For one new member, AlAnon's suggestion to focus on self as the best way to help the alcoholic seemed heartless. They decided AlAnon was not a place for them...until hearing someone's realization that the best intentions to help the alcoholic often fail, but AlAnon helps us learn a better way to help.
Reflection on previous efforts to 'help' involved covering for the alcoholic financially and socially, all which actually shielded the alcoholic from consequences, but also learning opportunities. Additionally, why was there a feeling of desperation, eased only by 'helping' others? The member did some motive searching and realized it was their own feelings of anxiety they were trying to ease.
Today's Reminder: Am I offering help purely out of love, or are there other motives involved? Am I steering them to what I think is best? The outside perspective of a sponsor is invaluable in these situations. We are in our best position to help others when we focus first on getting ourselves in the most healthy place possible.
"In AlAnon we learn:
·Not to create a crisis
·Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events."- Detachment
*************** This is a powerful page and has been critical to my recovery. Focusing on my recovery made sense immediately as I reviewed my crazy attempts to 'help' my qualifier, but actually stepping back from interfering with her recovery was, and still is, very challenging.
As the page noted, it is my own anxiety that threatens to push me outside of my circle and into hers. With the guidance of AlAnon and consistent effort, I am better at recognizing where my own feelings are the source of my discomfort and pain and efforts to change others.
AlAnon reminds me to do this with love and compassion, not as a cold exclusion. Focus on my recovery is not selfish, but rather the best chance for my qualifier to find her own path and relationship with a higher power. Before AlAnon, I didn't even know this was possible; with it I have witnessed greater peace that this approach has brought to us both...I am very grateful
andromeda said
Jan 18, 2017
Thank you Paul for sharing. I find that I struggle with this in many of my interactions. I let my anxious mind push me to meddle, to pout, to play the victim, to get mad about something that is not worth the argument, etc. I do this to stir things up, to feel an emotional connection to someone, and to create that crisis so that I 'feel alive'. I have learned, though, that I must always check my motive and that that's the most important tool I can use in the moment. I think before I speak and I internally check myself. That is how I get myself healthy.
hotrod said
Jan 18, 2017
Good Morning Paul Thank you for your service and for sharing your wisdom regarding the C2C reading for today. .Learning to focus on myself and allow others the dignity to live their lives without my judgment or criticism is a true gift of this program. I love that today I have learned to "examine " my motives so that I can truly act with love, compassion and empathy and not in a negative , controlling, self seeking manner as before. I hope you have a great day.
Iamhere said
Jan 18, 2017
Good morning and thanks Paul for your service and the daily. Thanks for the ESH Betty, andromeda and Paul as well. It's easy to keep the focus on me when things are going well....we have chaos and drama swirling all around and this is often when it gets tough for me....Like andromeda, I am working hard to pause and consider the best response and that is good enough, just for today.
My friend with cancer is not responding to treatment here. She's leaving town in a few days to consult with other doctors in another state. We are gathering tonight to send her off with as much love and support as we can. I'll be on the road this afternoon and evening as I have to meet up with them where I grew up...I ask you all to keep her in your thoughts and prayers!
Make it a great day! Off to a meeting in a while...
El said
Jan 18, 2017
Best wishes on your trip, IAH. Your friend is so fortunate to have others with her to provide the most support, love and positive energy possible!
This C2C message is very important to me as well. Although I don't feel I try to shield my AH from negative consequences......I do know that I make his life smoother by naturally taking over tasks he would rather not do. I enable in every day ways and I am trying to be more conscious of pulling back and letting him be an adult.
Very, very gray and gloomy here.....need a little sun! However, I will take advantage and curl up with some reading and a cup of soothing tea. I will make lemonade out of the lemons.
Enigmatic said
Jan 18, 2017
Many thanks Andromeda, hotrod, IAH and El for sharing ESH on this topic and the positive changes AlAnon guides us towards. Progress rather than perfection is a great teacher for me, good thing as I've never known perfection, haha...my setbacks are reminders of how I used to handle things full time, and incentive to return to a healthier way.
Hearing from others experiences is so encouraging and helpful, I am grateful to feel the camaraderie of the fellowship of like minded others who are sharing the journey, and witness the growth over time.
