What to do with loved ones estate after they pass?
lookingup said
Nov 29, 2016
Spent thanksgiving with my aging father,not in good health ,I and him discussed on what to do with his son age 42 my baby brother after father passes,his huge concern,
a/b is disabled physically and mentally ,due to lifetime of alcohol and drug use,
ab has always lived with my father,always been dependent for everything,
ab still gets around ,does things.never could hold a job very long due to sickness ,etc,etc
hasnt applied for his ssi,he is adhd,has been all his life,
im not trying to put ab as pitiful,or feeling sorry for him.
i did suggest to my dad that he could allow ab to continue to live there after he is gone,
af says ab would lose the home by not paying the taxes or insurance on his place.
so I again suggested he let oldest sister live there with stipulations attached,all she would have to pay would be the taxes and insurance and have a very nice place to live,with the stipulation that a/b lives there and keeps his room,oldest sister can deal with ab,
my thinking and it's been on my mind ever sense then,is that it may come down to me again,to live there,
which im not wanting to live there in that town,I'm where I want to be,I rather keep my shack that I rent here in my home town.not having to be around the a life,no qaulifiers here.i think I'll stay here.
my ? Is are there or could there be any other solutions to this sit.??? ..................any suggestions? ......in recovery ,,,,hugs lu
hotrod said
Nov 29, 2016
HI lU it does sound complicated. I would suggest that dad hire a disability advocate in order to apply for SSI for his son This advocate is reimbursed after SSi is granted and the funds usually comes from the retroactive SSI payments.
A lawyer could also advise him about placing the home "in trust " to protect son and indicate what needs to be done to accomplish his desires.
Keep an open mind on the subject and make sure this is all legal.
Fooled said
Nov 29, 2016
As your brother did work, he most likely would not be eligible for SSI, most likely SSD. SSD is very hard to get when its addiction related and before hiring a disability lawyer you could go on the social security website and see how much he would be awarded if he was deemed disabled. If it looks like his SSD would qualify him for Medicaid due to the a low award amount the lawyer would not be eligible for any payment because it is unlawful to collect money from a Medicaid eligible person. Therefore, a lot of disability attorneys will not take the case. In that case you could pursue an evaluation from the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation. Every state has one. If found to be unable to be rehabbed they have disability advocates there that could assist him for free. They also have long term planning seminars that could be of help in the planning for your brother. Topics can include, affordable disabled housing, boarding homes etc. As ADHD is no longer considered an eligible diagnosis for the Division of Developmental Disabilities (every state has one of those too, just called different names) a lot of aging adults are finding themselves in the same situation. An estate planning attorney would be of benefit once you determine the best place for your brother. For me personally, when it came to my son with cerebral palsy, who is DDD eligible, to put him on the list for a group home or boarding home now, and declare in my will the home to be sold and the monies be put in a special needs trust for him. Its a tough situation. Good luck
lookingup said
Nov 29, 2016
Thank you Betty and fooled for your info,concerning this.
I'm finding this very helpful.
I'm planning another trip to my dads ,hopefully in being able to disolve this matter.
Ab has other health problems as well,copd has worsened been in hospital with his copd.
I'll mention the disability advocate to dad,
Can you plz explain as to what a disability advocate is??
Where would I find these such ppl,?and division of vocational rehab?
Lots to discuss with my af,when I go to stay a few days..........I will suggest what's been mentioned here,and whatever af has .then gently giving the results over to my hp,knowing I'm powerless over the sit.......hp is very aware of this sit.
It shall and will unfold as it should .
I'm not in control,I'm powerless over the outcome ,after all I can do....my old way of thinking wa to always try and stop a wreckage from happening ,only outcome would be I'd be drained,and sick .i have no control .........
Fooled and Betty you both are about what program is about. "When anyone reaches out for help I want the hand of Al-Anon to always be there and for that I am responsible". You remind me clearly of what was done for me when I first got here and for that I am very grateful. Looking up the tools of patience and persistence, trust and faith will also help. This is where the "on me" focus comes into play. Good Luck. (((hugs)))
Fooled said
Nov 29, 2016
I would start looking for the Division of Vocational Rehab under your states Department of Health and Human Services information tab on their website.
lookingup said
Nov 29, 2016
Thank you ,Betty,Jerry and fooled for helping me,I'm to so grateful for this program and the steps.......hugs lu
I'll be checking into all that tomorrow ,got to get more prepared for these bad storms coming through my area tonight,might have to take shelter,expecting tornado producing weather...............hugs lu
Fooled said
Nov 29, 2016
Jerry F wrote:
Fooled and Betty you both are about what program is about. "When anyone reaches out for help I want the hand of Al-Anon to always be there and for that I am responsible". You remind me clearly of what was done for me when I first got here and for that I am very grateful. Looking up the tools of patience and persistence, trust and faith will also help. This is where the "on me" focus comes into play. Good Luck. (((hugs)))
Thank you. I am a nurse for the State of NJ Medicaid MCO , so I am asked all day and everyday. So no trouble at all......Good luck and stay safe LU
CH_Husband_Dad said
Nov 29, 2016
This post really hits home. My father just passed away last Tuesday.
