I am not sure if this is the right place for me. I have several issues I am dealing with. I'd kind of like to find one place to find some advice.
Before I begin, I am seeing someone for medication for behavioral issues but my therapist recently retired; the others in his office are not taking 'new clients'. I am looking into other options but I am also very apprehensive about going to another clinic. Over the years I have developed an irrational albeit debilitating fear of meeting with and discussing these issues with strangers face to face so finding someone I can trust and open up to is a slow process for me.
The short version of why I am seeking help here:
A little over year ago my biological father passed away (liver cancer). He was an abusive alcoholic. He spent most of his life in and out of recovery. As far as I know the last five years of his life he was sober. He made the choice to put his past behind him. His children were reminders of mistakes he had made so he had very little to do with us. I have two half brothers, not related to him. One has been in and out of jail the past year, addicted to narcotics. He is currently in NA working the program and appears to be doing well. My mother/best friend died in November (a few days before he was released to a rehab center). Our other brother is also addicted to narcotics. He lives with me. He spends roughly 1,000+ a month on drugs, which makes it impossible for him to pay any of the few bills that he has (car, insurance etc). He denies the fact that he has a problem because he only does drugs "once or twice a month". My husband is a sex addict. He has been seen by multiple therapist and really has come a long way over the years but the therapy only lasts about a month or two at a time and he goes years in between seeking help. On top of all of this last week I was told my cat (the only friend I felt I had left in this world) was in severe renal failure and I had to euthanize him. I've been told I am an enabler and codependent. I have mild agoraphobia and when I become overwhelmed I retreat to my bed and honestly am incapable of doing much more than going to the bathroom. I fear that I am sinking into that horrible place and desperately need guidance on how to deal with all of these things, especially the addicts in my life whom I truly love but am so tired of enabling. My doctor has increased my medication and I am seeking new counseling just FYI but I am hoping that I can find someone to help me focus on ways to make myself better while I look. I know nothing I do can change them. I am here looking for help for me, just to be clear. If this is not the place for me then hopefully someone can point me in another direction.
If you made it through all of that, thanks. :)
Cristeen
a4l said
Feb 1, 2017
Welcome x one million and yes you're in the right place. Some of our lovely folk will be along soon, i wanted to say hi in the meantime. Such a lot going on! My condolences on the loss of your longtime feline friend. Addiction is a destructive thing, you are not alone and im glad you found us.
el-cee said
Feb 1, 2017
Welcome, I think you are in the right place. I am also an enabler and codependant in recovery. Ive been effected by alcoholism and I got to a similar place you are in, the sheer hopelessness of it and despair. It was a goodplace to get for me because I reached out like you have done. I went to my nearest Alanon meeting almost 5 yrs ago and my life has changed dramatically for the better. Check out the Alanon website and get yourself to a meeting ASAP and begin a new life with hope, gratitude and serenity.
hotrod said
Feb 1, 2017
Welcome You are in the right place. I am sorry for your loss and pain. You are not alone As others have said, alanon is the recovery forum for family members who live with or have lived with the insanity of the disease of alcoholism You have already been advised to find alanon face to face meetings and since it is extremely important to break the terrible isolation caused by living with the disease, I would also like to suggest that if you are unable to go out to a meeting we have on line meetings here as well
Meetings 9 AM EST Mon-Fri 9 PM EST Mon-Sat 10 AM EST Sat & Sun 7 PM EST Sunday
Keep coming back there is hop e
Enigmatic said
Feb 1, 2017
Welcome, glad you found us, and so sorry for the pain you are going through and the losses you have suffered...yes, you are in the right place! So many here relate to the pain, loss, and terrible and frightening sense of isolation.
Some have pointed to good resources above, definitely check out the FAQ above and the alanon.org site when you are able, and keep coming back here! Glad to have you, hang in there you're not alone
Iamhere said
Feb 1, 2017
I too welcome you to MIP Cristeen - so very, very sorry for all the pain you've experienced. I'm also a believer in recovery - it's brought me back to sanity and restored my faith in living life to the best I can. I do suggest that you attend meetings. I know that may sound very frightening and cause you some anxiety - that has happened to me and countless others. For me, stepping in front of those feelings and going to some meetings was the catalyst for change I needed when I was full of despair, sadness and hopelessness.
