I'm 44, child of two alcoholics - turbulent, horrible, passive-aggressive, co-dependent marriage with lots of domestic violence. Ex self harmer, ex abusive marriage - usual ACOA stuff, I'm a bad person, I couldn't fix things, I deserve to be married to a dreadful man who will damage me mentally.
So yeah. And then about 8 years ago I finally got my stuff together, I started a new life and I like me. That's important. I reinvented myself, and I like what I am.
And then my dad died, and after the police had kicked in the front door and she'd managed to alienate the neighbours by accusing them of paedophilia and God knows what else, I'm her only child so we thought it was better and less disruptive to have her nearby where at least we could call in help if needed.
Well, drinking now in a daily basis, hospitalised on a 6 weekly cycle, now having auditory and visual delusions mostly involving me being dead in her flat. Phoning my office saying that I'm having an affair with a drug dealer and should she pick up my son from school. Accusing the neighbours of theft, paedophilia, blackmail (- see a pattern here?) Incontinent.
I"m torn. The more I detach, the more she acts up, because she's desperate for me/my family to prove that she is the centre of the world. And the more needy she is, the more I don't want anything to do with her.
Hey ho. Currently, I want nothing at all to do with her. Her behaviour is so far outside the "normal" life that I've built up for myself and my family - we have clean clothes, routines, food on the table that my little boy hasn't had to cook, we don't scream abuse at each other - you know, ordinary boring stuff - that to be honest I would rather cut her off altogether than be dragged into the chaos and disorder of her alcoholic world again.
And yet I am torn...
Jen61 said
Jan 31, 2017
Welcome to MIP. Take care of you first. I too grew up with both parents drinking. I had to let them go a few different times because I could not do it any longer. Luckily for me they lived across the country but it was still hard. I would go to face to face meetings, online meetings here and read as much Al-anon info as you can. I am very sorry you and your family are going through this. Take care!
Medhuil said
Jan 31, 2017
Jen61 - like a bl**dy fool, I arranged for her to live within walking distance rather than 8 hours' drive away! Or else she'd be dead by now.
hotrod said
Jan 31, 2017
Welcome medhull. Glad that you found us and reached out. Congratulations on turning your life around and having a healthy lifestyle. I'm so very sorry that you're dealing with this dreadful disease of alcoholism. Unfortunately we are powerless over this disease and our best course of action is to focus on ourselves and try to learn new constructive tools to live life. Al-Anon is a recovery program for family members and face-to-face meetings are held in most communities. I urge you to seek them out The telephone number is in the white pages . It is here. I developed new and constructive tools to live by while I was still able to have compassion and empathy for the alcoholic inmy life.
You are not alone and there is hope so please keep coming back
shrnp said
Jan 31, 2017
Hello Medhuil,
I am an ACOA too. I am sorry you are going through this. I too like my boring, normal life after so many years of drama. I participate in the online meetings. It is hard when someone is sick and going to the hospital every so many weeks. I have an ex-bf in a nursing home right now because of his drinking. It is a progressive disease if they do not get help. I hope everything gets better.
Well, first time here so bear with....
I'm 44, child of two alcoholics - turbulent, horrible, passive-aggressive, co-dependent marriage with lots of domestic violence. Ex self harmer, ex abusive marriage - usual ACOA stuff, I'm a bad person, I couldn't fix things, I deserve to be married to a dreadful man who will damage me mentally.
So yeah. And then about 8 years ago I finally got my stuff together, I started a new life and I like me. That's important. I reinvented myself, and I like what I am.
And then my dad died, and after the police had kicked in the front door and she'd managed to alienate the neighbours by accusing them of paedophilia and God knows what else, I'm her only child so we thought it was better and less disruptive to have her nearby where at least we could call in help if needed.
Well, drinking now in a daily basis, hospitalised on a 6 weekly cycle, now having auditory and visual delusions mostly involving me being dead in her flat. Phoning my office saying that I'm having an affair with a drug dealer and should she pick up my son from school. Accusing the neighbours of theft, paedophilia, blackmail (- see a pattern here?) Incontinent.
I"m torn. The more I detach, the more she acts up, because she's desperate for me/my family to prove that she is the centre of the world. And the more needy she is, the more I don't want anything to do with her.
Hey ho. Currently, I want nothing at all to do with her. Her behaviour is so far outside the "normal" life that I've built up for myself and my family - we have clean clothes, routines, food on the table that my little boy hasn't had to cook, we don't scream abuse at each other - you know, ordinary boring stuff - that to be honest I would rather cut her off altogether than be dragged into the chaos and disorder of her alcoholic world again.
And yet I am torn...
Welcome medhull. Glad that you found us and reached out. Congratulations on turning your life around and having a healthy lifestyle. I'm so very sorry that you're dealing with this dreadful disease of alcoholism. Unfortunately we are powerless over this disease and our best course of action is to focus on ourselves and try to learn new constructive tools to live life. Al-Anon is a recovery program for family members and face-to-face meetings are held in most communities. I urge you to seek them out The telephone number is in the white pages . It is here. I developed new and constructive tools to live by while I was still able to have compassion and empathy for the alcoholic inmy life.
You are not alone and there is hope so please keep coming back
I am an ACOA too. I am sorry you are going through this. I too like my boring, normal life after so many years of drama. I participate in the online meetings. It is hard when someone is sick and going to the hospital every so many weeks. I have an ex-bf in a nursing home right now because of his drinking. It is a progressive disease if they do not get help. I hope everything gets better.