there is a huge difference and it is very important in regards to my enabling. My experiences are that I very often wanted a "sober" spouse and the reality was that I didn't know what sober was. I accepted it often as others did..."she was just not drinking and using" and I was getting it wrong. When she wasn't drinking and using I stepped up the nice treatment at her to reward her and the disease was laughing at us both. The disease was telling me "I have left and never coming back" ...Wrong!! I find out after more much more learning that alcoholism isn't curable and that if she would stop for a while the disease would demand that she do "catch up" for all of the drinks and uses she put aside. This is at times explained as a relapse and when she resumed drinking and using matters got worse...much worse!!
With my alcoholic/addict after a period of time not drinking and using the disease would tell her "you now can just have one or a little or some...you can handle it" which of course was trickery. She would forget her condition just before she stopped for the period which might have been close to death which I experienced myself in toxic shock. Just a wee part of this is like the merry-go-round syndrome and the "damned if you do damned if you don't" period. She might have been dry, without alcohol in her physical system and then this disease is a disease of the mind....body....spirit....and emotions. She only got sober when she was free of it on all 4 levels at all times and being sober presented us with an entirely different human being...a miracle.
Thank you HP for the constant lessons and company with the fellowship during my recovery. ((((hugs))))
a4l said
Feb 25, 2017
Yes. Im so grateful to realise this on a soul and emotional level. It really aides the compassion also. Living sober. I was kind of there, trying but also not vigilant, in my late 20s. Now im 35 (yay me, I'm still standing! Even smiling for real sometimes!) and the broader picture aided with hindsight has cleared. Looking back I see a soul not knowing how to be, simply. Thinking being was a state of concentrated effort. Overthinking. Then picking up either an alcoholic to fix or alcohol to let go. For me, alcohol was a quick ticket to adventure. Even though years can go by with me dry, once i start, it gets worse. I am a mess. A chaotic whirlwind. And years of shame endure. what an awful way to live. On this side of the fence, i have to watch out for wanting a companion to walk with me, keep working a step three on both sides, not try desperately to enforce my learnings. Its getting a whole lot easier. Thanks for the post JerryF.
Jerry F said
Feb 25, 2017
Sis you have the deep understanding which is great for sponsoring others. Wow and grateful because it reminds me of my former sponsor which HP lent me until his death 5 years ago. He had the deep understanding also and the willingness to walk with me in this journey even when the most understanding comment I could make was..."I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!" The man was patience and dedication. ((((hugs))))
a4l said
Feb 25, 2017
Thankyou for the beautiful compliment. One day, in HPs time, when my own recovery is both within and without, I will. Today, im still a baby. But no longer King Baby hah!
Iamhere said
Feb 26, 2017
Thanks for your shares family.....I am still at a point of hoping for sobriety for my qualifiers. And, what I've come to realize is that's ok! My HP knows I love them, they know I love them and yet I have been able to stay on my side of the street more often with recovery than before. I am grateful that my sponsor suggested I look for a miracle each day and to focus on what is good. My simple list has gone from, "There was one one dramafest today" to "I saw a genuine smile today." - Very simple, small things that show me that hope for a better day works and hope is always alive - so long as I don't expect anything with my hope.
Great meeting this morning - focusing on what's changed since starting recovery. Since I believe god speaks through others in meetings, it was a great way to realize that much has changed and I'm grateful even if it is slow, steady change.
there is a huge difference and it is very important in regards to my enabling. My experiences are that I very often wanted a "sober" spouse and the reality was that I didn't know what sober was. I accepted it often as others did..."she was just not drinking and using" and I was getting it wrong. When she wasn't drinking and using I stepped up the nice treatment at her to reward her and the disease was laughing at us both. The disease was telling me "I have left and never coming back" ...Wrong!! I find out after more much more learning that alcoholism isn't curable and that if she would stop for a while the disease would demand that she do "catch up" for all of the drinks and uses she put aside. This is at times explained as a relapse and when she resumed drinking and using matters got worse...much worse!!
With my alcoholic/addict after a period of time not drinking and using the disease would tell her "you now can just have one or a little or some...you can handle it" which of course was trickery. She would forget her condition just before she stopped for the period which might have been close to death which I experienced myself in toxic shock. Just a wee part of this is like the merry-go-round syndrome and the "damned if you do damned if you don't" period. She might have been dry, without alcohol in her physical system and then this disease is a disease of the mind....body....spirit....and emotions. She only got sober when she was free of it on all 4 levels at all times and being sober presented us with an entirely different human being...a miracle.
Thank you HP for the constant lessons and company with the fellowship during my recovery. ((((hugs))))
Sis you have the deep understanding which is great for sponsoring others. Wow and grateful because it reminds me of my former sponsor which HP lent me until his death 5 years ago. He had the deep understanding also and the willingness to walk with me in this journey even when the most understanding comment I could make was..."I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!" The man was patience and dedication. ((((hugs))))
Great meeting this morning - focusing on what's changed since starting recovery. Since I believe god speaks through others in meetings, it was a great way to realize that much has changed and I'm grateful even if it is slow, steady change.
Happy Sunday friends!!