In F2F (Face to Face) meetings, I found support, love and compassion from complete strangers. I found others who had similar experiences and understood like nobody else and could truly support me through the reality of living with addiction/alcoholism. I found that what I share there stays there, and others listen freely without judgement or advice. I found a support group of like-minded folks who were my peers and wanted their own sanity restored as much as they wanted mine restored.
The rest of the story as they say included literature, steps, faith, higher power and living my best life....One Day at a Time. Please keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery, and it works when we work it!! (((Hugs)))
shrnp said
Feb 1, 2017
Hello Cristeen, I am sorry you are having all these problems right now. I think alanon can help with not only relationships with alcoholics/drug addicts but also things in our everyday lives. I come here because of a relationship with an alcoholic, but I have been able to use things I am learning in my relationships with people like my son who does not have any addiction problems. I attend the online meetings because I am not driving right now but I also have anxiety issues. I have had to change therapist in the past and it can be very stressful starting over. I hope you will try an online meeting and see how that goes.
Jerry F said
Feb 1, 2017
Aloha Cristeen and welcome to MIP...we don't offer advise however we will share tons of experience, strength and hope with you as has been with us. Overwhelmed is a normal emotional and mental condition for those who are trapped within the disease of addiction. This is a cunning and powerful and incurable disease which is often fatal if not arrested by total abstinence. Alcohol and drug addiction affects every one it comes into contact with and we come here to give and seek ESH to repel the insanity that comes with this disease. please join us and listen for the suggestions from the winners wo are no longer trapped in the disease. ((((hugs))))
Mike B said
Feb 1, 2017
Hi Cristeen! You're definitely in the right spot. The pain, helplessness, hopelessness & despair is what brought all of us here. This is a fear based disease. It keeps us from enjoying the goodness in life while wrapped up in the insanity of it. When the pain of where I was at became greater than the fear of where I needed to go- I took action. Today, I'm grateful for that pain. For not, I would still be living with the insanity of Alcoholism and Addiction. I hope you take action too. The first step would be an Alanon meeting. There you will find folks who truly care and have experienced what you're going through. Tell them you're new- the Fellowship will take over and your journey in recovery will start to unfold.
CristeenRivers said
Feb 1, 2017
Thank you all for your warm welcome and sharing your experiences. I will try the online meeting. I do no have a great history of trying to get help face to face about all of this. Those visits have always come with judgment. I've had professionals tell me that I am stupid for not wanting to leave my husband (her actual words) because staying with him gives him all the permission he 'needs' to not seek help and that letting my brother live with me will continue to enable him; that I should gather the strength to kick them out (something that my mother finally did to the brother currently in N.A.). One day I may have to ask my brother to leave but that isn't something I that I am willing to do to my husband, and I am afraid that when people hear that they will be like everyone else and basically tell me that I won't be able to help myself until I do.
A few years ago I had reached this point. And my mother, who was familiar with al anon from being married to my father, advised me to start focusing on what I could control... myself. And I did. I went back to school and took up yoga and lived a healthier lifestyle and I was doing really well. I just feel like so much is happening right now, even school feels overwhelming. I don't know how to find my way back to that place where my focus is more on me and less on the trouble that all of these people I love are in. It is like I know what I need to do but I'm frozen; stuck in this hell. I don't know how else to explain it. I will check out places near me while I am looking into the new counselor that was recommended by my old one, though I do not really drive myself anywhere anymore on the rare occasion I do leave my house. And I will try the online meetings first. Hopefully you are all right and it will be a more judgment free zone that I've experienced in the past.
I am not sure if this is the right place for me. I have several issues I am dealing with. I'd kind of like to find one place to find some advice.
Before I begin, I am seeing someone for medication for behavioral issues but my therapist recently retired; the others in his office are not taking 'new clients'. I am looking into other options but I am also very apprehensive about going to another clinic. Over the years I have developed an irrational albeit debilitating fear of meeting with and discussing these issues with strangers face to face so finding someone I can trust and open up to is a slow process for me.
