I made a huge mistake and took my abf home with me-9 hour drive to my hometown. The last trip I will ever, ever take with him. We made the drive over two days there and back. He was drunk and it was hell...I mean hell. I just about got into a car accident on the highway as he went ballistic on me, and I was driving. We got a hotel room after 5 hours of driving and going through hell on wheels. I had to escape-and went and got myself another hotel room. I did not care about the money, my sanity was at the breaking point. He stopped the car, (threw the car into park while on the highway, stopped the car by grabbing the ignition keys and stopping it) while on the highway..it was very, very scary! It was hell! I mean Hell inside the car-screaming, yelling, swearing, hitting, grabbing, you name it, it happened. This happened for 5 hours until we got to the hotel room and he continued to be hell. I had to run out of the room and get my own hotel room. The plan was to take him back to the city the next day but he sobered up and decided to continue. He started drinking after we got to my mothers home and that was hell. My mothers bf totally flipped on him bad and he got so scared, I mean scared of the bf and the next 2 days did not drink. On the 3rd and 4th day he was drunk and the madness started again. He embarrassed me so bad in front of my family (we were way out in the country and had no internet, no place to go, the town is 30 minutes drive to my sister's and mother's home and he would not let me take his car, and kept the keys with him at all times), so my sister, her bf mother and her bf and the rest of the family tolerated him as best as they could. I had Christmas dinner and everyone was sober and he was drunk, it was so embarrassing. Had Christmas dinner, without him present, as he was left with my mothers bf, and then he showed up at my sisters where Christmas dinner was. It was unreal, I had to get the heck out before I flipped and lost my own mind. We started the drive back to our city-Christmas day, at 6 pm...9 hour drive and we fought, fought for 5 hours straight till we got a hotel. I told him very clearly, I will not spend any time with him and got myself a hotel room. I had rest at last. The next day, he was crying and so ashamed of his behavior and begged me not to leave him. He went to a AA meeting yesterday. He is very sick but I also know and he knows I will not tolerate BS much more. I am taking actions to protect myself. We are now back home and I do not know what the future brings. All I know is I will never, never ever go anywhere with him on a holiday again! He ruined that for me. I also will never, ever take him back to see my family again. He ruined that with his sick behavior as my family never want to see him again and they were very clear with me about that. Never bring him home again, NEVER!
I now am being disowned by my family because of him. I am disgusted with myself for being with him. He is a complete looser. I am still angry and very, very hurt!
I can just take it one day at a time now! God help me!
I had to share this as I learned a huge lesson... do things myself, and alone if I have to..do not involve him at all...
savingmyself said
Dec 29, 2016
I'm sorry to hear what you went through over the holiday. One thing you said struck me as something you may want to consider further... you said you believes he knows you won't take much more. I challenge you to consider the probable fact (based solely on your posts from the past several months since I've joined this forum) that he knows you will take it all - no matter what - bc you always have. Bc you continue to. Bc you got an apartment supposedly to leave but didn't. On and on... I am in no way telling you what to do or judging your actions as right or wrong - just thought worth considering an outside (male) perspective especially on that issue.
KennyFenderjazz said
Dec 29, 2016
Hi Joker,
Alcoholism forces us to make choices we don't want to have to. The key for me is always that a choice is made by me, consciously, without letting the default just be the subconscious choice.
It sounds like you will be forced to make the family vs the alcoholic choice. I have not had to make that one, but many here have. I hope you do it consciously, working through steps with a sponsor is a great way to do this.
Kenny
Iamhere said
Dec 30, 2016
(((Joker))) - sending you positive thoughts and prayers. It's just never easy to love an alcoholic and I love what Kenny states. When I have to make choices, I work as best I can to make them for me and about me.
I made a huge mistake and took my abf home with me-9 hour drive to my hometown. The last trip I will ever, ever take with him. We made the drive over two days there and back. He was drunk and it was hell...I mean hell. I just about got into a car accident on the highway as he went ballistic on me, and I was driving. We got a hotel room after 5 hours of driving and going through hell on wheels. I had to escape-and went and got myself another hotel room. I did not care about the money, my sanity was at the breaking point. He stopped the car, (threw the car into park while on the highway, stopped the car by grabbing the ignition keys and stopping it) while on the highway..it was very, very scary! It was hell! I mean Hell inside the car-screaming, yelling, swearing, hitting, grabbing, you name it, it happened. This happened for 5 hours until we got to the hotel room and he continued to be hell. I had to run out of the room and get my own hotel room. The plan was to take him back to the city the next day but he sobered up and decided to continue. He started drinking after we got to my mothers home and that was hell. My mothers bf totally flipped on him bad and he got so scared, I mean scared of the bf and the next 2 days did not drink. On the 3rd and 4th day he was drunk and the madness started again. He embarrassed me so bad in front of my family (we were way out in the country and had no internet, no place to go, the town is 30 minutes drive to my sister's and mother's home and he would not let me take his car, and kept the keys with him at all times), so my sister, her bf mother and her bf and the rest of the family tolerated him as best as they could. I had Christmas dinner and everyone was sober and he was drunk, it was so embarrassing. Had Christmas dinner, without him present, as he was left with my mothers bf, and then he showed up at my sisters where Christmas dinner was. It was unreal, I had to get the heck out before I flipped and lost my own mind. We started the drive back to our city-Christmas day, at 6 pm...9 hour drive and we fought, fought for 5 hours straight till we got a hotel. I told him very clearly, I will not spend any time with him and got myself a hotel room. I had rest at last. The next day, he was crying and so ashamed of his behavior and begged me not to leave him. He went to a AA meeting yesterday. He is very sick but I also know and he knows I will not tolerate BS much more. I am taking actions to protect myself. We are now back home and I do not know what the future brings. All I know is I will never, never ever go anywhere with him on a holiday again! He ruined that for me. I also will never, ever take him back to see my family again. He ruined that with his sick behavior as my family never want to see him again and they were very clear with me about that. Never bring him home again, NEVER!
I now am being disowned by my family because of him. I am disgusted with myself for being with him. He is a complete looser. I am still angry and very, very hurt!
I can just take it one day at a time now! God help me!
I had to share this as I learned a huge lesson... do things myself, and alone if I have to..do not involve him at all...
Alcoholism forces us to make choices we don't want to have to. The key for me is always that a choice is made by me, consciously, without letting the default just be the subconscious choice.
It sounds like you will be forced to make the family vs the alcoholic choice. I have not had to make that one, but many here have. I hope you do it consciously, working through steps with a sponsor is a great way to do this.
Kenny