I know this is kind of whingy but it's making me miserable lately and seems to be my ever present woe so, maybe if I share it, it will get smaller. Sometimes it works that way.
Seems like many people have walked the same path as me and separated and then moved on with someone new and things are wonderful..in fact it seems to be a pattern for everyone except me..
I think it must be 4 years now since there was any kind of closeness or intimacy in my life? The last couple of years with abf, we slept in separate rooms, and the entire "relationship" was about avoiding him as much as possible and trying to work out how to get away. Then I moved out alone and I've spent the last 2 years really, really alone and really isolated; he and I kept in contact via skype and phone on and off and spent a couple of days together every couple of months at most. We ceased that maybe 9 months ago and after getting together for our birthday 5 months ago, we broke up and basically haven't seen each other since. So I've been more or less single for a long, long time now.
It feels quite desolate at this point. I can't see or imagine any way in which I could ever meet anyone; my world seems to just grow exponentially ever smaller. Maybe next year I'll get to go to proper classes if daughter is on track and it's workable; then, each class has maybe 2 males to 28 females and they're all in their early 20's so...not really.
I've been on my own for a long time and I really don't have much in the way of conversational skills anymore and I'm getting very "old and grumpy", I am used to being alone and have not a lot of patience for people and quite of lot of it is bitterness I think.
Funny thing is, my grandmother lost her AH when she was my age (he was pretty awful) and she stayed single and when I was growing up, I thought that was so sad and terrible and always wished she would find someone. She never did. She lived through a violet alcoholic marriage and then she just raised her kids and stayed alone. She's very bitter and hates men passionately. Now here I am, living the same life. I don't see a way out of it; it seems to become more and more set in stone every day.
Bugs me because pretty much the only thing I ever really cared about was making a family and making them no.1; I never cared much whether we had money or fancy whatnots, I just wanted to love and value the people i my life and have them do the same back and first husband left me with a baby, and then 10 years later I had to leave ABF because it was miserable and abusive and life or death basically.
I can tell myself a million things about how if I stay positive and do the next right thing then this or that might happen but to be honest I feel like I am just getting older, and grumpier, and pickier, and less tolerant, and I don't have the energy or enthusiasm to try to be interesting or attractive, and everything I do is overshadowed with this growing certainty that this is pretty much it. Me and my books alone in a room until the end.
I know, it's not very positive or uplifting, sorry for that but it's really getting to be an unbearable kind of certainty recently. I seem to become more alone every day. I don't much like it.
Thanks for letting me whinge.
Fooled said
Dec 4, 2016
Thanks for your honest share MissM. I often felt bitter and whiney because it seemed like I couldn't get away from the Alcoholism. My grandfather, my father, my exAH, and now my current RAH, and my AS. I was mad at my HP and myself for putting me in this situation over and over again. I lived in a world of self pity and bitterness until I came to realize that I was chosen by my HP for this. By constantly turning it over to my HP I was fulfilling his purpose for me and I will obtain his promise for me-whatever that is- in the end. I had to stop looking around the corner at what was down the road and possibly not liking it and trust that my HP would take care of me. I still catch myself peeking but I try not to be afraid of what I see. Hugs and prayers for you right now.
YARNCRAZY said
Dec 4, 2016
3 MISERABLE MARRIAGES AND LAST ONE THE MOST ABUSIVE LASTING 25 YRS, I THOUGHT I WAS DONE. MY RLE MODEL WAS MY GREAT AUNT WHO WAS SO STRONG AND LIVNG BY HEERSELF FOR OVER 25 YRS. I WANTED TO BE HER AFTER I LEFT xah BUT I GUESS HP HAD SOMETHING ELSE PLANNED SO AT AGE 59, I HAVE REUNITED WITH A GOOD MAN I KNEW 26 YRS AGO. IT WILL BE A YEAR TOGETHER IN 15 DAYS. IT HAD SOME BUMPS ALONG THE WAY AND STILL DOES BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER I MY LIFE. IM SO BLESSED HE IS NOT A DRINKER.
hotrod said
Dec 4, 2016
Hi I did not date for over 3 years after my hubby's death. That dating consisted of going to a movie, dinner or coffee and that was it. I made it clear i was not ready for much more. Trust HP you are a wonderfully beautiful women and deserve a healthy relationship. You are working hard to develop yourself and your relationship skills are growing as well. When you are ready the perfect person will arrive
LinSC said
Dec 4, 2016
Whining is ok. Its more like getting something off your chest.....