The short version of why I am seeking help here:
A little over year ago my biological father passed away (liver cancer). He was an abusive alcoholic. He spent most of his life in and out of recovery. As far as I know the last five years of his life he was sober. He made the choice to put his past behind him. His children were reminders of mistakes he had made so he had very little to do with us. I have two half brothers, not related to him. One has been in and out of jail the past year, addicted to narcotics. He is currently in NA working the program and appears to be doing well. My mother/best friend died in November (a few days before he was released to a rehab center). Our other brother is also addicted to narcotics. He lives with me. He spends roughly 1,000+ a month on drugs, which makes it impossible for him to pay any of the few bills that he has (car, insurance etc). He denies the fact that he has a problem because he only does drugs "once or twice a month". My husband is a sex addict. He has been seen by multiple therapist and really has come a long way over the years but the therapy only lasts about a month or two at a time and he goes years in between seeking help. On top of all of this last week I was told my cat (the only friend I felt I had left in this world) was in severe renal failure and I had to euthanize him. I've been told I am an enabler and codependent. I have mild agoraphobia and when I become overwhelmed I retreat to my bed and honestly am incapable of doing much more than going to the bathroom. I fear that I am sinking into that horrible place and desperately need guidance on how to deal with all of these things, especially the addicts in my life whom I truly love but am so tired of enabling. My doctor has increased my medication and I am seeking new counseling just FYI but I am hoping that I can find someone to help me focus on ways to make myself better while I look. I know nothing I do can change them. I am here looking for help for me, just to be clear. If this is not the place for me then hopefully someone can point me in another direction.
If you made it through all of that, thanks. :)
Cristeen
Al-Anon Family Group
Meeting/Chat Room
Meetings
9 AM EST Mon-Fri
9 PM EST Mon-Sat
10 AM EST Sat & Sun
7 PM EST Sunday
Keep coming back there is hop e
Some have pointed to good resources above, definitely check out the FAQ above and the alanon.org site when you are able, and keep coming back here! Glad to have you, hang in there you're not alone
In F2F (Face to Face) meetings, I found support, love and compassion from complete strangers. I found others who had similar experiences and understood like nobody else and could truly support me through the reality of living with addiction/alcoholism. I found that what I share there stays there, and others listen freely without judgement or advice. I found a support group of like-minded folks who were my peers and wanted their own sanity restored as much as they wanted mine restored.
The rest of the story as they say included literature, steps, faith, higher power and living my best life....One Day at a Time. Please keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery, and it works when we work it!! (((Hugs)))
Aloha Cristeen and welcome to MIP...we don't offer advise however we will share tons of experience, strength and hope with you as has been with us. Overwhelmed is a normal emotional and mental condition for those who are trapped within the disease of addiction. This is a cunning and powerful and incurable disease which is often fatal if not arrested by total abstinence. Alcohol and drug addiction affects every one it comes into contact with and we come here to give and seek ESH to repel the insanity that comes with this disease. please join us and listen for the suggestions from the winners wo are no longer trapped in the disease. ((((hugs))))
Hi Cristeen! You're definitely in the right spot. The pain, helplessness, hopelessness & despair is what brought all of us here. This is a fear based disease. It keeps us from enjoying the goodness in life while wrapped up in the insanity of it. When the pain of where I was at became greater than the fear of where I needed to go- I took action. Today, I'm grateful for that pain. For not, I would still be living with the insanity of Alcoholism and Addiction. I hope you take action too. The first step would be an Alanon meeting. There you will find folks who truly care and have experienced what you're going through. Tell them you're new- the Fellowship will take over and your journey in recovery will start to unfold.
A few years ago I had reached this point. And my mother, who was familiar with al anon from being married to my father, advised me to start focusing on what I could control... myself. And I did. I went back to school and took up yoga and lived a healthier lifestyle and I was doing really well. I just feel like so much is happening right now, even school feels overwhelming. I don't know how to find my way back to that place where my focus is more on me and less on the trouble that all of these people I love are in. It is like I know what I need to do but I'm frozen; stuck in this hell. I don't know how else to explain it. I will check out places near me while I am looking into the new counselor that was recommended by my old one, though I do not really drive myself anywhere anymore on the rare occasion I do leave my house. And I will try the online meetings first. Hopefully you are all right and it will be a more judgment free zone that I've experienced in the past.
Thank you all so much,
Cristeen