IAH, thoughts and prayers for you, your friend, and the group. Hope all feel the blessings this day brings, and the our higher power guides us through the rest. Peace...
Kim C said
Jan 18, 2017
"In AlAnon we learn:
·Not to create a crisis
·Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events."
wq I'm not too bad at not creating a crisis. In my recovery I am learning not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events. It is incredibly hard to just stand back and allow those natural and logical consequences to occur. As a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, I want to prevent those I love from experiencing anything unpleasant. I am learning and am experiencing the relief that goes with not having to "save" the people I love from themselves.
For one new member, AlAnon's suggestion to focus on self as the best way to help the alcoholic seemed heartless. They decided AlAnon was not a place for them...until hearing someone's realization that the best intentions to help the alcoholic often fail, but AlAnon helps us learn a better way to help.
Reflection on previous efforts to 'help' involved covering for the alcoholic financially and socially, all which actually shielded the alcoholic from consequences, but also learning opportunities. Additionally, why was there a feeling of desperation, eased only by 'helping' others? The member did some motive searching and realized it was their own feelings of anxiety they were trying to ease.
Today's Reminder: Am I offering help purely out of love, or are there other motives involved? Am I steering them to what I think is best? The outside perspective of a sponsor is invaluable in these situations. We are in our best position to help others when we focus first on getting ourselves in the most healthy place possible.
"In AlAnon we learn:
· Not to create a crisis
· Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events."- Detachment
***************
This is a powerful page and has been critical to my recovery. Focusing on my recovery made sense immediately as I reviewed my crazy attempts to 'help' my qualifier, but actually stepping back from interfering with her recovery was, and still is, very challenging.
As the page noted, it is my own anxiety that threatens to push me outside of my circle and into hers. With the guidance of AlAnon and consistent effort, I am better at recognizing where my own feelings are the source of my discomfort and pain and efforts to change others.
AlAnon reminds me to do this with love and compassion, not as a cold exclusion. Focus on my recovery is not selfish, but rather the best chance for my qualifier to find her own path and relationship with a higher power. Before AlAnon, I didn't even know this was possible; with it I have witnessed greater peace that this approach has brought to us both...I am very grateful
Good Morning Paul Thank you for your service and for sharing your wisdom regarding the C2C reading for today. .Learning to focus on myself and allow others the dignity to live their lives without my judgment or criticism is a true gift of this program. I love that today I have learned to "examine " my motives so that I can truly act with love, compassion and empathy and not in a negative , controlling, self seeking manner as before.
I hope you have a great day.
My friend with cancer is not responding to treatment here. She's leaving town in a few days to consult with other doctors in another state. We are gathering tonight to send her off with as much love and support as we can. I'll be on the road this afternoon and evening as I have to meet up with them where I grew up...I ask you all to keep her in your thoughts and prayers!
Make it a great day! Off to a meeting in a while...
Best wishes on your trip, IAH. Your friend is so fortunate to have others with her to provide the most support, love and positive energy possible!
This C2C message is very important to me as well. Although I don't feel I try to shield my AH from negative consequences......I do know that I make his life smoother by naturally taking over tasks he would rather not do. I enable in every day ways and I am trying to be more conscious of pulling back and letting him be an adult.
Very, very gray and gloomy here.....need a little sun! However, I will take advantage and curl up with some reading and a cup of soothing tea. I will make lemonade out of the lemons.
Hearing from others experiences is so encouraging and helpful, I am grateful to feel the camaraderie of the fellowship of like minded others who are sharing the journey, and witness the growth over time.
IAH, thoughts and prayers for you, your friend, and the group. Hope all feel the blessings this day brings, and the our higher power guides us through the rest. Peace...
"In AlAnon we learn:
· Not to create a crisis
· Not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events."
wq I'm not too bad at not creating a crisis. In my recovery I am learning not to prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events. It is incredibly hard to just stand back and allow those natural and logical consequences to occur. As a mom, a wife, a friend, a sister, I want to prevent those I love from experiencing anything unpleasant. I am learning and am experiencing the relief that goes with not having to "save" the people I love from themselves.
e