in a smallish town. Where do I start. The anxiety, sadness and lack of trust is starting to wear me down.
shrnp said
Mar 18, 2017
Hello Laketime,
Welcome to Miracles in Progress. You have just made a good first step reaching out here. Alcoholism is a family disease that effects many people like yourself. If you look on the internet you can find a face to face meeting close to where your live. This is an Alanon forum that I have found to be very helpful. We have a chat room and have online meetings too, if you would be interested in that. In Alanon other people are going through the same thing as you are. Praying for peace and learning how to take care of ourselves so we can be there for the people who really need us like our children. Glad you found us, and I hope things get better.
Thank you...hadn't thought about the online weekly meetings. That might be a good place to start.
Rickbrins said
Mar 18, 2017
Laketime,
Welcome, this is a great start. There are many good people here and you are bound to hear someone telling their story and you think they are reading it from your book. We all have many of the same experiences. Not everyone's methods will be a good fit for you, but you will nearly always find someone who says what you need to hear.
I highly recommend Face 2 face meetings as well. The first one is always the hardest to go to, but once you do, you will want to go back. It really is liberating to hear that you are not the only one experiencing these things.
Please come here often, we are here for each other!
hotrod said
Mar 18, 2017
Welcome Laketime ,Please do search out meetings and attend.
Alcoholism is a dreadful, progressive chronic disease over which we are powerless and for which there is no cure. This disease affects the entire family, so that everyone requires a program of recovery. There are alateeen meetings for teens as well and since it is important for everyone in the family to attend, and develop new constructive tools to live while they receive the support for like minded members Keep coming back heres as well., you will find you are not alone.
Stan1 said
Mar 18, 2017
Welcome Laketime, coming here you will find that you are not alone. Here we share our experience, hope and strength in coping with the disease of alcoholism. Step one tells us " I am powerless over alcohol and it's effects on another person. I cannot make him sober, no more than I can be responsible for his drinking. The First Step tells me this, and it tells me too that I must acknowledge that my life has become unmanageable. My first step is to manage my own life, whether or not the alcoholic is still drinking". (ODAT ) Please keep coming back.
kaotob said
Mar 18, 2017
Welcome, you have already made a great start! In addition to what others have said, I would like to add that going to a face-to-face meeting, even in a small town could be a good idea. Anonymity is a very important tradition in the program. In addition to that, the other people who will be at the meeting will be there for the same reason. You will learn about the disease of alcoholism, and that will help you help your children. Good luck.
hugs,
Kelly
Iamhere said
Mar 18, 2017
Welcome laketime to MIP - glad you found us and glad that you joined right in. As alcoholism is a progressive disease and a family disease, it does reach out beyond the drinker and affect most who love them or live with them. I am sorry for the affect it's having on you and your children - I can relate.
I felt broken, anxious and defeated when I arrived at Al-Anon. I felt like a failure as I couldn't fix it nor could I protect my children from it. It had control over my home, my family and myself and it was tiring/exhausting.
One of the first things I heard in Al-Anon was the three C(s) - I didn't cause it. I can't control it. I can't cure it. There is really no cure for the disease but there is treatment in the form of abstinence and recovery. Many get recovery - many more don't. We can recover even if they do not and Al-Anon gave me back my self-worth and my joy.
I understand the fear of going to meetings, esp. in a small town. One of many reasons recovery works is the anonymity factor. We say at every meeting, "Who you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here." You also can choose to speak or just listen and you have no reason to tell anyone why you are attending - the only requirement for membership is the concern of drinking in a relative or friend. I've seen brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, friends, cousins, etc. - nobody will ask you to disclose this and if they do, you can walk away easily enough.
I found lovely, local support at meetings and now consider some close friends. We do more than recovery together and it's been a great add to my life. Online meetings are also a great tool - did that often when I needed more than what I could get to locally. Lastly, keep coming back here - we're a family and you've just joined!
There is hope and help in recovery - glad you are here!
