I'd appreciate any suggestions about how to approach the following FTF meeting issues \ problems I'm encountering - I intend to bring the issues up in a Group Conscience, but any suggestions about how to do that effectively are welcome.
1 - sharings at meetings about problems completely unrelated to alcohol or addiction issues - things like non-alcoholic people at work bugging me, non-alcohol problems related to a "stupid" husband, troublesome medical issues \ diagnosis people are dealing with
2 - meeting leaders not stepping in to move the sharing on to the next person when one or more individuals go on, and on, and on, and on, and on - I see this as the leader not handling the situation appropriately - this also comes up when it's the leader that takes up the first half hour of the meeting "instructing" all of us about the topic for the meeting - and following up many of the sharings with a brief comment or additional info
3 - ending the meeting with The Lord's Prayer - by definition, the name of the prayer implies an endorsement of or association with a certain type of religion (Christianity), when the program is supposed to be spiritual versus religious - I'd prefer The Serenity Prayer or The Al Anon Declaration
Thanks in advance for any guidance.
hotrod said
Jan 3, 2017
Hi Texas Yankee, you certainly have compiled a list of infractions that should be addressed at a business meeting . I'm not quite sure how your group handles group conscious business meetings. So I will share how we do them here in New York City.
A business meeting is announced for the following week or two weeks in advance. It is suggested that members submit topics for the business meeting and then the meetings is held.
The first issue I see is that the responsibility of the chairperson or leader should be redefined. Possibly a motion that an announcement is made at the beginning of the meeting to only share on the meeting topic or other Al-Anon related topics is acceptable. Many of my meetings do this. Then if a person goes off-topic complaining about work in or a job situation, the chairperson can readily step in and redirect the share.
Having timeshares often ensures the fact that everybody gets chance to share. We have three-minute timed shares in my meetings and a spiritual timekeeper monitors the time. This might be a suggestion that you make.
Lastly, you can also make proposal that the Lord's prayer, which has religious connotations could be replaced with the serenity prayer.
Remember all of these issues must be voted on.Having the courage to put them out on the table is the first step. Good luck and let us know how it unfolds.
Iamhere said
Jan 3, 2017
Hey there Texasyankee - my experience here is similar to what Betty describes....we do have monthly business/group conscious meetings - scheduled in advance and all members know this and can do as you've done - put together discussion points.
We have an opening that is very long and has gone through a few changes since I've been there. In our opening though, we do cover discussing the topic at hand, limiting sharing to 3-5 minutes so all have an opportunity to share as well as cross-talk, etc. It's read at each meeting and there are still at times an offender/two. For the most part, our meetings go as planned and very well. So - maturity of the group, the group conscious and the consensus processes suggested work really, really well.
As far as the closing prayer, some groups here say the Lord's Prayer and other groups say the Serenity Prayer. Many who have a different HP than a Christian one just choose to hold hands and not recite the closing. I also know there are groups that have yet another/different opening/closing - so whatever the group conscious agrees on is typically accepted by the majority.
Neroli said
Jan 4, 2017
Hi Texas Yankee, here's my experience with the things you mentioned.
1. In my groups we have a lot of this kind of sharing. Usually some of the old-timers (time in alanon, not their age) will share about things that go on at work and other topics not related to alcohol and addiction. While it can be somewhat annoying when I'm in a horrible crisis and someone is sharing about how upset they are for gaining 10 pounds last month, I choose to view it as them "practicing the alanon principles in all their affairs". The 12 steps can be applied to non-addiction issues that we as co-dependents encounter. Some of the people in my groups are not living with the addiction issues any more, but they still have the experience from it. They can share about what they experienced when they were in my shoes, and I find it helpful. But they also get to share about their own current stuff, whatever that may be. Some of their current stuff is not very relevant to my problems yet those people often end up saying something I really needed to hear. So overall I can benefit from listening. And then I practice patience when I think that what they are sharing is not relevant.