My AS is an attorney and she has been put in charge of the estate. My sister wrote the will but that was before her alcoholism. I don't think the will lists her as the executor but she wanted to do it and so far we've gone along. My brother called me just this morning saying that he has serious concerns about her ability to do the job. My sister is either in an abusive relationship or she is making it appear that she is in one. (She had two black eyes last week when we all went back to care for my dad and ultimately attend the funeral.) Her husband is keeping money away from her so that she won't drink (supposedly) and she has been desperate for money at times. My oldest brother thinks that she might start taking the money before it gets distributed.
Anyway, so that is what we're dealing with. Right now I'm not concerned with money as I am still grieving the loss of my dad.
-- Edited by CH_Husband_Dad on Tuesday 29th of November 2016 05:26:48 PM
Iamhere said
Nov 30, 2016
CH_Husband_Dad - So very sorry for your loss. Sending you prayers for peace and positive thoughts for your grieving process.
LU - I am also sending you positive thoughts and prayers. It's never easy to go through the process of aging, let alone adding in estate planning and estate distribution. Lean into your program and contact experts. I've been through SSDI process and it can be difficult, but they were also very helpful in our situation.
Spent thanksgiving with my aging father,not in good health ,I and him discussed on what to do with his son age 42 my baby brother after father passes,his huge concern,
a/b is disabled physically and mentally ,due to lifetime of alcohol and drug use,
ab has always lived with my father,always been dependent for everything,
ab still gets around ,does things.never could hold a job very long due to sickness ,etc,etc
hasnt applied for his ssi,he is adhd,has been all his life,
im not trying to put ab as pitiful,or feeling sorry for him.
i did suggest to my dad that he could allow ab to continue to live there after he is gone,
af says ab would lose the home by not paying the taxes or insurance on his place.
so I again suggested he let oldest sister live there with stipulations attached,all she would have to pay would be the taxes and insurance and have a very nice place to live,with the stipulation that a/b lives there and keeps his room,oldest sister can deal with ab,
my thinking and it's been on my mind ever sense then,is that it may come down to me again,to live there,
which im not wanting to live there in that town,I'm where I want to be,I rather keep my shack that I rent here in my home town.not having to be around the a life,no qaulifiers here.i think I'll stay here.
my ? Is are there or could there be any other solutions to this sit.??? ..................any suggestions? ......in recovery ,,,,hugs lu
HI lU it does sound complicated. I would suggest that dad hire a disability advocate in order to apply for SSI for his son This advocate is reimbursed after SSi is granted and the funds usually comes from the retroactive SSI payments.
A lawyer could also advise him about placing the home "in trust " to protect son and indicate what needs to be done to accomplish his desires.
Keep an open mind on the subject and make sure this is all legal.
I'm finding this very helpful.
I'm planning another trip to my dads ,hopefully in being able to disolve this matter.
Ab has other health problems as well,copd has worsened been in hospital with his copd.
I'll mention the disability advocate to dad,
Can you plz explain as to what a disability advocate is??
Where would I find these such ppl,?and division of vocational rehab?
Lots to discuss with my af,when I go to stay a few days..........I will suggest what's been mentioned here,and whatever af has .then gently giving the results over to my hp,knowing I'm powerless over the sit.......hp is very aware of this sit.
It shall and will unfold as it should .
I'm not in control,I'm powerless over the outcome ,after all I can do....my old way of thinking wa to always try and stop a wreckage from happening ,only outcome would be I'd be drained,and sick .i have no control .........
Fooled and Betty you both are about what program is about. "When anyone reaches out for help I want the hand of Al-Anon to always be there and for that I am responsible". You remind me clearly of what was done for me when I first got here and for that I am very grateful. Looking up the tools of patience and persistence, trust and faith will also help. This is where the "on me" focus comes into play. Good Luck. (((hugs)))
I'll be checking into all that tomorrow ,got to get more prepared for these bad storms coming through my area tonight,might have to take shelter,expecting tornado producing weather...............hugs lu
Thank you. I am a nurse for the State of NJ Medicaid MCO , so I am asked all day and everyday. So no trouble at all......Good luck and stay safe LU
This post really hits home. My father just passed away last Tuesday.
My AS is an attorney and she has been put in charge of the estate. My sister wrote the will but that was before her alcoholism. I don't think the will lists her as the executor but she wanted to do it and so far we've gone along. My brother called me just this morning saying that he has serious concerns about her ability to do the job. My sister is either in an abusive relationship or she is making it appear that she is in one. (She had two black eyes last week when we all went back to care for my dad and ultimately attend the funeral.) Her husband is keeping money away from her so that she won't drink (supposedly) and she has been desperate for money at times. My oldest brother thinks that she might start taking the money before it gets distributed.
Anyway, so that is what we're dealing with. Right now I'm not concerned with money as I am still grieving the loss of my dad.
-- Edited by CH_Husband_Dad on Tuesday 29th of November 2016 05:26:48 PM
LU - I am also sending you positive thoughts and prayers. It's never easy to go through the process of aging, let alone adding in estate planning and estate distribution. Lean into your program and contact experts. I've been through SSDI process and it can be difficult, but they were also very helpful in our situation.