Ok. So im a bit more mobile today and took great pleasure hobbling my crutches out the door. Still can't bend or lift anything including the babies which i really miss. Pain is constant but manageable and the spasms have dialled down to twitces. I think i can handle a chiropractor now and definitely need some straightening out.
Anyway as per the topic, i can feel myself getting emotional and so im going to write it out here.
Before the injury, the other half and i had been having major arguments about housework. my frustration was not having enough help. His argument was that nothing was organised and that if there was a magical (my word) system, there wouldn't be a need for repetition. We have three kids aged 5 3 and 2. Somehow according to his argument this magical system would eliminate the need to feed and clean up after the kids more than once a day. That magical system sounds like neglect to moi. Or alternatively a future goldmine. Anyway since ive been out of action i thought it mifht give him so insight into reality. And im sure it has but he will not admit it or allow himself to admit it. And its up to me now not to engage with the insanity which is hard for me because i literally can not stand mess and have spent the last hour hobbling around trying to tidy up the piles of crap tgat are growing about the place. Honestly i can't afford to fall now. And i can feel myself getting upset, because it seems so very hypocritical to criticise my apparent lack of organisation ( which is a lie, i am by neccesity an organised person with routines) while dropping stuff everywhere, and i am the one who picks it up and organises it as best i can. I know why im injured. I thought about it. Its common practice for me to haul 60 kgs 3-5 times a week, thats two kids in a pram with groceries. Then theres the furniture moving and the bending to pick ip after everyone every day. Then theres the 100 kilo tiles dumped on the front porch along with the metal rods, copper bits and bobs and salvaged crap bought back from construction sites and left where ever. I do so much physical work on a daily basis that now I've compromised my health. So i guess im really hurt that someone turns around, criticises my effort, then adds to my workload while denying he's a huge part of the problem. Its insanity and i know if i bring it up ill just compromise my serenity as well which is why I'm bringing it here. The thing is, i don't want to be a martyr but this stuff has to be done. So i don't kmow really what the solution is. I will try to ask nicely in the morning if all the stuff can be put away or thrown away. And the kids routines are way out with two of them starting school in a month. I must try to be patient? Thanks for listening.
hotrod said
Jan 1, 2017
Good morning Edna I can certainly idientify with what you shared and marvel at what a strong and competent woman, you are. I do believe this back pain is a wake-up call - so that you can review your actions and decide what to eliminate . Taking Babies out for a walk is important is is picking them up. Is it possible to have food delivered from the store ,and can you definitely assign responsibility for the tiles , metal rods and copper bits from the construction site to you construction workers , who deposited them there or for your partner.
I believe you can just do so much and the recent back incident proved this . Remember:" what other people think of me is none of my business" - asset and gratitude lists point out that you are hard working dedicated woman, and in no way slack off on any of your chores. Anytime you are criticized in the future validate this fact. Then move on.
Plese take care of yourself and remember validating yourself helps
Iamhere said
Jan 1, 2017
(((a4l))) - I can so relate to what you share. I'm an anal person and do think/process/focus better when things are orderly. My AH is not and is very much disorganized in how he lives and how he functions. Many, many moons ago, I hired a house cleaning firm. The owner, male, came to look at the home and to quote the service. Long story short, he explained that men walk into a room, and look at it from the bottom up. Women walk into a room, and look from the top down. Essentially, his point was that men do not see the same things we do, especially dust, clutter, chaos that's above the ground level. He suggested he preferred to hire women to clean, and when men were on staff, they more often than not were responsible for vacuuming, sweeping, etc.
This rang true for my home and circumstance....my husband would vacuum a floor and consider a room clean. Where as I would walk in, and see the nice carpet after seeing all the other crapola at waist, eye, face level. It took me many, many years (before program) to figure out a way to just be grateful for any effort he applied as I have figured out that we all view what's important so differently. On the backside of raising my children, I honestly wish I had cleaned/organized way less and played, laughed and relaxed a lot more.
It's difficult still for me to ignore the messes/clutter that exists, but I've used Betty's often suggested gratitude lists and asset lists to help with my anxiety/attitude about it all. I've also given up my incessant desire for clean/orderly/close to perfect home and instead view it as our living/loving place. Be gentle with you - it's a process just like everything else. Please take care of you and let you heal - the rest will be 'there' waiting when it's the right time.
(((Hugs)))
milkwood said
Jan 1, 2017
Good to hear that your pain is less than it was and so pleased that you shared that frustration here - I am the same. When my husband hoovers he leaves the hoover out in the middle of the floor so it is ready and to hand for the next time - arragh!!!
As I read your post I found myself wanting to hire a gardener to bring over a few large flower pots, planted up with beautiful things, to put in place of those tiles and metal rods! It sounds as if this horrible back pain might be offering lessons for you both. Take it easy on yourself and keep getting better. ((((Hugs))))
a4l said
Jan 1, 2017
Merci and thank you ladies. Great minds Milkwood: i bought some pots, painted them and potted palms, lavender. I planted sunflowers and geranium and corn. I hauled those tiles, rods and bits and bobs away. I bought a little white cane seat and painted an old metal and glass table. I hung pretty little lantern lights and everytime i stepped out the door or came home i felt happy. It was so pretty. It did not work as a man deterrent however and it broke my heart to see it get messed with so i hauled all the pots to the back yard and gave up. Moving the new lot of junk and tidying up the porch was the last extra job i did before the injury.
