It has been a very long journey .. some extremely tiring and some invigorating .. probably some so not program that was both sides of that coin. 

I have learned a LOT in 5 years of trying to separate and divorce from the hot mess that is my XAH. I can't imagine getting marriage again .. I want to be in a position to walk out and not look back with no ties to anyone moving forward.  I know that is much easier without having kids together however the whole idea of co-mingling anything at this point is just enough to give me hives.  I do have a very good man in my life however just for today .. no marriage.  LOL.  I'm totally good and he laughs at how good I am over that although I do reserve the right to change my mind if I want to.   

There are some weird things going on at the moment that I am not 100% sure about however not my issue not my problem.  My XAH's behavior is definitely that of someone who is actively using based upon my experience with him.  I don't like it when he involves the kids in his mess.  Something we ran into was the issue that he gave out my daughters phone number without discussion with her as to what that meant .. he has no awareness of her as an individual person.  The idea that he's calling/texting obsessively during school hours as well as allowing strangers to do the same sent me up and over.  Honestly the only reason is that my daughter of few words over text sent me word vomit a very long text expressing how totally upset she was with her father and what the hell was wrong with him .. she even called him by his first name so I knew she was beyond irritated.  I sincerely doubt that vendor will call her number and when talking to my XAH be very clear that the next time they need a number stick to his or his current wife's .. there was zero reason for what happened and it caused my daughter tremendous stress.  Considering he never calls her and to pull this is again it's all about him.  This absolutely is he's actively using behavior.  I'm sure his wife let him have it with the settlement issue. 

My gf and I left on our trip back to Illinois (since oldest went with the last time I took youngest) and about 4 hours in got a phone call from my attorney.  My gf was seriously laughing when the call ended she was blown away by the fact a few things .. no one wants me IN town .. LOL ... now my friends who love and adore me of course they want me there .. attorney's and my XAH want me no where near Illinois .. LOL.  We both picked up on that part of the deal.  We had a good laugh though as we turned around not all the way out of Texas there was a part of me that wanted to keep going just to verify what my attorney said was true .. that was a little bit of a bugger.  I was pleased with the outcome.  Shocked he agreed to everything at the same time everything was locked and loaded .. he signed the decree .. he wanted to get married .. he did and it cost him.  This was his own fault of not reading the decree .. my attorney did do a few things right however boy did she screw some things up like 2 years after the decree was signed with the financials and we are still doing this .. lol .. seriously .. WTH .. well .. she's currently CYA"ing herself in a big way and looking to take a big loss .. I know she wants off the case and so does his attorney it's a bad deal for them both.  This is a case at it's longest should have taken 2 years .. it's been 5 almost to the day from the time he left to now. 

I have no doubt that when I blew into town on 12/12 that his attorney had that meeting with him and said .. we are going to court S is back in town and not happy is an understatement.  I know his attorney well enough that he would have outlined how this was going to go badly for him that he would wind up paying more and that at this point I had been reasonable however I'm done.  He would have also pointed out that XAH made decision and choices that adversely would affect the outcome .. cashing out the 401k that yes he split 50/50 however being a dumb ass that he is didn't take into consideration that I should have gotten the whole check not what he deemed I deserved .. he passed penalties along to me AND he violated the decree that was done.  Then there was the issue of hiding what he was making .. lol .. constantly does that and constantly gets in trouble for it.  Let's not even get into lying on the stand and the Judge already can't stand him over that and what he has done to the kids.  Especially after the settlement meeting that I heard his attorney call him a child support parent and just nail him about what he doesn't know about the kids.  Then turn around and take my agenda, as long as I live my mouth hangs open over that one .. lol!?  Most of all I see his attorney wanting out of this case because it really makes him look bad .. I mean bad from the incompetence level bad .. both of these attorney's have been made to look extremely foolish .. and not on purpose it's always the innocent questions I ask that gets everyone riled up and it's because I don't understand what's going on .. LOL!  So honestly .. imagine what I could do if I really knew what was going on?! 

So as that number continues to grow and it will be growing a lot this year with our oldest going to college, braces, glasses and so on .. he's going to be looking seriously crazy.  I really have to wonder what is happening currently inside their 4 walls .. yah whatever not program .. tell me that wouldn't be a reality show I would pay to watch just for the sheer train wreck of knowing the lies .. knowing how he plays .. and wondering if she really thinks she's that different. 