Rickbrins said
Mar 19, 2017
Yesterday I was at a class for families of those in a rehab facility, the class is Al-anon based, but not Al-anon. They could all use the lessons learned here. I told them that I went to my first al-anon meeting to learn how to help my lived one, but I now keep going to learn how to help me. This is about us and will make us better over time. You have found us, now find a meeting and keep growing for you.
Greetings. Not really sure where to start. Husband of 19 years is an alcoholic. Hides it well, most of our friends don't have a clue....at least I don't think they do. Things have worsened as of late. We have 2 kids. I'm so tired of being "on guard" all the time and getting that sick-in-the-pit-of-your-stomach feeling when he is late, stops answering his phone or I hear "it" in his voice when I call home. My kids are becoming aware. my oldest definitely knows dad drinks too much. My youngest is learning. Tonight my youngest asked my husband if he was OK to drive when they got into the car to drive home this evening from an event they were at together. He saw his dad drink a beer there. Hearing my youngest - the baby, the last one to have been spared the agony of dealing with this disease - tell me he asked his dad this was enough to take my breath away. I don't know why. This is my first interaction with alanon. H has not ever gone to a meeting. So much has happened over so many years. I used to be able to deal with it myself. I don't think I can anymore. Thought about going to a meeting but we live in a smallish town. Where do I start. The anxiety, sadness and lack of trust is starting to wear me down.
Welcome to Miracles in Progress. You have just made a good first step reaching out here. Alcoholism is a family disease that effects many people like yourself. If you look on the internet you can find a face to face meeting close to where your live. This is an Alanon forum that I have found to be very helpful. We have a chat room and have online meetings too, if you would be interested in that. In Alanon other people are going through the same thing as you are. Praying for peace and learning how to take care of ourselves so we can be there for the people who really need us like our children. Glad you found us, and I hope things get better.
www.12stepforums.net/schedule.html.
Thank you...hadn't thought about the online weekly meetings. That might be a good place to start.
Welcome, this is a great start. There are many good people here and you are bound to hear someone telling their story and you think they are reading it from your book. We all have many of the same experiences. Not everyone's methods will be a good fit for you, but you will nearly always find someone who says what you need to hear.
I highly recommend Face 2 face meetings as well. The first one is always the hardest to go to, but once you do, you will want to go back. It really is liberating to hear that you are not the only one experiencing these things.
Please come here often, we are here for each other!
Welcome Laketime ,Please do search out meetings and attend.
Alcoholism is a dreadful, progressive chronic disease over which we are powerless and for which there is no cure. This disease affects the entire family, so that everyone requires a program of recovery. There are alateeen meetings for teens as well and since it is important for everyone in the family to attend, and develop new constructive tools to live while they receive the support for like minded members
Keep coming back heres as well., you will find you are not alone.
hugs,
Kelly
I felt broken, anxious and defeated when I arrived at Al-Anon. I felt like a failure as I couldn't fix it nor could I protect my children from it. It had control over my home, my family and myself and it was tiring/exhausting.
One of the first things I heard in Al-Anon was the three C(s) - I didn't cause it. I can't control it. I can't cure it. There is really no cure for the disease but there is treatment in the form of abstinence and recovery. Many get recovery - many more don't. We can recover even if they do not and Al-Anon gave me back my self-worth and my joy.
I understand the fear of going to meetings, esp. in a small town. One of many reasons recovery works is the anonymity factor. We say at every meeting, "Who you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here." You also can choose to speak or just listen and you have no reason to tell anyone why you are attending - the only requirement for membership is the concern of drinking in a relative or friend. I've seen brothers, sisters, daughters, sons, friends, cousins, etc. - nobody will ask you to disclose this and if they do, you can walk away easily enough.
I found lovely, local support at meetings and now consider some close friends. We do more than recovery together and it's been a great add to my life. Online meetings are also a great tool - did that often when I needed more than what I could get to locally. Lastly, keep coming back here - we're a family and you've just joined!
There is hope and help in recovery - glad you are here!