I've actually enjoyed the little house projects I've undertaken. We live in an old house and in true alanoner fashion, i see its potential lol! The walls were/are awful, warping in places and peeling paint. The kitchen was quite depressing. But i painted an old freestanding cupboard with a distressed white finish and bought this amazing super cheap marble contact paper from kmart and covered the walls and benches with it
It feels lighter and is a nice space to eat in now. I also covered the bath tub which was peeling and hideous and now its kind of cheerful.
I hope work picks up this year, paid work that is, because i think its time i saved up for a house deposit. New goals.
Betty, thank you for supporting the importance of self validation. Yes and yes and yes. I don't need to chase carrots, im not a rabbit. Im Edna! Smiles.
And Iamhere, thanks also. I wouldn't regret not cleaning. its hard to play in a mess. though yes point taken.
I feel much better. I thank you all very much from the safe space of my daughters bed, with the lovely little ones playing next to me on the passable floor.
Ok. So im a bit more mobile today and took great pleasure hobbling my crutches out the door. Still can't bend or lift anything including the babies which i really miss. Pain is constant but manageable and the spasms have dialled down to twitces. I think i can handle a chiropractor now and definitely need some straightening out.
Anyway as per the topic, i can feel myself getting emotional and so im going to write it out here.
Before the injury, the other half and i had been having major arguments about housework. my frustration was not having enough help. His argument was that nothing was organised and that if there was a magical (my word) system, there wouldn't be a need for repetition. We have three kids aged 5 3 and 2. Somehow according to his argument this magical system would eliminate the need to feed and clean up after the kids more than once a day. That magical system sounds like neglect to moi. Or alternatively a future goldmine. Anyway since ive been out of action i thought it mifht give him so insight into reality. And im sure it has but he will not admit it or allow himself to admit it. And its up to me now not to engage with the insanity which is hard for me because i literally can not stand mess and have spent the last hour hobbling around trying to tidy up the piles of crap tgat are growing about the place. Honestly i can't afford to fall now. And i can feel myself getting upset, because it seems so very hypocritical to criticise my apparent lack of organisation ( which is a lie, i am by neccesity an organised person with routines) while dropping stuff everywhere, and i am the one who picks it up and organises it as best i can. I know why im injured. I thought about it. Its common practice for me to haul 60 kgs 3-5 times a week, thats two kids in a pram with groceries. Then theres the furniture moving and the bending to pick ip after everyone every day. Then theres the 100 kilo tiles dumped on the front porch along with the metal rods, copper bits and bobs and salvaged crap bought back from construction sites and left where ever. I do so much physical work on a daily basis that now I've compromised my health. So i guess im really hurt that someone turns around, criticises my effort, then adds to my workload while denying he's a huge part of the problem. Its insanity and i know if i bring it up ill just compromise my serenity as well which is why I'm bringing it here. The thing is, i don't want to be a martyr but this stuff has to be done. So i don't kmow really what the solution is. I will try to ask nicely in the morning if all the stuff can be put away or thrown away. And the kids routines are way out with two of them starting school in a month. I must try to be patient? Thanks for listening.
Good morning Edna I can certainly idientify with what you shared and marvel at what a strong and competent woman, you are. I do believe this back pain is a wake-up call - so that you can review your actions and decide what to eliminate . Taking Babies out for a walk is important is is picking them up. Is it possible to have food delivered from the store ,and can you definitely assign responsibility for the tiles , metal rods and copper bits from the construction site to you construction workers , who deposited them there or for your partner.
I believe you can just do so much and the recent back incident proved this . Remember:" what other people think of me is none of my business" - asset and gratitude lists point out that you are hard working dedicated woman, and in no way slack off on any of your chores. Anytime you are criticized in the future validate this fact. Then move on.
Plese take care of yourself and remember validating yourself helps
This rang true for my home and circumstance....my husband would vacuum a floor and consider a room clean. Where as I would walk in, and see the nice carpet after seeing all the other crapola at waist, eye, face level. It took me many, many years (before program) to figure out a way to just be grateful for any effort he applied as I have figured out that we all view what's important so differently. On the backside of raising my children, I honestly wish I had cleaned/organized way less and played, laughed and relaxed a lot more.
It's difficult still for me to ignore the messes/clutter that exists, but I've used Betty's often suggested gratitude lists and asset lists to help with my anxiety/attitude about it all. I've also given up my incessant desire for clean/orderly/close to perfect home and instead view it as our living/loving place. Be gentle with you - it's a process just like everything else. Please take care of you and let you heal - the rest will be 'there' waiting when it's the right time.
(((Hugs)))
As I read your post I found myself wanting to hire a gardener to bring over a few large flower pots, planted up with beautiful things, to put in place of those tiles and metal rods! It sounds as if this horrible back pain might be offering lessons for you both. Take it easy on yourself and keep getting better. ((((Hugs))))
I've actually enjoyed the little house projects I've undertaken. We live in an old house and in true alanoner fashion, i see its potential lol! The walls were/are awful, warping in places and peeling paint. The kitchen was quite depressing. But i painted an old freestanding cupboard with a distressed white finish and bought this amazing super cheap marble contact paper from kmart and covered the walls and benches with it
It feels lighter and is a nice space to eat in now. I also covered the bath tub which was peeling and hideous and now its kind of cheerful.
I hope work picks up this year, paid work that is, because i think its time i saved up for a house deposit. New goals.
Betty, thank you for supporting the importance of self validation. Yes and yes and yes. I don't need to chase carrots, im not a rabbit. Im Edna! Smiles.
And Iamhere, thanks also. I wouldn't regret not cleaning. its hard to play in a mess. though yes point taken.
I feel much better. I thank you all very much from the safe space of my daughters bed, with the lovely little ones playing next to me on the passable floor.