AH who was main bread winner finally drank his way out of a job. I work a few days a week and part time. He has driven us into debt with all of his medical bills, therapy, inpatient treatment and of course alcohol consumption. Like the rest of you I have lived through tirades, drama, and mess to the point of insanity. How did you cope?
(Pity party portion)
I go to meetings, workshops, do daily readings, meditate, journal, work steps, etc. and yet I fel like absolute crap. I keep falling asleep, I'm tired all of the time, no longer have insurance to get help. Three members of the family were brutally murdered in November, two of them a large part of my emotional support system and yesterday, we again had to relive it going to give statements to the DA and today another meeting. I miss them terribly, and feel lonely even after reaching out to others.
Today I don't feel like trying any more. I am angry, full of resentments, and scared. I know I am being childish but I've had three years of dealing with some really horrific stuff and every time I think there is going to be a break something new happens.
(Finally, the question)
How do you work the program when all you want to do is give up, when you are so angry and resentful, when you don't want to call your sponsor because you are sick and tired?
hotrod said
Feb 4, 2017
(((Hello Groo))) you are not alone. I can so identify with the pain and unhappiness of which you speak. I found that not giving up and attending meetings, even if I did not share, helped to break the terrible isolation and allowed hope to grow. That is why it is constantly repeated that we "keep coming back"
Remember that HP works in mysterious ways and that we need to learn how to trust this process and move to acceptance of life on life's terms so as to be able to keep showing up.
Please do keep coming back.
Jerry F said
Feb 4, 2017
Aloha Groo and thanks for the extension to my morning meeting part of which was on surrendering for me or giving up...the fellowship spoke of that surrender condition of "with faith" and that has worked for me a lot since first learning it. Giving up with faith leaves my door open to my Higher Power for additional peace of mind and serenity which has worked all the time. HP always abides with me as I have learned to surrender with an open mind as the closing of our meetings speaks of...I find help. Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
Iamhere said
Feb 4, 2017
(((Groo))) - so very sorry for your loss and that you are in such pain. As your loss is involved with the court system, have you asked about any victim advocacy? In my state, when one is the victim of a crime, they have support services they provide. I went to a couple groups and was never charged - might be worth a call to the District Attorney's office.
As far as working this program, when times were/are especially troubling, I broke my days down into small moments that one day at a time. Sometimes, it was one moment at a time. Having program friends to call and a sponsor to confide in also helped. And yes - I leaned into the spiritual aspect as best I possibly could as I really did feel at times that no human power could relieve the pain I was in.
You are not alone - keep coming back!
Groo said
Feb 4, 2017
Thanks all for your replies. I've been reflecting all day and realize I have been fooling myself. I realize that I haven't accepted the things that I cannot change and have been constantly cleaning up his messes. Lost my temper with him when he fell off the wagon, he pouted, didn't call in and was let go. I have been blaming myself, if I had worked my program and not gone off on him, there would have been no pouting, or maybe he would have called his sponsor instead of doing a self destruct.
I struggle with my HP when things go bad; I always feel alone. I guess that's just another weak spot. I will continue with my meetings; I just feel frustrated, and sick and tired, like there is no end.
Iamhere, yes there is supposed to be someone to help us, but the way the DA talked it didn't sound like it would happen soon.
Jerry F said
Feb 4, 2017
Groo That surely is a sad state of affairs and I know what its like having been there and done that myself and in the end had the same "there will never be an end to this" thoughts and feelings. Then the program worked on my "One day at a time tools" and when I was able to get to live within that one period of time my fear of the future went away and resentments about the past went with them. It has now become a daily habit for me...I live in the day and faith and hope grow. I have also learned to practice that part of the 2nd step "abandon yourself to God as you understand God" which supports my awareness that I am never without my HP.
Sending support and prayers. ((((hugs))))
Iamhere said
Feb 5, 2017
(((Groo))) - when I read your post this morning, I could relate. I often thought IF I had ONLY, then ................................................... What I've since been taught in recovery is those three simple C(s) - 1. I did not cause this. 2. I can't cure it. 3. I can't control it. We are never the fault of another's reactions, just as they are not the cause of our own. We each are responsible for our own reactions/responses, words, etc. This was so hard to grasp - I kept taking everything personally that others did and said, and it just made my thinking even more distorted.
I truly work hard on One Day at a Time. I imagine a clean slate each morning and learn from yesterday but not dwell. For my program, that clean slate applies with those I love too...I can't forgive me and harbor resentments towards others because it blocks me from my Higher Power's will and guidance.
