Husband coming home from rehab soon and I'm new to Al Anon
Michelle26 said
Feb 13, 2017
Hi everyone. I'm a newbie to Al Anon. This is my first dealings with it. My husband is currently in rehab. Just 4 days now. He did make this decision on his own. I honestly don't know exactly how long his program will last for him and nor does he at this time. We've only just spoken yesterday. I found you with help of Google looking up Al Anon meetings in my area. I am going to try and make a meeting, and sorta dip my toe in the water hopefully before "he's let out". Work schedule allowing. Until then, or even after, I can ask you fine people for any advice.
My history: Married 26 years. Husband has not always been as bad as he is now, but yes still an alcoholic. We have 1 son grown and on his own. My husband requested I not tell anyone he is in rehab. While I am grateful, thankful, and relieved he has taken this step for help, I also have feelings of resentment, anger, sadness with long crying spell bouts, etc.... Yep I'm a basket case. Here I think, great your getting help, but what about me. He just added more stress by going in rehab...I know I know. I'm thankful he did, but oh the anger for everything he's done. I would appreciate any literature, advice, all you can give me I will take. An ear for now has been greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Michelle
hotrod said
Feb 13, 2017
Welcome to Miracles in Progress, I'm sorry that you are dealing with the insanity of this disease and am glad that you reached out and shared. Alcoholism is a progressive, chronic threefold disease that can be arrested but never cured.
Al-Anon is a recovery program for family members that helps people to break the isolation caused by living with the disease and holds daily face-to-face meetings in most communities.. The hotline number is found in the white pages.
At these meetings members are encouraged to share their experience strength and hope, and to discuss appropriate tools that they have used to grow and focus on themselves. Al-Anon is a 12 step program that has slogans, sponsorships and meetings in order to break the isolation caused by the disease. There are many different types of meetings and you can simply attend and listen to learn. When you are comfortable enough you can share if you wish. No one will give you advice but they will suggest that you keep coming back. There will be Beginners information packages available as well as other literature Make sure you pick it up.
There is hope and help
It is an anonymous prog
KennyFenderjazz said
Feb 13, 2017
HI Michelle,
Been there done that. Wife went in rehab twice, two DUIs, lots of money on lawyers and medical bills. And I was pissed by the time she was in second rehab. it took a lot of Al Anon meetings and talking with her to come to a point where I didn't just blame all my problems on her. And where I could think about something besides her ruining part of my life.
But with time, I came to understand the disease of alcoholism, and to figure out who owned what, and to forgive. It took a while, and it wasn't easy.
I hope you can get to a meeting, I got to go to a couple meetings before my wife got out of rehab, and just those couple of meetings helped a lot.
And feel free to keep coming back here too!
Kenny
Iamhere said
Feb 13, 2017
Hello Michelle - I too send welcomes to you - glad you found us here @ MIP and glad that you joined right in.....I too understand what you are saying, feeling and concerned with...I can say that Al-Anon helped me help myself process all the damage, feelings, anger, etc. that the disease caused in my life and in most of my relationships. I believe I would have lost my mind and all I care about had I not gotten to Al-Anon as I was angry at everything and everyone and truly lost on how to change up me...
Please get to a few meetings and test drive the program for those who are affected by another's drinking/disease. We work the same steps, but slightly different. There is support, help and hope in recovery - keep coming back!
RL17 said
Feb 13, 2017
Welcome! I was in your place just under 4 weeks ago. Hubby decided he needed to go on a Sunday, and he was flying out on a tuesday with no idea if he would be back in time for a major vacation we had planned.
What you wrote, is exactly what I was feeling. And you will probably feel that way for a while. It took me a good three weeks to pull my head out of the confusion and all the emotions, and start to focus on the future. But, I might not have had to go through that for so long, had I had the courage to go to a meeting sooner.
I just joined this group yesterday after going to my first Al Anon meeting, and they had wonderful answers on my post. I encourage you to get to a meeting soon, and take advantage of the support and information. I wish I hadn't waited all these weeks, but like you, I was asked not to tell anyone. I feared people would see my car there in this small town, and rumors would start flying. Now, I'm looking forward to the meetings, and my husband and I will be attending meetings during our vacation. I'm blessed he is coming home two days before, so we will have two weeks to work on ourselves and our relationship together.
Good luck!!
Jazzie18 said
Feb 14, 2017
Hi Michelle and welcome,
As others have already suggested, I would try and find a face to face meeting. These were so great for me when my husband first admitted he was an A and started seeking help through AA. I too was a complete basket case when I first found Al-Anon and pretty much cried every face to face meeting I went to. At first I was completely mortified that I was showing so much emotion in meetings but believe me the people in these meetings understand what you are going through and have seen many people crying. I also tried to read as much al-anon literature that I could which helped me learn about the disease and how isolating it was. there are also plenty of youtube videos of meetings and there are podcasts that you can listen to with information on a ton of great topics. One that I listened to a lot at the beginning was www.therecoveryshow.com. I used to listen to the pre-recorded podcasts on my way to and from work.
