Along with living with an AH for 20 yrs, he was also abusive mentally and emotionally. I find that the stupidest things trigger me. Today, the woman I live with said she was going to meet her husband for lunch and then go to the store. I wasn't mad or anything, but I could feel my anxiety going up and started shaking. This has been going on since I moved in here, and I don't have a clue why I respond this way. It is so frustrating....
Freetime said
Mar 10, 2017
Marie, I have experienced the same. I reacted strongly to harmless things -- even smells. One time, I was in a yoga class, and the instructor suggested, "How about if we all turn our mats in a different direction today?" And out of my mouth came "NO." This was completely unlike me ... I was normally the most compliant person you could imagine. But at that time, I could not tolerate even this tiny change in routine.
I came to understand it was due to the trauma of having lived in the situation I was living in. My alcoholic didn't even have to be in the room or the building when these things triggered me. But my brain had been affected. I went to therapy, which helped, and to Alanon, which also helped. It was not a quick fix, but over time I no longer am bothered by these triggers.
Marie71 said
Mar 10, 2017
Thanks Freetime. I try not to get angry with myself about these triggers, but I do.
shrnp said
Mar 10, 2017
Moving can be so hard because we are changing the things that made us secure. Even if it is a bad thing we moved away from. Be patient with yourself and give yourself a pat on the back sometimes.
Marie71 said
Mar 11, 2017
Thank you Shrnp.
SerenityRUS said
Mar 11, 2017
PTSD is alive and well in all its forms. I did trauma therapy because of past present stuff. I find that acknowledging that yes I feel the way I do and that's ok .. Having a safe space to go to in my mind .. It's a moment not my entire life. It really is a feeling not a fact .. keeps me grounded I those moments of meltdown. They used to happen often .. You would have thought I was a war veteran based upon my responses to things. I never could sit with my back open I always had to face out and know where all my exists were .. There are specific smells that used to send my into anxiety attacks at the time I didn't even know that's what it was. I really encourage you to be gentle with yourself. This is a very psychology damaging disease to the people around it. The actual A's .. I can't imagine and it doesn't excuse the behavior on their part. After surviving the abuse for 20 years it's time to live .. That's the journey Of healing. Big hugs. :) it does get better ..
Marie71 said
Mar 11, 2017
Thank you Serenity. I never sit with my back to the door. Even the cats fighting with each other will sometimes make me jump. I haven't mentioned it previously, don't really know why, but I am also an ACOA, both parents, so there was a lot of screaming and yelling and carrying on while I was growing up. I'm batting 1000 here when it comes to alcoholism.
Along with living with an AH for 20 yrs, he was also abusive mentally and emotionally. I find that the stupidest things trigger me. Today, the woman I live with said she was going to meet her husband for lunch and then go to the store. I wasn't mad or anything, but I could feel my anxiety going up and started shaking. This has been going on since I moved in here, and I don't have a clue why I respond this way. It is so frustrating....
Marie, I have experienced the same. I reacted strongly to harmless things -- even smells. One time, I was in a yoga class, and the instructor suggested, "How about if we all turn our mats in a different direction today?" And out of my mouth came "NO." This was completely unlike me ... I was normally the most compliant person you could imagine. But at that time, I could not tolerate even this tiny change in routine.
I came to understand it was due to the trauma of having lived in the situation I was living in. My alcoholic didn't even have to be in the room or the building when these things triggered me. But my brain had been affected. I went to therapy, which helped, and to Alanon, which also helped. It was not a quick fix, but over time I no longer am bothered by these triggers.