I slept a couple of hours and now awake feeling so much anxiety by my AH relapse. I am going through a death in the family and it is so much more painful with my AH drinking, lying and not being emotionally available. If you have stayed in your relationship, what things do you do to cope and detach. I feel so reactive instead of proactive and when this happens, I pretty much freeze up and find it difficult to concentrate on anything else.
What do you do to escape and pain?
Enigmatic said
Jan 30, 2017
Hello wife, so sorry you are struggling, death is often a difficult event to process even in the best of circumstances.
I appreciate the simplicity of the program, and that what 'works' in the program works for any challenge we are facing. Connecting with our higher power, sponsor and other members, attending meetings, reading AlAnon literature, and prayer and meditation are the things the program recommends we participate in regularly, but especially when we are having a rough go.
During these times, I try to attend every meeting I can fit into my schedule, read on particular topics that I am struggling with, and make sure I am following up with meditation on what I have read and heard. This helps push out the negative thoughts and feelings and make room for the positive perspectives and peace of the program.
Hang in there, keep working, know that you're not alone
luv123 said
Jan 30, 2017
Sending positive thoughts & prayer! You are not alone although u may feel it at moments.... feelings aren't facts. One day at a time -hr. at a time -- u can get through this. Grief is a really challenging feeling for me--I need to do a lot of self care and keep up my meetings/prayer time/chatting with ala-pals---the phone meetings are great too when u can't get to a face to face due to the lack of time during these things. (even half of a phone meeting or a face one is good-u don't need to get to the whole thing) When I am not getting support through who I would like to get it through, I have to ask for acceptance and open my eyes to the ways HP is giving me support (maybe not the package I want, but it is there in some other way if I look)
Here is part of schedule-there are more meetings listed online--
712-432-8733 pin #52639... .... (Eastern standard time) daily 6a, 9a, 12pm, 4p, 8p, 10p , many nights at midnight (with a few exceptions on weekends sat/ sunday 8 am & 10am rather than at 9, I think...) for the meeting times you can also call that 8733 number & just press this pin # (keypad numbers that correspond with the word TIMES)
Iamhere said
Jan 30, 2017
So sorry for your loss wife and also sorry for the pain you are in! I'm also sending you positive thoughts and prayers - be gentle with you...
Jerry F said
Jan 30, 2017
The miracle for me is remembering the first step and getting it into my mind over and over and over. Knowing that others were standing with me during times like this reminded me that I didn't and wasn't the answer at all times and allowed myself to pray for others and allow others to pray for/with me.
The first step practice helped me just recently with the loss of my younger brother. God's got him and he could be a whole lot more at ease than I. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
wifeofalcoholic said
Jan 30, 2017
Thank you very much for all the responses and support and kind words. I went to a meeting today and it was very helpful. I also read my One Day at a Time and the Courage to Change. I will keep working the program and take care of myself. Sorry, Jerry, for the loss of your younger brother. Yes, God has him and my loved one also.
Maresie25 said
Jan 31, 2017
I have certainly been through a loss in the family around an alcoholic. I remember when my mother died. I did not know the alcoholic well then. It's funny how you.dont know an alcoholic for a long time
The alcoholic who I was with certainly had real issues around death. Expecting someone like that to be #there# when you have a loss is a real no winner.
Cut back up to today, I lost a friend over the holidays. A friend of mine who is an alcoholic is totally non responsive. In have been #there# for her a great deal.
These days I don't expect much. I have learned expectations turn into resentments
Nevertheless I would say I re evaluate certain relationships when people are not #there# for me. Since my loss I have pulled back on being #there# for my friend
I hope you get help managing your grief. It's about a month since I lost my friend. He was a very dear friend to me, really #there# when I needed him.
You deserve to have support and care at this time. I hope you get some
Maresie25
I slept a couple of hours and now awake feeling so much anxiety by my AH relapse. I am going through a death in the family and it is so much more painful with my AH drinking, lying and not being emotionally available. If you have stayed in your relationship, what things do you do to cope and detach. I feel so reactive instead of proactive and when this happens, I pretty much freeze up and find it difficult to concentrate on anything else.
What do you do to escape and pain?
I appreciate the simplicity of the program, and that what 'works' in the program works for any challenge we are facing. Connecting with our higher power, sponsor and other members, attending meetings, reading AlAnon literature, and prayer and meditation are the things the program recommends we participate in regularly, but especially when we are having a rough go.
During these times, I try to attend every meeting I can fit into my schedule, read on particular topics that I am struggling with, and make sure I am following up with meditation on what I have read and heard. This helps push out the negative thoughts and feelings and make room for the positive perspectives and peace of the program.
Hang in there, keep working, know that you're not alone
Sending positive thoughts & prayer! You are not alone although u may feel it at moments.... feelings aren't facts. One day at a time -hr. at a time -- u can get through this. Grief is a really challenging feeling for me--I need to do a lot of self care and keep up my meetings/prayer time/chatting with ala-pals---the phone meetings are great too when u can't get to a face to face due to the lack of time during these things. (even half of a phone meeting or a face one is good-u don't need to get to the whole thing) When I am not getting support through who I would like to get it through, I have to ask for acceptance and open my eyes to the ways HP is giving me support (maybe not the package I want, but it is there in some other way if I look)
Here is part of schedule-there are more meetings listed online--
712-432-8733 pin #52639... .... (Eastern standard time) daily 6a, 9a, 12pm, 4p, 8p, 10p , many nights at midnight (with a few exceptions on weekends sat/ sunday 8 am & 10am rather than at 9, I think...) for the meeting times you can also call that 8733 number & just press this pin # (keypad numbers that correspond with the word TIMES)
The miracle for me is remembering the first step and getting it into my mind over and over and over. Knowing that others were standing with me during times like this reminded me that I didn't and wasn't the answer at all times and allowed myself to pray for others and allow others to pray for/with me.
The first step practice helped me just recently with the loss of my younger brother. God's got him and he could be a whole lot more at ease than I. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))