I'm new to Al-anon and in recent days I've experienced something that I would call a relapse in my recovery. About a week ago I was Happy - despite outside circumstances - quite serene, feeling for the first time in a very long while spiritually quite healthy, and I still do feel that my life, my attitude has improved, but I somehow seem to have lost much of my healthy perspective a few days ago. I had something like a panic attack today, although, admittedly, this was a long, stressful day at work today after I was ill and away from work for a couple of days. Come to think of it, maybe some of this is due to the fact that I was at home all the time with my AH spouse, I don't know. The panic thing has happened twice to me (including today), both times as I was coming home (at almost the same spot) in the evening, feeling very tired, also both times it was quite cold outside, around -15 celsius today, so my panic only increased with the thought that i would pass out in the cold and the dark, and die in the cold because no one would notice me lieing there. Yeah, cheerful... I'm now warm in my bed, but still not feeling well.
In any case, it feels weird that I've sort of disconnected from my Higher Power at the moment. I had hoped it would stay strongly with me once I've felt it first, but I guess that's kind of silly of me, since I understand the programme does not guarantee instant recovery! I also missed my Al-anon meeting due to my illness, and since I attend them only once a week, maybe missing one has had such an impact on my recovery. There are no daily meetings in my group, although there is another group's meeting during the week, but I haven't gone to it because then I would be back home very late, and I'm tired as it is, not sure I can handle going to it, physically.
If you are reading this, thank you.
hotrod said
Feb 8, 2017
((Aline)) I am glad your warm and safe in your home and are taking care of yourself. Al-Anon is a day at a time program and occasionally we do relapse because we are human. There is a reading in the C2C that says our defects fly overhead and we can choose to pull them in and any time we want. Sometimes when we are hungry angry, lonely and tired, we appear to reach for our old tools and forget program. We may appear to have lost contact with HP, however that is night so. The program suggests that we don't get too hungry angry lonely or tired for the very same reason as what you experienced. Keep showing up, be gentle with yourself and know that you're not alone. Do hope you feel better soon
Aline said
Feb 8, 2017
Thank you for your thoughts and kindness. Yes, I do see how being too tired makes things harder to bear, even at the best of times. Will try not to overwork again tomorrow, especially since I'm still not entirely recovered from my brief illness.
Jerry F said
Feb 8, 2017
Aloha Aline and welcome to the board and glad you reached out. You got Betty too and that is a treasure chest of recovery. I learned the interconnectedness of the mind, body, spirit and emotions of our disease which tells us that when one is affected (being hungry for example) the others are also affected. I tested this bit of wisdom in early recovery and found it to be true for me. When I got cold (hate cold) I would get irritable physically and then mentally my attitude would go to hell in a handbasket. At times I could level my attitudes for a while and then if my emotions went awry those would fly also.
Yes that is in form a relapse however with the awareness that I was in Al-Anon and had it to create true recovery I would arrive back at balance and serenity. I do not take a relapse for granted because consequences are not acceptable without program.
I recently had a relapse which was horrible because it affected two other people negatively that might not have been affected had I use the tools.
Keep coming back and thanks for the trust....(((((hugs)))))
Aline said
Feb 8, 2017
Dear Jerry,
Thank you for sharing your experience, it helps to hear I am not alone!
((Aline)) I am glad your warm and safe in your home and are taking care of yourself. Al-Anon is a day at a time program and occasionally we do relapse because we are human. There is a reading in the C2C that says our defects fly overhead and we can choose to pull them in and any time we want. Sometimes when we are hungry angry, lonely and tired, we appear to reach for our old tools and forget program. We may appear to have lost contact with HP, however that is night so. The program suggests that we don't get too hungry angry lonely or tired for the very same reason as what you experienced. Keep showing up, be gentle with yourself and know that you're not alone. Do hope you feel better soon
Aloha Aline and welcome to the board and glad you reached out. You got Betty too and that is a treasure chest of recovery. I learned the interconnectedness of the mind, body, spirit and emotions of our disease which tells us that when one is affected (being hungry for example) the others are also affected. I tested this bit of wisdom in early recovery and found it to be true for me. When I got cold (hate cold) I would get irritable physically and then mentally my attitude would go to hell in a handbasket. At times I could level my attitudes for a while and then if my emotions went awry those would fly also.
Yes that is in form a relapse however with the awareness that I was in Al-Anon and had it to create true recovery I would arrive back at balance and serenity. I do not take a relapse for granted because consequences are not acceptable without program.
I recently had a relapse which was horrible because it affected two other people negatively that might not have been affected had I use the tools.
Keep coming back and thanks for the trust....(((((hugs)))))