2. So far this does not occur in my meetings. In the large group I attend we have a timer that goes off after 3 minutes. There is a separate time keeper who sets the timer, the leader does not have to deal with this except for announcing a 3 minute limit at the beginning and asking who will be the time keeper. In the smaller group I attend we all share for as long as we feel, but usually everyone gets plenty of time since there are fewer people. So it hasn't been an issue. Also want to say that in my meetings the leader does not spend time instructing us about the topic and very rarely follows up with a comment after people share. Our leaders change often, it's a rotating leadership, with some leaders who are almost beginners taking this role as part of their service to the group. Mostly they just read an opening and closing from a binder.
3. We end with the serenity prayer and the "works if you work it" chant.
texas yankee said
Jan 4, 2017
Thanks, all, for the feedback - I'm going to the group's next Business Meeting \ Group Conscience meeting and present my suggestions - I REALLY like the timer idea, and can't understand why I've never seen one before in any of the meetings I've gone to in 13 years.
I'd appreciate any suggestions about how to approach the following FTF meeting issues \ problems I'm encountering - I intend to bring the issues up in a Group Conscience, but any suggestions about how to do that effectively are welcome.
1 - sharings at meetings about problems completely unrelated to alcohol or addiction issues - things like non-alcoholic people at work bugging me, non-alcohol problems related to a "stupid" husband, troublesome medical issues \ diagnosis people are dealing with
2 - meeting leaders not stepping in to move the sharing on to the next person when one or more individuals go on, and on, and on, and on, and on - I see this as the leader not handling the situation appropriately - this also comes up when it's the leader that takes up the first half hour of the meeting "instructing" all of us about the topic for the meeting - and following up many of the sharings with a brief comment or additional info
3 - ending the meeting with The Lord's Prayer - by definition, the name of the prayer implies an endorsement of or association with a certain type of religion (Christianity), when the program is supposed to be spiritual versus religious - I'd prefer The Serenity Prayer or The Al Anon Declaration
Thanks in advance for any guidance.
We have an opening that is very long and has gone through a few changes since I've been there. In our opening though, we do cover discussing the topic at hand, limiting sharing to 3-5 minutes so all have an opportunity to share as well as cross-talk, etc. It's read at each meeting and there are still at times an offender/two. For the most part, our meetings go as planned and very well. So - maturity of the group, the group conscious and the consensus processes suggested work really, really well.
As far as the closing prayer, some groups here say the Lord's Prayer and other groups say the Serenity Prayer. Many who have a different HP than a Christian one just choose to hold hands and not recite the closing. I also know there are groups that have yet another/different opening/closing - so whatever the group conscious agrees on is typically accepted by the majority.
Hi Texas Yankee, here's my experience with the things you mentioned.
1. In my groups we have a lot of this kind of sharing. Usually some of the old-timers (time in alanon, not their age) will share about things that go on at work and other topics not related to alcohol and addiction. While it can be somewhat annoying when I'm in a horrible crisis and someone is sharing about how upset they are for gaining 10 pounds last month, I choose to view it as them "practicing the alanon principles in all their affairs". The 12 steps can be applied to non-addiction issues that we as co-dependents encounter. Some of the people in my groups are not living with the addiction issues any more, but they still have the experience from it. They can share about what they experienced when they were in my shoes, and I find it helpful. But they also get to share about their own current stuff, whatever that may be. Some of their current stuff is not very relevant to my problems yet those people often end up saying something I really needed to hear. So overall I can benefit from listening. And then I practice patience when I think that what they are sharing is not relevant.
2. So far this does not occur in my meetings. In the large group I attend we have a timer that goes off after 3 minutes. There is a separate time keeper who sets the timer, the leader does not have to deal with this except for announcing a 3 minute limit at the beginning and asking who will be the time keeper. In the smaller group I attend we all share for as long as we feel, but usually everyone gets plenty of time since there are fewer people. So it hasn't been an issue. Also want to say that in my meetings the leader does not spend time instructing us about the topic and very rarely follows up with a comment after people share. Our leaders change often, it's a rotating leadership, with some leaders who are almost beginners taking this role as part of their service to the group. Mostly they just read an opening and closing from a binder.
3. We end with the serenity prayer and the "works if you work it" chant.