Hi I am new here and I am planning on attending my first Al-Anon meeting this weekend. I am really nervous as I do not know what to really expect. My AH has been physically abusive 3 times in the last 7 years while drunk. My problem is he is trying to win me back and I gave him two choices to move out in 30 days or got to Rehab. He isn't going to go to Rehab but I know he needs to because I don't believe he can quit on his own will. SOMETHING will trigger him and I am afraid of what will happen. If he doesn't go to Rehab I don't know how to get him to leave. I knew going into the relationship that he drank and told me he wasn't going to quit...I drank with him but I stopped and quit smoking and lost 91 lbs. I want to better myself and the relationship. Will Al-Anon really help?
hotrod said
Feb 8, 2017
Welcome to Miracles in Progress, I'm sorry that you are dealing with the insanity of this disease and am glad that you reached out and shared. Alcoholism is a progressive chronic threefold disease that can be arrested but never cured. I am sorry that you have been physically intimidated by the disease and would like to suggest that you must take care of yourself first I love that you have lost weight and stopped smoking that is really taking care of yourself.
Al-Anon is a recovery program for family members that helps people to break the isolation caused by living with the disease and holds daily face-to-face meetings in most communities.. The hotline number is found in the white pages.
At these meetings members are encouraged to share their experience strength and hope, and to discuss appropriate tools that they have used to grow and focus on themselves. Al-Anon is a 12 step program that has slogans, sponsorships and meetings in order to break the isolation caused by the disease. There are many different types of meetings and you can simply attend and listen to learn.When you are comfortable enough you can share if you wish. No one will give you advice but they will suggest that you keep coming back
It is an anonymous program so it is not necessary for you to give your name, address, or any personal details. If you are concerned about physical violence it is suggested that you call 911 if you are in danger. Nobody should be subjected to physical violence. Please keep coming back here you are not alone
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a4l said
Feb 8, 2017
Hey wow congratulations on the stopping smoking and weight loss. Alanon works. Welcome aboard.
Godsdaughter said
Feb 8, 2017
Thank you! I actual enjoy reading the messages on this board. It helps a lot reading about this and others. Feed back is welcomed as well.
a4l said
Feb 8, 2017
Feedback.....it's all very familiar. I suggest meetings, a newcomers pack from the first meeting, a pamphlet you can find online called " the merrygoround named denial", and " getting them sober" by toby rice drews. We often want to and Beleive we can turn the alcoholics life around, but we can't. Its a cunning baffling and powerful disease alcoholism, with many many layers for us, the loved ones to peel away. That is one part of alanon. Peeling layers. What is mine and what is his, it gets very enmeshed.
Godsdaughter said
Feb 8, 2017
I total get it a4l I will check those out and thank you very much for the feedback! It was very helpful!
Enigmatic said
Feb 8, 2017
Welcome, Gd, so glad you are here, and so glad you are getting to a meeting...fabulous! I was nervous before my first meeting, too, but it changed my life for the better...please do whatever you have to in order to get there, listen to the message, grab a book/pamphlet and talk with others.
a4l and hotrod had some great things to say, and there are others as you are not alone. Please do what you have to do for your own safety, including reaching out to a local domestic shelter for advice and possible plans for you in case the situation deteriorates. Looking forward to hearing more about your meeting
Godsdaughter said
Feb 9, 2017
Thanks Engimatic! I will hold onto your advise and support greatly. More posting will be to follow. Thanks again!
KennyFenderjazz said
Feb 9, 2017
Hi Godsdaughter,
Al Anon works if you work it. it sounds like you are ready! There is a reason this board is called miracles in Progress. There are many miracles that happen here, and we are all in Progress, none of us have arrived, so we try to make the most of our journey.
I agree with Enigmatic about contacting a domestic shelter. We always say that one should have a Plan B. In some cases, Plan B is leaving for awhile while qualifier is drunk, going to another room, not engaging etc. In the case of potential violence, the situation can turn very quickly, be prepared for that plan B at any time.
Keep coming back here, and enjoy that first meeting!
Kenny
Godsdaughter said
Feb 9, 2017
Thank you KennyFenderjazz! I do actually have two places I can go too. So that Plan B I do have. Thank you for seeing that I am ready to attend Al-Anon. My AH approached me this morning and said that we should be going to the meeting together. I don't think that its a good idea and told him that we need to focus on OUR selves first. At least my determination and honesty is being heard. Thanks again!
kaotob said
Feb 9, 2017
Good for you for having the courage to go to your first meeting. They say we get to the program when we are ready and for many of us, myself included, it was a gift of desperation that got us there. The program teaches us that we didn't cause the problem, we can't control it and we can't cure it. But we don't have to face it alone. There is help for you, I pray you find what you need.
