I have been reading a bit on this and I don't have it all the time. I think it means maturity, not becoming anxious when I don't get my own way. When people, places and things aren't doing what I want, when things are not going my way its about accepting things just as they are, not fighting the reality, trying desperately to get life to look like I think it should.
I think thats why we really need a higher power or the idea of a higher power working in the world and trusting that everything is perfect just as it is. My own interpretation of a crisis may actually be just what is needed to drive change in my life or the life of others so my small view could lead to me rushing in to fix or control through my own fears.
Its about humility, accepting I dont know all the answers and therefore sometimes no action is the correct way to go or silence is the perfect response. How amazing to think that I dont need to know all the answers to all the problems in my own life and the life of my loved ones and that actually what I perceive as a problem can be the beginning of a solution.
andromeda said
Feb 3, 2017
YES! I love this share, because it's something I know I need to work on. So important for me to always check my motive, to respond instead of react, and to practice humility as well. My bf was just teasing me last night because he admitted he was wrong about something and then brought up a silly situation where I wouldn't let something go and had to be right even though I was clearly wrong, lol. I insisted on being right and it's become a bit of a joke between us now. Thankfully, though, I am mature enough to laugh at myself and admit how silly I was being. Years ago I would have sulked and taken it personally. I guess there's always room for progress!
Iamhere said
Feb 3, 2017
Great share El-Cee and great topic....For me, the closer I can align myself each day, one day at a time to the program, the most consistent I am....I am beyond words grateful today and am almost shocked by that only because I have 2 different tornadoes related to the disease swirling around me. As the program has taught me to stay present and keep the focus on me, the details are not nearly as important as what I am/am not doing about it.
What I do know is that what's going on around me is not defining me today - that's growth.
What I do know is that I can be sad about the circumstances, and even worried, but I don't have to cave inward and isolate.
What I do know is God loves me, loves them and his will and plan are far superior than anything I could want.
For me, it is when I step away from me, my program, my recovery and my HP that my serenity and emotional sobriety are threatened. I've been having troubles sleeping lately and woke up late this morning. Often, when I sleep in, I wake a bit panicked but today, I woke up grateful and calm.
Acceptance, humility, gratitude and forgiveness are what I ask myself about when I am disturbed. Love how our program gives us all the tools we need to get through anything! Glad to be a part of this journey with you and so grateful for MIP and Al-Anon.
hotrod said
Feb 3, 2017
Dear LC and Andromeda, Thanks so much for your thoughts on this important topic. I do believe that "Emotional Sobriety and Emotional Maturity are true gifts of practicing this program.
Before alanon I always needed to be right , never allowed others to simply have their opinion (without my attempting to change their minds) and reacted constantly instead of responding.
Learning the power of "acceptance of life on life's terms" help tremendously and did not come easy. The Steps, slogan, examining my motives and learning to validate myself without invalidating others slowly directed my attitudes to this lovely sobriety and serenity.
Thanks for the topic
Jerry F said
Feb 3, 2017
I love this share, thanks el-cee. Lessons came back up which are still valid for me today years after I was taught and learned them. In early recovery emotions were a sore subject for me and for those around me...I reacted rather than responded to life and the disease and so was rightly considered insane. I knew I was insane because I kept missing the mark on finding balance. I hated it but kept after the solution with my sponsor who told and taught me "you are responsible for your emotions". My reaction was "NOT !!....feeling just are and dependent on the situation I find myself in". "Uh uh" he replied. "You can choose to feel what ever you want to feel at anyone time and you should". I thought I should have made the call and had him committed for therapy and then decided to look deeper into what he was saying and sure enough I got had once again. I thought I had to feel based upon conditions and my future father in law had just passed away. Sadness is what you're supposed to feel right? I chose to feel acceptance and joy that he had been around in my life and shared love and happiness with me/us. I went to the funeral and was in the minority of those who chose sadness and grief and loss and anger and poor mees. My mother in law and I shared some peaceful conversation and time and my sponsor was right.
I own my feelings and get to feel what I want and how I want.
Thanks for the share. ((((hugs))))
LinSC said
Feb 3, 2017
Sounds like a great idea. There is a ton of ideas on the net, if you have time to read. I think we could all gain from learning this. linsc
Calm Lady said
Feb 8, 2017
Great share.
Emotional sobriety is my goal too.
There are some very helpful AA shares on this subject online. You Tube, WeJoy site etc.
I have been reading a bit on this and I don't have it all the time. I think it means maturity, not becoming anxious when I don't get my own way. When people, places and things aren't doing what I want, when things are not going my way its about accepting things just as they are, not fighting the reality, trying desperately to get life to look like I think it should.
I think thats why we really need a higher power or the idea of a higher power working in the world and trusting that everything is perfect just as it is. My own interpretation of a crisis may actually be just what is needed to drive change in my life or the life of others so my small view could lead to me rushing in to fix or control through my own fears.
Its about humility, accepting I dont know all the answers and therefore sometimes no action is the correct way to go or silence is the perfect response. How amazing to think that I dont need to know all the answers to all the problems in my own life and the life of my loved ones and that actually what I perceive as a problem can be the beginning of a solution.
What I do know is that what's going on around me is not defining me today - that's growth.
What I do know is that I can be sad about the circumstances, and even worried, but I don't have to cave inward and isolate.
What I do know is God loves me, loves them and his will and plan are far superior than anything I could want.
For me, it is when I step away from me, my program, my recovery and my HP that my serenity and emotional sobriety are threatened. I've been having troubles sleeping lately and woke up late this morning. Often, when I sleep in, I wake a bit panicked but today, I woke up grateful and calm.
Acceptance, humility, gratitude and forgiveness are what I ask myself about when I am disturbed. Love how our program gives us all the tools we need to get through anything! Glad to be a part of this journey with you and so grateful for MIP and Al-Anon.
Dear LC and Andromeda, Thanks so much for your thoughts on this important topic. I do believe that "Emotional Sobriety and Emotional Maturity are true gifts of practicing this program.
Before alanon I always needed to be right , never allowed others to simply have their opinion (without my attempting to change their minds) and reacted constantly instead of responding.
Learning the power of "acceptance of life on life's terms" help tremendously and did not come easy. The Steps, slogan, examining my motives and learning to validate myself without invalidating others slowly directed my attitudes to this lovely sobriety and serenity.
Thanks for the topic
I love this share, thanks el-cee. Lessons came back up which are still valid for me today years after I was taught and learned them. In early recovery emotions were a sore subject for me and for those around me...I reacted rather than responded to life and the disease and so was rightly considered insane. I knew I was insane because I kept missing the mark on finding balance. I hated it but kept after the solution with my sponsor who told and taught me "you are responsible for your emotions". My reaction was "NOT !!....feeling just are and dependent on the situation I find myself in". "Uh uh" he replied. "You can choose to feel what ever you want to feel at anyone time and you should". I thought I should have made the call and had him committed for therapy and then decided to look deeper into what he was saying and sure enough I got had once again. I thought I had to feel based upon conditions and my future father in law had just passed away. Sadness is what you're supposed to feel right? I chose to feel acceptance and joy that he had been around in my life and shared love and happiness with me/us. I went to the funeral and was in the minority of those who chose sadness and grief and loss and anger and poor mees. My mother in law and I shared some peaceful conversation and time and my sponsor was right.
I own my feelings and get to feel what I want and how I want.
Thanks for the share. ((((hugs))))
Sounds like a great idea. There is a ton of ideas on the net, if you have time to read. I think we could all gain from learning this. linsc
Emotional sobriety is my goal too.
There are some very helpful AA shares on this subject online. You Tube, WeJoy site etc.