Hang in there, I know this is not an easy time but I think you will find a lot of support on this board and in meetings. Sending you many positive thoughts.
-- Edited by Jazzie18 on Tuesday 14th of February 2017 11:13:53 AM
Hi everyone. I'm a newbie to Al Anon. This is my first dealings with it. My husband is currently in rehab. Just 4 days now. He did make this decision on his own. I honestly don't know exactly how long his program will last for him and nor does he at this time. We've only just spoken yesterday. I found you with help of Google looking up Al Anon meetings in my area. I am going to try and make a meeting, and sorta dip my toe in the water hopefully before "he's let out". Work schedule allowing. Until then, or even after, I can ask you fine people for any advice.
My history: Married 26 years. Husband has not always been as bad as he is now, but yes still an alcoholic. We have 1 son grown and on his own. My husband requested I not tell anyone he is in rehab. While I am grateful, thankful, and relieved he has taken this step for help, I also have feelings of resentment, anger, sadness with long crying spell bouts, etc.... Yep I'm a basket case. Here I think, great your getting help, but what about me. He just added more stress by going in rehab...I know I know. I'm thankful he did, but oh the anger for everything he's done. I would appreciate any literature, advice, all you can give me I will take. An ear for now has been greatly appreciated.
Thank you,
Michelle
Welcome to Miracles in Progress, I'm sorry that you are dealing with the insanity of this disease and am glad that you reached out and shared. Alcoholism is a progressive, chronic threefold disease that can be arrested but never cured.
Al-Anon is a recovery program for family members that helps people to break the isolation caused by living with the disease and holds daily face-to-face meetings in most communities.. The hotline number is found in the white pages.
At these meetings members are encouraged to share their experience strength and hope, and to discuss appropriate tools that they have used to grow and focus on themselves. Al-Anon is a 12 step program that has slogans, sponsorships and meetings in order to break the isolation caused by the disease. There are many different types of meetings and you can simply attend and listen to learn. When you are comfortable enough you can share if you wish. No one will give you advice but they will suggest that you keep coming back. There will be Beginners information packages available as well as other literature Make sure you pick it up.
There is hope and help
It is an anonymous prog
Been there done that. Wife went in rehab twice, two DUIs, lots of money on lawyers and medical bills. And I was pissed by the time she was in second rehab. it took a lot of Al Anon meetings and talking with her to come to a point where I didn't just blame all my problems on her. And where I could think about something besides her ruining part of my life.
But with time, I came to understand the disease of alcoholism, and to figure out who owned what, and to forgive. It took a while, and it wasn't easy.
I hope you can get to a meeting, I got to go to a couple meetings before my wife got out of rehab, and just those couple of meetings helped a lot.
And feel free to keep coming back here too!
Kenny
Please get to a few meetings and test drive the program for those who are affected by another's drinking/disease. We work the same steps, but slightly different. There is support, help and hope in recovery - keep coming back!
What you wrote, is exactly what I was feeling. And you will probably feel that way for a while. It took me a good three weeks to pull my head out of the confusion and all the emotions, and start to focus on the future. But, I might not have had to go through that for so long, had I had the courage to go to a meeting sooner.
I just joined this group yesterday after going to my first Al Anon meeting, and they had wonderful answers on my post. I encourage you to get to a meeting soon, and take advantage of the support and information. I wish I hadn't waited all these weeks, but like you, I was asked not to tell anyone. I feared people would see my car there in this small town, and rumors would start flying. Now, I'm looking forward to the meetings, and my husband and I will be attending meetings during our vacation. I'm blessed he is coming home two days before, so we will have two weeks to work on ourselves and our relationship together.
Good luck!!
Hi Michelle and welcome,
As others have already suggested, I would try and find a face to face meeting. These were so great for me when my husband first admitted he was an A and started seeking help through AA. I too was a complete basket case when I first found Al-Anon and pretty much cried every face to face meeting I went to. At first I was completely mortified that I was showing so much emotion in meetings but believe me the people in these meetings understand what you are going through and have seen many people crying. I also tried to read as much al-anon literature that I could which helped me learn about the disease and how isolating it was. there are also plenty of youtube videos of meetings and there are podcasts that you can listen to with information on a ton of great topics. One that I listened to a lot at the beginning was www.therecoveryshow.com. I used to listen to the pre-recorded podcasts on my way to and from work.
Hang in there, I know this is not an easy time but I think you will find a lot of support on this board and in meetings. Sending you many positive thoughts.
-- Edited by Jazzie18 on Tuesday 14th of February 2017 11:13:53 AM