My mother called me yesterday, and launched into about an hour of why everyone is against her and she hates christmas and she's the one who makes all of the effort for my grandmother and yet she's the one my grandmother picks on (which is actually 100% true), and it's all unfair and no-one can see how unfair it is and so on and so forth.
Now usually we conduct this annual conversational tradition on Christmas Day, where mother tells me her ills all morning, and on the way there, and then stays close to me all day nudging me and saying 'see? see? Did you see the look she just gave me? And no-one has even touched the desert I made; do you know how much it cost me to make that? Do you?" and I nod and let her vent because to be fair, she's right; it's all true, and she only does it once a year. I never have the money to buy her much of a gift so maybe letting her unload on me can be considered my gift to her, lol.
Anyway I won't see her on Christmas Day this year which I guess is why she had to do it over the phone this time. lol. I wonder if it makes her feel better or worse ultimately?
The sad, or amusing part (depending on how you look at it) is, when this phone call ended, I marched into the kitchen to tell daughter about it and 15 minutes later, realised that I was ranting at her about how Grandma rants at me every christmas about her mother and....yes, the absurdity struck me. i apologised, laughed, and made a very large mental note to not do that again.
It's easier to see these behaviours now, and I like that rather than becoming upset or making a big deal of it I can stop, take a breath, laugh at myself and "reset". I didn't know how to do that before and probably would have seen what i was doing and then gotten even more upset or tried to justify it or....well it makes me grateful for this program and all of the little ways in which it makes daily interactions easier and more enjoyable.
Love to all anyway and I hope everyone has a serene Christmas
(((Everyone)))
hotrod said
Dec 23, 2016
Great share Ms. M. This program is such a gift in so many small unimaginable ways. Having the "Courage to Change" by keeping the focus on ourselves and eliminating gossip and blame is a huge step in a healthy direction.
DavidG said
Dec 24, 2016
MissM wrote:
Love to all anyway and I hope everyone has a serene Christmas
Thanks Mel... ...
You described a ritual my mum enacted too, around my grandmother!!!!
The real Christmas must be about fun, and kids, and giving, and kindness...!!!
Hope y'all have a nice day!!!
Jerry F said
Dec 24, 2016
Melekalikimaka Mel and thanks for that recovery gift to "not do that again". I need the reminders of what not to do as well as the ones I need to do in order to maintain my serenity and sanity.
Bless my wife's heart and my Higher Power for the guidance as my wife fulfilled the aloha Christmas spirit this year I thought I would skip because she wasn't in the mood. I came back from my morning home group and she was at hers. When she came home she was sad and solemn as one of her sponsees and friends is leaving the islands to go back to Colorado and a 2nd intensive cancer care treatment. She doesn't know her future and my wife doesn't either and all I could do was interject the subject of HP's will versus ours and left the kitchen for a moment. When I got back she had 3 cans of Christmas cookies on the table to be taken to the neighbors as gifts. That is so pleasing to my spirit as my spirit has been nurtured so much by others I sometimes get concerned that I will not repay the gratitude. Our morning subject was giving back for what has been given to us. The recovery merry-go-round. Mahalo Akua....Thank you God. (((((hugs)))))
My mother called me yesterday, and launched into about an hour of why everyone is against her and she hates christmas and she's the one who makes all of the effort for my grandmother and yet she's the one my grandmother picks on (which is actually 100% true), and it's all unfair and no-one can see how unfair it is and so on and so forth.
Now usually we conduct this annual conversational tradition on Christmas Day, where mother tells me her ills all morning, and on the way there, and then stays close to me all day nudging me and saying 'see? see? Did you see the look she just gave me? And no-one has even touched the desert I made; do you know how much it cost me to make that? Do you?" and I nod and let her vent because to be fair, she's right; it's all true, and she only does it once a year. I never have the money to buy her much of a gift so maybe letting her unload on me can be considered my gift to her, lol.
Anyway I won't see her on Christmas Day this year which I guess is why she had to do it over the phone this time. lol. I wonder if it makes her feel better or worse ultimately?
The sad, or amusing part (depending on how you look at it) is, when this phone call ended, I marched into the kitchen to tell daughter about it and 15 minutes later, realised that I was ranting at her about how Grandma rants at me every christmas about her mother and....yes, the absurdity struck me. i apologised, laughed, and made a very large mental note to not do that again.
It's easier to see these behaviours now, and I like that rather than becoming upset or making a big deal of it I can stop, take a breath, laugh at myself and "reset". I didn't know how to do that before and probably would have seen what i was doing and then gotten even more upset or tried to justify it or....well it makes me grateful for this program and all of the little ways in which it makes daily interactions easier and more enjoyable.
Love to all anyway and I hope everyone has a serene Christmas
(((Everyone)))
Thanks Mel...
...
You described a ritual my mum enacted too, around my grandmother!!!!
The real Christmas must be about fun, and kids, and giving, and kindness...!!!
Hope y'all have a nice day!!!
Melekalikimaka Mel and thanks for that recovery gift to "not do that again". I need the reminders of what not to do as well as the ones I need to do in order to maintain my serenity and sanity.
Bless my wife's heart and my Higher Power for the guidance as my wife fulfilled the aloha Christmas spirit this year I thought I would skip because she wasn't in the mood. I came back from my morning home group and she was at hers. When she came home she was sad and solemn as one of her sponsees and friends is leaving the islands to go back to Colorado and a 2nd intensive cancer care treatment. She doesn't know her future and my wife doesn't either and all I could do was interject the subject of HP's will versus ours and left the kitchen for a moment. When I got back she had 3 cans of Christmas cookies on the table to be taken to the neighbors as gifts. That is so pleasing to my spirit as my spirit has been nurtured so much by others I sometimes get concerned that I will not repay the gratitude. Our morning subject was giving back for what has been given to us. The recovery merry-go-round. Mahalo Akua....Thank you God. (((((hugs)))))