Kelly
Iamhere said
Feb 9, 2017
Welcome to MIP Godsdaughter - glad you found us and glad that you joined right in....Congrats. on your weight loss and the smoking - way to go!!
What Al-Anon has done for me is armed me with the ability to stand in my own skin and live my life no matter what my qualifier(s) are or are not doing. It's not easy, it's not always even fun, but it's possible.....and more often than not, I have joy and peace of mind - both of which were really lacking before I came!
Welcome to the family - keep coming back - there is always hope and help in recovery!!
My hope is you find a lovely support group at your first meeting. If not, try another - it took me two groups to find my home! I also was told to go with an open mind and look for the similarities vs. the differences. That really helped me as I was raised to compete and compare - I've left that behind in my recovery.
(((Hugs)))
Godsdaughter said
Feb 9, 2017
Thank you! I will...hugs
KennyFenderjazz said
Feb 10, 2017
Hi Godsdaughter,
Al Anon is about us, not the alcoholic. There is no reason for the alcoholic to attend, and many meetings actually will not let him since he doesn't qualify as an Al Anon. There are often AA meetings that are in the same building as Al Anon meetings, perhaps he can go to one of those, since those are about the alcoholic.
Kenny
Godsdaughter said
Feb 10, 2017
That was very helpful and i am glad at that too. AA is excatly where he needs to go.Thank you!
Iamhere said
Feb 10, 2017
Sorry - I missed that second post. What Kenny shares is also how it works in my area.....as a 'peace offering', both you and your AH are welcome to attend open meetings for either side (AA or Al-Anon) - it's just the closed meetings that are targeted for the members in recovery. We have quite a few open AA meetings in our area and there are even some that are joint AA/Al-Anon in the open style format.
It is also true that recovery is an individual journey no matter which side you are on!
Godsdaughter said
Feb 11, 2017
Thanks Iamhere. I am feeling that i need to do it alone to start with. I attempted last night to attend a meeting but it was cancelled. So i am going to try another one on Sunday. However my AH was upset because i am changing our normal routine. I said then i guess i am changing our routine cause i am going to a meeting. I don't understand why he doesn't see this is important and things already have changed. Smh.
Iamhere said
Feb 11, 2017
(((Godsdaughter))) - there was a mini revolt here when I put myself first. I just worked on not responding or JADE - Don't Justify. Don't Argue. Don't Defend. Don't Explain. and did what I needed to for me. They adapted in time and so did I. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers for strength to get to a great meeting on Sunday!!!
Godsdaughter said
Feb 11, 2017
(((IamHere))) Thank you! I really like that JADE meaning. I will stick with it!
Iamhere said
Feb 11, 2017
Here's a link that has a 2 page print-out with many slogans, sayings, what not....almost like a cheat sheet to have handy! I've got this in my office, in my literature bag, in my bedroom, etc. It's been very helpful for me when I am uncomfortable or uncertain. Hope it helps!!
(((Iamgere))) I needed that list to be refreshed in my mind. Thank you for putting it "out there" again! It is now printed, messages to me, and saved to my desktop so I can reference it as needed. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Godsdaughter said
Feb 12, 2017
I love it (((IamHere)))! Thank you!
Iamhere said
Feb 12, 2017
Welcome ladies - we have enough new folks - I figured it would help you out....been a gift to me!!!
Godsdaughter said
Feb 12, 2017
First meeting went great! I think it is what and where i was meant to go to for ME! Excited for many more.
Jerry F said
Feb 12, 2017
The courage to change the things we can...Good on you exercising that courage. Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
Iamhere said
Feb 12, 2017
Godsdaughter - I am so glad you got to the meeting and that it feels like a good fit! Celebrate your courage and remember always One Day at a Time!
(((Hugs)))
Godsdaughter said
Feb 12, 2017
(((IamHere))) Thank you!
Enigmatic said
Feb 13, 2017
So glad to hear, good for you for not letting the cancellation kill your momentum. As IamHere mentioned, sometimes it takes trying out a few different meetings to find one that is solid and feels like a good fit, glad you found a good fit right off! Meetings are a huge part of recovery, so happy for you
andijean said
Feb 13, 2017
Hello, Welcome! Congrats on quitting smoking and on your weight loss!!! Go you!! I am new to this site (1st post) and fairly new to Al-anon. I been going for about 7 weeks. I can't tell you how much it has helped me. I'm still learning and I still trip up with my AS, but I have the tools and my soul is healing. Like anything it takes practice, but if you work the program, it works for you. Please don't give up and keep coming back. I hope you feel like I did after my first meeting. I felt like a weight had been lifted. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Love in Recovery,
Andijean
Godsdaughter said
Feb 13, 2017
Hi (((andijea))) My first visit was very uplifting. I thought I would feel uncomfortable but I actually felt like I was welcomed and fit in. It was nice to hear other's stories and that its not just me complaining about my AH. That is actually is a disease. I am actually excited to learn and grow and move forward in life and get better most of all! Thank you for taking the time to check in and reply! I hope you keep posted and I will keep you in my prayers as well.