I think of a couple of things when I think of having a man in my life.
-Am I the best version of myself that I can be? Am I ready for a new challenge/relationship
-And no one is going to come knocking on my door and ask me out
-I think there is a law of averages, the more people you meet and are around the better your chances to meet someone.
Then there is the money, do you have enough money right now to get out and about to do things and meet people? You at least need gas money anyway.
Of course being the best version and improving yourself is an ongoing thing, so that shouldnt stop you.
Take what you like and leave the rest MissM.....
el-cee said
Dec 5, 2016
I agree with the comments above, when your ready the perfect person will arrive. I became ready and it was like a bolt of lightening, It was self will driven and a bit out of control bur also exciting and risky and it passed and serenity is gradually returning. I was on my own for about 5 yrs and never thought of a partner then I did and I decided i was ready and I was going to look.
I kind of took stock of my life, so where was I going to meet someone and I realised that my life wasn't giving me the opportunity to meet someone I liked. I go out socialising with my friends nearly every weekend but when Im with them its all about them and Im not on the lookout. My work doesn't present opportunities, the gym wasn't the kind of environment, Im a head phones on leave me alone person at the gym, then I spoke to other single people and they all recommended a dating site. I looked into it and there are a few that just didn't appeal to me, mostly free and a wee bit desperate in my view, so I paid to join up to one for a month only. Very reluctantly to be honest but it wasn't long until I was going out on dates, it was fun and I met a few weird and wonderful people. Had a few wee adventures, loved it and then I met this one person and it was honestly like he is just what I need, instant attraction or connection or whatever, almost beyond my own control, like biological and Its been a hell of a ride, we've been together for over 1 yr, we have had some great times together. Now my problem is the exact opposite, I dont have enough hours to see all the people in my life, I dont have enough time, Im exhausted most of the time because life has got so full, jam packed in fact. Sometimes I miss my old, lonely quiet peaceful life, it was simpler but I get the feeling Im living now, truly living, taking chances out there going for it, I wanted this and my higher power gave me it and now Im looking for balance.
Anyway, my point is, nothing is going to come get you while your sitting in your house feeling sorry for yourself. Its going to take effort and organisation and like Lin said a wee bit of cash because I did not own clothes to date with but now I do and I love that. I didnt spend too much on dates, just met for coffee, kept it simple, went for meals and chipped in, half each, kept myself safe, met in busy public places, I had a ball and I think you would too. Go for it, if you want it go and get it. x
I know this is kind of whingy but it's making me miserable lately and seems to be my ever present woe so, maybe if I share it, it will get smaller. Sometimes it works that way.
Seems like many people have walked the same path as me and separated and then moved on with someone new and things are wonderful..in fact it seems to be a pattern for everyone except me..
I think it must be 4 years now since there was any kind of closeness or intimacy in my life? The last couple of years with abf, we slept in separate rooms, and the entire "relationship" was about avoiding him as much as possible and trying to work out how to get away. Then I moved out alone and I've spent the last 2 years really, really alone and really isolated; he and I kept in contact via skype and phone on and off and spent a couple of days together every couple of months at most. We ceased that maybe 9 months ago and after getting together for our birthday 5 months ago, we broke up and basically haven't seen each other since. So I've been more or less single for a long, long time now.
It feels quite desolate at this point. I can't see or imagine any way in which I could ever meet anyone; my world seems to just grow exponentially ever smaller. Maybe next year I'll get to go to proper classes if daughter is on track and it's workable; then, each class has maybe 2 males to 28 females and they're all in their early 20's so...not really.
