I have to laugh at myself I am finally feeling back to normal which I don't know good thing or not .. lol.  It means I'm a whole lot more ornerier which sometimes is good and not so good in moments where my inappropriate humor comes flying through .. if I didn't have my horribly warped humor I wouldn't have much of anything at all.  You can laugh or you can cry the reality is I would rather laugh. 

Last week I was really not feeling it, between a lot of different stresses plus not feeling well which is never a party to say the least as a single parent.  I was standing at my Starbucks and as they know me well I realized I hadn't eaten anything for a while and needed something to get me through the morning .. this isn't a treat I do often however often enough they know food is not a consistent order for me. 

This poor woman came in and went to grab my coffee I had set down while I was waiting and I looked at her very calmly with my sick sexy voice as my co-workers now like to refer to it and said to her .. today is not the day to grab my coffee .. lol .. today I will fight over a cup of coffee.  Thankfully the local baristas know me well enough to know my very dry sense of humor and started laughing the poor lady was horrified and I laughed and said I am only kidding .. partially because I really need that caffeine to get through the day.  It was probably the look I had on my face of kidding so not kidding .. LOL. 

So today I'm at work and I wish I wasn't only because there are other things I would rather be doing .. such as sticking needles in my eye .. I am grateful to have a job where I can even have those thoughts of yah .. no .. I'm good .. LOL.  I actually got a raise this week which is something that isn't a lot we are talking 1% possibly .. you know here's the deal .. this is the first raise I have received in a LONG time.  As in YEARS, so that felt pretty good too.  I know I have another one coming next year and not many people can say that. 

I thought I would get to have lunch with the kids I may do that tomorrow we will see.  It would be a drive home .. you know they really aren't out of school that much and it would be fun to see them and see what was up.  My BF is going through some stuff and I'm fairly proud of myself for staying out of the middle of it.  I think about how my XAH can't deal with daily responsibilities so he has to have his wife take care of everything which shows me how sick their relationship is .. I'm very proud of the fact my man asks for my opinion and then takes care of business.  We were having that conversation the other day .. I trust him to do what is necessary so it doesn't cause me collateral damage.  That's a big step for me.  That means dealing with his X, his kids, and just dealing with his life in general without an open invite to doing it for him.  I have had a couple of moments of wanting to do that I realize how much damage I have done over the years by doing this.  I am learning so much lately which is a good thing.     

Currently I am listening to a co-worker sing and all I can think is seriously .. LOL .. at least she's not off tune.  I do think it's our young one .. LOL.  At the same time I wonder if she is aware her voice travels down the hallway .. LOL.  I was listening to another girlfriend of mine last night and thought to myself I am so grateful there is no drama at all going on in the office .. we have a great group of ladies and this is the first time I have worked in a really great environment .. that's not to say there is not drama around us .. as far our department .. there is none.  We have discovered a way to laugh at ourselves and get our work done.  Her singing makes me smile though and laugh at some of the young one missteps I have made over the years.  It is shocking to realize I am no longer the baby of the office.  I really have a great boss too .. this is a good thing.  LOL!

I did finally respond back to my X's wife .. I'm sure she will not appreciate my response however seriously .. I am not interested in if my X has hurt his back .. I am interested in consistent payments to the outstanding amounts that are owed to me.  Including and not limited to things for the boy this summer and making sure I get my girl situated in to her college of choice.  What I could have said was far more damaging and far less nice .. such as I hope he's in as much pain as he deserves being one that was on my fingers itching about .. the other was not my problem sorry for you .. you might want to be aware of his addiction to pain medication .. she'll figure that one out on her own.  So I will do a mind my own business and let her try to control what is going on there.  Good luck with that .. lol. 

Anyway, not feeling well can really make life harder to deal with than necessary.  I am glad to be in a place where I can meet my own needs without needing someone else to do so. 

Hugs S :)