Be gentle with you and just focus on today. I know it's hard to do and keep in mind, we are all about progress - not perfection. I too am sending you support and prayers!
Groo said
Feb 7, 2017
This morning we had tornados and tornado warnings all over the place, my niece and mom huddled in the hallway, my son on lockdown in the hospital where he works, grandbaby was hunkered down in a closet at the nursery, my DIL in the worst hit area, and I sitting on the floor at work with frightened patients. All are fine. Nope it wasn't a Katrina, but it reminded me of what I learned then, stuff doesn't matter, it's the people who matter not jobs.
Went to my meeting tonight where they reminded me that instead of fighting to keep the past intact I should embrace the change. I still feel scared and angry, but after that meeting I feel calmer. Thanks to all for your love and kindness!
Iamhere said
Feb 8, 2017
(((Groo))) - so great that a meeting calmed you - I always do feel a bit better and hopeful with attending meetings. Keep working it, one day at a time!
(Explanation)
AH who was main bread winner finally drank his way out of a job. I work a few days a week and part time. He has driven us into debt with all of his medical bills, therapy, inpatient treatment and of course alcohol consumption. Like the rest of you I have lived through tirades, drama, and mess to the point of insanity. How did you cope?
(Pity party portion)
I go to meetings, workshops, do daily readings, meditate, journal, work steps, etc. and yet I fel like absolute crap. I keep falling asleep, I'm tired all of the time, no longer have insurance to get help. Three members of the family were brutally murdered in November, two of them a large part of my emotional support system and yesterday, we again had to relive it going to give statements to the DA and today another meeting. I miss them terribly, and feel lonely even after reaching out to others.
Today I don't feel like trying any more. I am angry, full of resentments, and scared. I know I am being childish but I've had three years of dealing with some really horrific stuff and every time I think there is going to be a break something new happens.
(Finally, the question)
How do you work the program when all you want to do is give up, when you are so angry and resentful, when you don't want to call your sponsor because you are sick and tired?
(((Hello Groo))) you are not alone. I can so identify with the pain and unhappiness of which you speak. I found that not giving up and attending meetings, even if I did not share, helped to break the terrible isolation and allowed hope to grow. That is why it is constantly repeated that we "keep coming back"
Remember that HP works in mysterious ways and that we need to learn how to trust this process and move to acceptance of life on life's terms so as to be able to keep showing up.
Please do keep coming back.
Aloha Groo and thanks for the extension to my morning meeting part of which was on surrendering for me or giving up...the fellowship spoke of that surrender condition of "with faith" and that has worked for me a lot since first learning it. Giving up with faith leaves my door open to my Higher Power for additional peace of mind and serenity which has worked all the time. HP always abides with me as I have learned to surrender with an open mind as the closing of our meetings speaks of...I find help. Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
As far as working this program, when times were/are especially troubling, I broke my days down into small moments that one day at a time. Sometimes, it was one moment at a time. Having program friends to call and a sponsor to confide in also helped. And yes - I leaned into the spiritual aspect as best I possibly could as I really did feel at times that no human power could relieve the pain I was in.
You are not alone - keep coming back!
I struggle with my HP when things go bad; I always feel alone. I guess that's just another weak spot. I will continue with my meetings; I just feel frustrated, and sick and tired, like there is no end.
Iamhere, yes there is supposed to be someone to help us, but the way the DA talked it didn't sound like it would happen soon.
Groo That surely is a sad state of affairs and I know what its like having been there and done that myself and in the end had the same "there will never be an end to this" thoughts and feelings. Then the program worked on my "One day at a time tools" and when I was able to get to live within that one period of time my fear of the future went away and resentments about the past went with them. It has now become a daily habit for me...I live in the day and faith and hope grow. I have also learned to practice that part of the 2nd step "abandon yourself to God as you understand God" which supports my awareness that I am never without my HP.
Sending support and prayers. ((((hugs))))
I truly work hard on One Day at a Time. I imagine a clean slate each morning and learn from yesterday but not dwell. For my program, that clean slate applies with those I love too...I can't forgive me and harbor resentments towards others because it blocks me from my Higher Power's will and guidance.
Be gentle with you and just focus on today. I know it's hard to do and keep in mind, we are all about progress - not perfection. I too am sending you support and prayers!
Went to my meeting tonight where they reminded me that instead of fighting to keep the past intact I should embrace the change. I still feel scared and angry, but after that meeting I feel calmer. Thanks to all for your love and kindness!