Ok .. so here's the total irony of the situation .. 1/6/2017 day judgment was entered, 1/9/2015 day Decree was signed and entered (yes 2 year diff almost to the day), 1/10/2015 anniversary of his new marriage going on 2 years .. lol.  1/12 his 50th birthday and there you have it .. hmm .. dark fantasies abound in the deep centers of my mind .. lol.  I still say the singing telegram is the best .. LOL!  I am still looking for the UOS .. and I will get that without question.  He won't have a choice and he will be forced to make payments the good news is I don't see his wife allowing him to quit his job because she is all about financial responsibility and she has her own agenda going on for what she wants to do.  I'm sure it doesn't include a lien on her property which I am sure is in his name as well.  It also doesn't include a few other options I have available.  Not my problem .. problem solved easily too .. pay out and we are so done.   

I do have some concerns about him .. I know him well enough to know that he's not ok right now and this is how Dateline gets their stories.  I don't care to run into him any time soon as in daughter's graduation will be to soon .. lol .. from college I should add.  Mentally .. he's not ok right now and even my daughter is making statements that this current behavior is that of his active addiction which is not good.  I really do need him to stay working .. LOL .. for a little while .. at least until I get the case to Texas.  I will let the Rangers have at him after that and if he doesn't want to work so be it. 

I am honestly every man's worst nightmare when it comes to divorce.  I guess I am that woman .. that woman who will not go down without swinging .. that woman who will always take a stand just to say wait a min .. no .. that's not ok and telling me it's ok .. won't make it ok.  I love it when people say let it all go .. seriously .. after what I have experienced the last 5 years it wouldn't have fed the kids or put a roof over their head.  This was the irony to me .. let it go so tax payers have to cover that expense is ok .. or is the person making those statements going to raise my kids, feed them, house them?  People really do need to stop and think before making statements like that because they don't deal with the consequences of the collateral damage that is left behind.  My credit will never be the same .. and I'm ok with that unfortunately I can't change it and probably won't ever be able to .. unless i happen to win the lotto.  it's not ok to hold the actual bio parent accountable.  I do understand where the guy is just a complete waste of space, no income or 50 kids and so on.  I get that .. different situation .. we are talking about someone who between him and his current wife make 6 figures .. so no .. I don't feel bad when I expect them to do for the kids .. I don't feel bad when I expect them to do what he would have been doing had we stayed together.  I feel badly for the current wife only because I know she is only aware of the truth according to the XAH.  There is only a smidge .. LOL .. who marries someone and has never met their kids .. who blindly turns an eye when visitation comes and goes and there are no kids attached .. how a man treats his first family (or more) says a LOT about how they will treat you in the long term.  So my pity for her is very minimal.  I do feel sorry for her because I see a whole cavern opening up shortly. 

So I am that woman.  The woman who refuses to back down in the face of adversity and the unpopular stance of holding the bio parent accountable.  You know what .. I'm ok with that.

Here's to the hope that it's almost over.  Finally I can let it go and move forward with my own life .. it's very exciting in spite of being lead down a very tarnished yellow brick road. 

Hugs S :)  

Not all strong women who stand up for themselves and what they believe in are b!*@"ches. I am glad to know you, glad to be an electronic friend. And proud of you.     linsc 

You are a strong woman who has fought for what you believe in and good for you. You have more courage than I had when I left my ex. I was a shell of a person and I was too busy manipulating my family as well so I never even asked for money to help raise my sons, then 6 months in Alanon and I asked and got something for a short while until they reached 16.

I think that maybe people have suggested 'letting go' because they care about you and if its Al anon people suggesting it then for me I know that one of my symptoms is compulsive obsessive type behavior and I can get lost in something, anything and this is part of my sickness and distracts me from living my life fully and from completely focusing on me and my own behavior, thoughts and actions so suggesting you let go could come from knowledge of this type of symptom. Not that this is going on with you but I know for me when I get my teeth into something I feel strongly about I can definately go into that obsessive way of thinking and I lose sight of all the facts within it. Im not sure this is making sense.

Although, I think about the slogan 'how important is it?' You have clearly deemed it as very important and I admire your determination, I also love your sense of justice and the desire for your family to get whats due to them. Only you know your true motives behind your actions and as ever in alanon more will be revealed as time goes on.

I hope it ends for your family soon because it sounds like a stressful drawn out process that cant be good for anyone concerned. You deserve some peace and serenity and clear path instead of your five yr battle, its  along time to be at war. This too shall pass Serenity and then I cant wait to see you go.x