Iamhere said
Feb 13, 2017
andijean - welcome to MIP! Glad you found us and jumped right in!!! Keep coming back - great to have you as part of the journey!
Hi I am new here and I am planning on attending my first Al-Anon meeting this weekend. I am really nervous as I do not know what to really expect. My AH has been physically abusive 3 times in the last 7 years while drunk. My problem is he is trying to win me back and I gave him two choices to move out in 30 days or got to Rehab. He isn't going to go to Rehab but I know he needs to because I don't believe he can quit on his own will. SOMETHING will trigger him and I am afraid of what will happen. If he doesn't go to Rehab I don't know how to get him to leave. I knew going into the relationship that he drank and told me he wasn't going to quit...I drank with him but I stopped and quit smoking and lost 91 lbs. I want to better myself and the relationship. Will Al-Anon really help?
Welcome to Miracles in Progress, I'm sorry that you are dealing with the insanity of this disease and am glad that you reached out and shared. Alcoholism is a progressive chronic threefold disease that can be arrested but never cured. I am sorry that you have been physically intimidated by the disease and would like to suggest that you must take care of yourself first I love that you have lost weight and stopped smoking that is really taking care of yourself.
Al-Anon is a recovery program for family members that helps people to break the isolation caused by living with the disease and holds daily face-to-face meetings in most communities.. The hotline number is found in the white pages.
At these meetings members are encouraged to share their experience strength and hope, and to discuss appropriate tools that they have used to grow and focus on themselves. Al-Anon is a 12 step program that has slogans, sponsorships and meetings in order to break the isolation caused by the disease. There are many different types of meetings and you can simply attend and listen to learn.When you are comfortable enough you can share if you wish. No one will give you advice but they will suggest that you keep coming back
It is an anonymous program so it is not necessary for you to give your name, address, or any personal details. If you are concerned about physical violence it is suggested that you call 911 if you are in danger. Nobody should be subjected to physical violence. Please keep coming back here you are not alone
-
a4l and hotrod had some great things to say, and there are others as you are not alone. Please do what you have to do for your own safety, including reaching out to a local domestic shelter for advice and possible plans for you in case the situation deteriorates. Looking forward to hearing more about your meeting
Al Anon works if you work it. it sounds like you are ready! There is a reason this board is called miracles in Progress. There are many miracles that happen here, and we are all in Progress, none of us have arrived, so we try to make the most of our journey.
I agree with Enigmatic about contacting a domestic shelter. We always say that one should have a Plan B. In some cases, Plan B is leaving for awhile while qualifier is drunk, going to another room, not engaging etc. In the case of potential violence, the situation can turn very quickly, be prepared for that plan B at any time.
Keep coming back here, and enjoy that first meeting!
Kenny
Thank you KennyFenderjazz! I do actually have two places I can go too. So that Plan B I do have. Thank you for seeing that I am ready to attend Al-Anon. My AH approached me this morning and said that we should be going to the meeting together. I don't think that its a good idea and told him that we need to focus on OUR selves first. At least my determination and honesty is being heard. Thanks again!
Kelly
What Al-Anon has done for me is armed me with the ability to stand in my own skin and live my life no matter what my qualifier(s) are or are not doing. It's not easy, it's not always even fun, but it's possible.....and more often than not, I have joy and peace of mind - both of which were really lacking before I came!
Welcome to the family - keep coming back - there is always hope and help in recovery!!
My hope is you find a lovely support group at your first meeting. If not, try another - it took me two groups to find my home! I also was told to go with an open mind and look for the similarities vs. the differences. That really helped me as I was raised to compete and compare - I've left that behind in my recovery.
(((Hugs)))
Al Anon is about us, not the alcoholic. There is no reason for the alcoholic to attend, and many meetings actually will not let him since he doesn't qualify as an Al Anon. There are often AA meetings that are in the same building as Al Anon meetings, perhaps he can go to one of those, since those are about the alcoholic.
Kenny
It is also true that recovery is an individual journey no matter which side you are on!
42727.activeboard.com/t61091193/al-anon-slogans-more-print-out/
The courage to change the things we can...Good on you exercising that courage. Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
(((Hugs)))
Love in Recovery,
Andijean
Hi (((andijea))) My first visit was very uplifting. I thought I would feel uncomfortable but I actually felt like I was welcomed and fit in. It was nice to hear other's stories and that its not just me complaining about my AH. That is actually is a disease. I am actually excited to learn and grow and move forward in life and get better most of all! Thank you for taking the time to check in and reply! I hope you keep posted and I will keep you in my prayers as well.