I recently I found out that my ex-Abf's liver is failing. I have written before that he was in a nursing home and had to learn how to walk again. At that time everyone in his family and myself were really happy because he had gotten to the hospital in time and nothing had effected his thinking. However, now his stomach is swelling and one doctor asked him about a transplant list so, I do not know how much longer he has. He is only seeing the nursing home doctor and when he gets out he can see a different doctor. I am so confused about his treatment and the ascites. He had to get it drained once and it is swollen again. That is not really the problem though, the problem is that he keeps getting angry with me. I might have to stop talking to him. I think he is blaming me for his illness. He is expecting me to be there for him when I have told him he needs to be with his family and that I cannot help him. I even told him that just because he was sick that didn't give him the right to treat me badly. In fact if he was not sick, he would be drinking right now. He is using the same behavior as before except he is not drunk. I hate to stop talking to him but he is really taking advantage of the situation. I was just trying to be a friend to him.
Iamhere said
Feb 21, 2017
(((shrnp))) - I suggest you lean into recovery and seek to understand more about how the disease is affecting you. There is no shame in wanting to be kind to a sick person nor is there any shame in trying to be of service. What I learned in recovery was when I put myself first, I learn how to be of service to others with no expectation in return. The program might give you the steps/tools you need to figure out why you can't let go of him...
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers. It took me a long while to realize that I can not control, change, fix another person. My words, actions, deeds will not change their journey. I can love someone better at times from across the street, asking for God to show them the way. The program works when we work it - keep coming back!
shrnp said
Feb 21, 2017
Thanks for your reply, Iamhere. I am trying very hard to give this to my higher power. Today was a better day!
Iamhere said
Feb 22, 2017
Yay - good for you and great job! I am glad that you had a better day....we are all about progress - that's where we find our small successes, one moment at a time - one day at a time! Keep doing what you're doing!
jitsuka said
Feb 23, 2017
Hope you're ok shrnp
shrnp said
Feb 24, 2017
Thanks, everyday is a little better. I am sure there will still be plenty of bad days too but I am trying to stay positive. I have been reading the longer version of the serenity prayer. I like that, it is calming and everything makes more sense after I have read it.
-- Edited by shrnp on Friday 24th of February 2017 12:22:29 AM
hotrod said
Feb 24, 2017
((shrnp)) Positive thoughts and prayers on the way
Iamhere said
Feb 24, 2017
shrnp - I too am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way! I no longer have bad days, just bad moments - the program gave me the tools to let go and let God and start my day over at any time...keep doing what you are doing - you're doing great!
I recently I found out that my ex-Abf's liver is failing. I have written before that he was in a nursing home and had to learn how to walk again. At that time everyone in his family and myself were really happy because he had gotten to the hospital in time and nothing had effected his thinking. However, now his stomach is swelling and one doctor asked him about a transplant list so, I do not know how much longer he has. He is only seeing the nursing home doctor and when he gets out he can see a different doctor. I am so confused about his treatment and the ascites. He had to get it drained once and it is swollen again. That is not really the problem though, the problem is that he keeps getting angry with me. I might have to stop talking to him. I think he is blaming me for his illness. He is expecting me to be there for him when I have told him he needs to be with his family and that I cannot help him. I even told him that just because he was sick that didn't give him the right to treat me badly. In fact if he was not sick, he would be drinking right now. He is using the same behavior as before except he is not drunk. I hate to stop talking to him but he is really taking advantage of the situation. I was just trying to be a friend to him.
Sending you positive thoughts and prayers. It took me a long while to realize that I can not control, change, fix another person. My words, actions, deeds will not change their journey. I can love someone better at times from across the street, asking for God to show them the way. The program works when we work it - keep coming back!
Thanks, everyday is a little better. I am sure there will still be plenty of bad days too but I am trying to stay positive. I have been reading the longer version of the serenity prayer. I like that, it is calming and everything makes more sense after I have read it.
-- Edited by shrnp on Friday 24th of February 2017 12:22:29 AM