Thank goodness for Alanon, because it is getting really ugly in my neck of the woods. My MIL has been diagnosed with advanced cancer and has maybe 3 months left. As would be expected, this brings up a lot of emotion, history, anxiety and dread.
As my AH and sibs were brought up in an A home, the dysfunction is pretty high for all of them. Believe me when I say, this is bringing out the worst in my husband. It is dredging up anger (more than his normal); he is constantly pissed at his sibs; not even very nice to his dying mother!
His drinking must be on the rise.....not in front of me......because he is sleeping a lot, acting confused, a general sense of overwhelment and basically looks like hell!
I have been patient and supportive because I do understand. However, it's only been a couple of weeks. It is only going to get worse! Last night when I was tired and was sooooooo sick of his tirades.....I told him he better get his act together! We just started this journey with his mom; its only begun. It is time to stop carrying on about his sibs, step up, man up, grow up!
He actually became speechless and said he understood; he got it.
I said my piece and I now need to detach and let him process however he will. I am going to have to dive into program very strongly to come through and go through in a supportive, yet unscathed way. I am so grateful for Alanon!
deacon said
Dec 9, 2016
Having been through this with both parents and a brother, my thoughts go out to you. Losing a loved one, watching them slip away bit by bit, can bring out the most amazing behavior both good and bad. I watched some siblings step up to the plate and give all in compassion and support and others slide off to the side because it was just too much for them to handle emotionally.
I am so glad you have the tools to deal with this because it is an exhausting, draining journey. He needed to hear what you said and you are now so wise to detach and let them mull things over. God bless you and give you the strength to get through this.
hotrod said
Dec 9, 2016
This is a difficult time all around I am sorry that you are experiencing the prospect of this loss. I think you did" say what you mean and meant what you said "and Hubby heard -- Good work El. Positive thoughts and prayers going out to you and the family.
Maresie25 said
Dec 9, 2016
Grim news indeed. I can understand your grief and foreboding
My own mother's death was traumatic.
My family was terribly dysfunctional. That death brought up a lot for my them boyfriend about his father's death.
You are so wise to see the big picture
I knew my mother's death was going to be difficult. I had no tools and very little support. I had no ability to detach them. Now I have honed it my life is so much easier
Maresie45
Iamhere said
Dec 9, 2016
(((El))) - so very sorry for the news and how the disease is coming alive in the middle. Loss and grief are so very, very hard to accept - I'm sending you tons of prayers and positive thoughts. I am hopeful that you can continue doing what you're doing with your program and your daily efforts - it will serve you and he well.
I had the exact same experience with my oldest son last night. He's got some self-created heavy-duty life events happening for him and is so very lost, angry and sick...I told him I was sorry for the pain but he really needs to man up, grow up and do the next right thing.
You are not alone!
El said
Dec 9, 2016
Thanks to you all for the support and wisdom.
As IAH mentioned in another post, the holidays alone bring up so much anxiety. So, we are in a perfect storm so to speak. I have to remember ODAT and PAUSE.
IAH, I am sorry for your son's pain and how it can't help but affect you. That's why we are so grateful for our program- it is the lifeboat in that storm.
(((Hugs)))
Calm Lady said
Dec 9, 2016
Sorry to read your news. Positive thoughts and prayers to you.
Thank goodness for Alanon, because it is getting really ugly in my neck of the woods. My MIL has been diagnosed with advanced cancer and has maybe 3 months left. As would be expected, this brings up a lot of emotion, history, anxiety and dread.
As my AH and sibs were brought up in an A home, the dysfunction is pretty high for all of them. Believe me when I say, this is bringing out the worst in my husband. It is dredging up anger (more than his normal); he is constantly pissed at his sibs; not even very nice to his dying mother!
His drinking must be on the rise.....not in front of me......because he is sleeping a lot, acting confused, a general sense of overwhelment and basically looks like hell!
I have been patient and supportive because I do understand. However, it's only been a couple of weeks. It is only going to get worse! Last night when I was tired and was sooooooo sick of his tirades.....I told him he better get his act together! We just started this journey with his mom; its only begun. It is time to stop carrying on about his sibs, step up, man up, grow up!
He actually became speechless and said he understood; he got it.
I said my piece and I now need to detach and let him process however he will. I am going to have to dive into program very strongly to come through and go through in a supportive, yet unscathed way. I am so grateful for Alanon!
I am so glad you have the tools to deal with this because it is an exhausting, draining journey. He needed to hear what you said and you are now so wise to detach and let them mull things over. God bless you and give you the strength to get through this.
This is a difficult time all around I am sorry that you are experiencing the prospect of this loss. I think you did" say what you mean and meant what you said "and Hubby heard -- Good work El.
Positive thoughts and prayers going out to you and the family.
I had the exact same experience with my oldest son last night. He's got some self-created heavy-duty life events happening for him and is so very lost, angry and sick...I told him I was sorry for the pain but he really needs to man up, grow up and do the next right thing.
You are not alone!
Thanks to you all for the support and wisdom.
As IAH mentioned in another post, the holidays alone bring up so much anxiety. So, we are in a perfect storm so to speak. I have to remember ODAT and PAUSE.
IAH, I am sorry for your son's pain and how it can't help but affect you. That's why we are so grateful for our program- it is the lifeboat in that storm.
(((Hugs)))