I've been on my own for a long time and I really don't have much in the way of conversational skills anymore and I'm getting very "old and grumpy", I am used to being alone and have not a lot of patience for people and quite of lot of it is bitterness I think.
Funny thing is, my grandmother lost her AH when she was my age (he was pretty awful) and she stayed single and when I was growing up, I thought that was so sad and terrible and always wished she would find someone. She never did. She lived through a violet alcoholic marriage and then she just raised her kids and stayed alone. She's very bitter and hates men passionately. Now here I am, living the same life. I don't see a way out of it; it seems to become more and more set in stone every day.
Bugs me because pretty much the only thing I ever really cared about was making a family and making them no.1; I never cared much whether we had money or fancy whatnots, I just wanted to love and value the people i my life and have them do the same back and first husband left me with a baby, and then 10 years later I had to leave ABF because it was miserable and abusive and life or death basically.
I can tell myself a million things about how if I stay positive and do the next right thing then this or that might happen but to be honest I feel like I am just getting older, and grumpier, and pickier, and less tolerant, and I don't have the energy or enthusiasm to try to be interesting or attractive, and everything I do is overshadowed with this growing certainty that this is pretty much it. Me and my books alone in a room until the end.
I know, it's not very positive or uplifting, sorry for that but it's really getting to be an unbearable kind of certainty recently. I seem to become more alone every day. I don't much like it.
Thanks for letting me whinge.
Hi I did not date for over 3 years after my hubby's death. That dating consisted of going to a movie, dinner or coffee and that was it. I made it clear i was not ready for much more. Trust HP you are a wonderfully beautiful women and deserve a healthy relationship. You are working hard to develop yourself and your relationship skills are growing as well.
When you are ready the perfect person will arrive
Whining is ok. Its more like getting something off your chest.....
I think of a couple of things when I think of having a man in my life.
-Am I the best version of myself that I can be? Am I ready for a new challenge/relationship
-And no one is going to come knocking on my door and ask me out
-I think there is a law of averages, the more people you meet and are around the better your chances to meet someone.
Then there is the money, do you have enough money right now to get out and about to do things and meet people? You at least need gas money anyway.
Of course being the best version and improving yourself is an ongoing thing, so that shouldnt stop you.
Take what you like and leave the rest MissM.....
I kind of took stock of my life, so where was I going to meet someone and I realised that my life wasn't giving me the opportunity to meet someone I liked. I go out socialising with my friends nearly every weekend but when Im with them its all about them and Im not on the lookout. My work doesn't present opportunities, the gym wasn't the kind of environment, Im a head phones on leave me alone person at the gym, then I spoke to other single people and they all recommended a dating site. I looked into it and there are a few that just didn't appeal to me, mostly free and a wee bit desperate in my view, so I paid to join up to one for a month only. Very reluctantly to be honest but it wasn't long until I was going out on dates, it was fun and I met a few weird and wonderful people. Had a few wee adventures, loved it and then I met this one person and it was honestly like he is just what I need, instant attraction or connection or whatever, almost beyond my own control, like biological and Its been a hell of a ride, we've been together for over 1 yr, we have had some great times together. Now my problem is the exact opposite, I dont have enough hours to see all the people in my life, I dont have enough time, Im exhausted most of the time because life has got so full, jam packed in fact. Sometimes I miss my old, lonely quiet peaceful life, it was simpler but I get the feeling Im living now, truly living, taking chances out there going for it, I wanted this and my higher power gave me it and now Im looking for balance.
Anyway, my point is, nothing is going to come get you while your sitting in your house feeling sorry for yourself. Its going to take effort and organisation and like Lin said a wee bit of cash because I did not own clothes to date with but now I do and I love that. I didnt spend too much on dates, just met for coffee, kept it simple, went for meals and chipped in, half each, kept myself safe, met in busy public places, I had a ball and I think you would too. Go for it, if you want it go and get it. x