Hey all, Just venting a little...since it is my not so favorite time of year again...and I am sure it is the same for a lot of people. Al Anon has helped me live reasonably well with an Active A. However and you know there has to be a however in there..... the horrible last 6 weeks of the year is still a struggle. I do what I can to take care of me during this time of year, using all my tools, the steps...etc....yet i still feel so defeated...and I know this is kind of the norm.....I have no expectations for it to be different. ......So I am trying to come up with something to distract me from this feeling of being defeated. It has to be something different from what I normally do the rest of the year.....just cannot figure out what it is yet.
I have learned in the last 16 months that feeling defeated is what got me here in the first place only now it cannot get me down as far as it has in the past..Its not a good feeling either. I boxed up my give up towel a yr ago swearing I will never let it out again. I just get tired ...so so tired...of watching what is happening before my eyes... Sometimes he tries, he really tries...but will try it alone, and i refuse to tell him he cannot do it alone, because I know he will say then help me do it and I know I cannot. ...... I wonder if he will ever figure that out. Anyway...like i said, im just venting....in just a few more weeks it will be over and things will slow down again. or not......LOL...(no expectations)
Thanks for listening...
Dabra
hotrod said
Dec 11, 2016
Dabra It is a difficult road that we travel. Please keep using alanon tools , keep the focus on yourself and protect your serenity by detaching, reciting the serenity prayer and practicing the first 3 Steps.
Prayers and positive thoughts on the way.
El said
Dec 11, 2016
I hear you about the struggle being even greater this time of year. Hard to turn the volume down, as everything is cranked up to the max for everyone.
I have been trying to use it to my advantage. I use the excuse/ reason to leave the room to: wrap gifts, organize gifts, maybe bake a little, anything to get me out of close proximity, keep me busy and feeling productive. It certainly doesn't fill in a full 6 weeks, and it doesn't take away the hurt of what we are seeing, hearing, and dealing with.....but I will use whatever I can to help me detach.
My AH used to try to "cut back" but we know that is short lived and doesn't do much anyway. Now I just see his disease progressing and I have to concentrate on my own recovery or I will go down with that burning ship.
Keep reading here ; I get so much out of the posts! You are definitely not alone with this.
Ellen
Iamhere said
Dec 11, 2016
Hey girl....I hear you and also totally understand. I swear that there is something about the holiday season that just brings out a whole new element of insanity in so, so many folks. I too try things different to see what happens and it's been an interesting part of my journey. What does seem to help me is walking the walk of this program - which means....I do one day at a time and when folks try to drag me forward or backward, I just keep coming back to the here and now.
I also do the asset and gratitude lists daily or every other. It helps as does extra meetings, service work and talking/fellowship with trusted program friends. Know that we are here for you as best we can be and that you are not alone!
Hey all, Just venting a little...since it is my not so favorite time of year again...and I am sure it is the same for a lot of people. Al Anon has helped me live reasonably well with an Active A. However and you know there has to be a however in there.....
the horrible last 6 weeks of the year is still a struggle. I do what I can to take care of me during this time of year, using all my tools, the steps...etc....yet i still feel so defeated...and I know this is kind of the norm.....I have no expectations for it to be different. ......So I am trying to come up with something to distract me from this feeling of being defeated. It has to be something different from what I normally do the rest of the year.....just cannot figure out what it is yet.
I have learned in the last 16 months that feeling defeated is what got me here in the first place only now it cannot get me down as far as it has in the past..Its not a good feeling either. I boxed up my give up towel a yr ago swearing I will never let it out again. I just get tired ...so so tired...of watching what is happening before my eyes... Sometimes he tries, he really tries...but will try it alone, and i refuse to tell him he cannot do it alone, because I know he will say then help me do it and I know I cannot. ...... I wonder if he will ever figure that out. Anyway...like i said, im just venting....in just a few more weeks it will be over and things will slow down again. or not......LOL...(no expectations)
Thanks for listening...
Dabra
Prayers and positive thoughts on the way.
I hear you about the struggle being even greater this time of year. Hard to turn the volume down, as everything is cranked up to the max for everyone.
I have been trying to use it to my advantage. I use the excuse/ reason to leave the room to: wrap gifts, organize gifts, maybe bake a little, anything to get me out of close proximity, keep me busy and feeling productive. It certainly doesn't fill in a full 6 weeks, and it doesn't take away the hurt of what we are seeing, hearing, and dealing with.....but I will use whatever I can to help me detach.
My AH used to try to "cut back" but we know that is short lived and doesn't do much anyway. Now I just see his disease progressing and I have to concentrate on my own recovery or I will go down with that burning ship.
Keep reading here ; I get so much out of the posts! You are definitely not alone with this.
Ellen
I also do the asset and gratitude lists daily or every other. It helps as does extra meetings, service work and talking/fellowship with trusted program friends. Know that we are here for you as best we can be and that you are not alone!
(((Hugs))) my friend!