NEW MEMBER POSTED ON A TOPIC REGARDING READING HER HUSBAND'S INVENTORY
hotrod said
Mar 9, 2017
I read my husband's inventory book a few days ago. I don't trust my husband because I know he has cheated on me in the past, but he has always tried to deny it. So occasionally I snoop through his stuff. I know I shouldn't have and wish now that I hadn't. Ignorance is bliss! So, I went looking through one of his bags and found an old note book. I didn't even really know what it was at first, but inside it, he had a list of people whom he had wronged, and across from their names, he listed in what way he did them wrong. I already new he cheated on me, stole from me, lied to me, assaulted me, and stuff so nothing new was written next to my name.
But what I read on the next page has me still very badly hurting and experiencing a lot of guilt. The children are both under age boys, or were under age the last time they were in my home.
They were both preteens or a teenager when the incidences occurred. So basically, my husband had molested two boys. He didn't have anything written about my two sons, except that he stole their video games and money from them, which I already knew because he had been caught. I asked my youngest son if he was ever touched inappropriately and he said no. I told him it was important to let me know so we can make sure he doesn't do it again to anybody else. He still denied it ever happening to him. When I confronted my husband about this, he said it was unfinished, and that part was not even true. But I keep asking myself, what idiot in their right mind, or even not in their right mind, would write something down that could possibly result in him going to prison if he didn't do it, why would anyone who didn't molest a child ever write that they did? I just got a sponsor, and don't feel comfortable telling her this yet. I can tell you that when I am working the steps, my inventory book will never say anything about me touching a child inappropriately, BECAUSE I NEVER DID IT! I just don't know what to do, I am so hopelessly in love with this man that I just want to die. When we break up because of his alcoholism, I miss him very much and wish he would come home and I am very sad. My biggest fear is that if I try to report it, he will deny it, the boys will deny it, and he gets off free, but leaves me because I tried to turned him in, and he leaves and is happy with someone else, while I am sad and alone and have no one, and he gets to molest more children. He says he didn't do it, but I don't believe him. What do I do? Who do i turn to? I am afraid to tell anyone I know because they will judge me if I don't leave him and demand that I turn him in and if I am not ready to do that yet, they will think I am a bad person. I took a picture of his inventory book.
I attempted to edit this posting and was unsuccessful. I have already checked and this is not the poster's real name. As for removing the posting, I do not think that the original poster has broken any" Board rules". I do believe many have read information that was confidential and could have been confronted by a similar issue.
As to the responses, this is a great example of why we have no cross talk at meetings. I urge Rebecca to pray on the subject, listen to her inner voice, and take what she likes and leave the rest. I wanted to remove or edit posts that attempted to give non- program advice and have removed the names of the boys involved.
When my hubby passed, I found his 4th Step inventory book and was tempted to read it but had enough program to stop, reason it out and know that the information was confidential and I had enough problems on my own so that I did not need to add to them . I burned it.
I believe that the new poster will never be ale to "Unsee" the information that she uncovered so that it is important for her to process the event, own her part in it and then make a informed choice.
Positive thoughts and prayers on the way
Iamhere said
Mar 9, 2017
Thank you Betty - I too am sending positive thoughts and prayers!
DavidG said
Mar 9, 2017
Bethany66 said
Mar 9, 2017
This reminds me again of what a gentle program this is. You are not going to get bashed upside the head for anything by anyone. That allows us to feel safe as we journey through our recovery.
KennyFenderjazz said
Mar 10, 2017
Thanks Betty, agree with all of the above posters, including
hotrod said
Mar 10, 2017
Thanks everyone. Love this MIP family
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Jerry F said
Mar 10, 2017
Sister program is Worked Here and for that I am both grateful and responsible. ((((hugs))))
tiredtonite said
Mar 11, 2017
Thanks for your efforts to keep this a safe environment for those seeking recovery and in recovery. TT
I read my husband's inventory book a few days ago. I don't trust my husband because I know he has cheated on me in the past, but he has always tried to deny it. So occasionally I snoop through his stuff. I know I shouldn't have and wish now that I hadn't. Ignorance is bliss! So, I went looking through one of his bags and found an old note book. I didn't even really know what it was at first, but inside it, he had a list of people whom he had wronged, and across from their names, he listed in what way he did them wrong. I already new he cheated on me, stole from me, lied to me, assaulted me, and stuff so nothing new was written next to my name.
But what I read on the next page has me still very badly hurting and experiencing a lot of guilt. The children are both under age boys, or were under age the last time they were in my home.
They were both preteens or a teenager when the incidences occurred. So basically, my husband had molested two boys. He didn't have anything written about my two sons, except that he stole their video games and money from them, which I already knew because he had been caught. I asked my youngest son if he was ever touched inappropriately and he said no. I told him it was important to let me know so we can make sure he doesn't do it again to anybody else. He still denied it ever happening to him. When I confronted my husband about this, he said it was unfinished, and that part was not even true. But I keep asking myself, what idiot in their right mind, or even not in their right mind, would write something down that could possibly result in him going to prison if he didn't do it, why would anyone who didn't molest a child ever write that they did? I just got a sponsor, and don't feel comfortable telling her this yet. I can tell you that when I am working the steps, my inventory book will never say anything about me touching a child inappropriately, BECAUSE I NEVER DID IT! I just don't know what to do, I am so hopelessly in love with this man that I just want to die. When we break up because of his alcoholism, I miss him very much and wish he would come home and I am very sad. My biggest fear is that if I try to report it, he will deny it, the boys will deny it, and he gets off free, but leaves me because I tried to turned him in, and he leaves and is happy with someone else, while I am sad and alone and have no one, and he gets to molest more children. He says he didn't do it, but I don't believe him. What do I do? Who do i turn to? I am afraid to tell anyone I know because they will judge me if I don't leave him and demand that I turn him in and if I am not ready to do that yet, they will think I am a bad person. I took a picture of his inventory book.
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 9th of March 2017 08:36:33 AM
I attempted to edit this posting and was unsuccessful. I have already checked and this is not the poster's real name. As for removing the posting, I do not think that the original poster has broken any" Board rules". I do believe many have read information that was confidential and could have been confronted by a similar issue.
As to the responses, this is a great example of why we have no cross talk at meetings. I urge Rebecca to pray on the subject, listen to her inner voice, and take what she likes and leave the rest. I wanted to remove or edit posts that attempted to give non- program advice and have removed the names of the boys involved.
When my hubby passed, I found his 4th Step inventory book and was tempted to read it but had enough program to stop, reason it out and know that the information was confidential and I had enough problems on my own so that I did not need to add to them . I burned it.
I believe that the new poster will never be ale to "Unsee" the information that she uncovered so that it is important for her to process the event, own her part in it and then make a informed choice.
Positive thoughts and prayers on the way
Thanks Betty, agree with all of the above posters, including
Thanks everyone. Love this MIP family
-
Sister program is Worked Here and for that I am both grateful and responsible. ((((hugs))))
Thanks for your efforts to keep this a safe environment for those seeking recovery and in recovery. TT