Ive never used a forum before to reach out to total strangers and ask for help and guidance. But with no Al-anon meetings in my area i felt i would give it a try.
While ill try to keep this somewhat short and to the point- my feelings and emotional turmoil are anything but short and to the point.
My partner and father of my child is an alcoholic. He is also in TOTAL denial about it. I have tried just about everything....
I am at the end of my rope with no patience, sympathy or empathy for him or this horrible disease that's got a hold of him. Were going on 2 1/2 years of complete chaos and constant drunken nights.
I really just need some help, any kind of guidance. I have no idea what to do anymore. I have changed so much as a person because of all of the things that have happened, im scared for the happiness and health of my child and raising him in this lifestyle. As well as my own mental and emotional health. Our finances are suffering, our relationship is in shambles and its tearing both sides of our families apart. I'm stuck between leaving and moving on and saying oh well ill just not have to worry about you anymore; and staying and trying to support him and help him find health and sobriety again.
If anyone has any advice or guidance on where i could start... i would be more than grateful.
Iamhere said
Nov 26, 2016
Hey Gypsy - welcome to MIP. As you've discovered, Alcoholism is a progressive disease and also classified as a family disease. This is because it tends to reach far beyond the drinker and distorts the thinking, emotions and reactions of those who love, live with or are concerned about the drinker.
AA is for them if/when they want recovery - denial is huge with this disease on both sides of the room. Al-Anon is our recovery program. Both programs keep the focus on self and use the 12 Steps. I am sure sorry there are no meetings in your area - they are usually the first stop in understanding more about the recovery process.
We do have meetings scheduled here twice daily. I have attended in the past and they were awesome. I do believe they are now a bit of hit/miss - based on attendees and if there is a chair person. The meeting schedule and the link to the meeting room are up to the top, left hand side.
We usually use meetings, literature and a sponsor to aid our recovery. If you google the official Al-Anon website, you can see the various literature that is suggested. You can order it directly from there, check the library or shop where you desire - but literature is also very helpful.
So glad that you found us and joined right in. The first thing I heard that gave me hope was to live One Day at a Time and the three Cs - I didn't cause this, I can't control this and I can't cure this.
Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery. If you have interest in the steps, there is a step board to the top right where you can see the working of the steps in action. Hotrod (Betty) posts a new step every 2 weeks (I think...might be 3) and folks participate if/when they are ready/able.
(((Hugs)))
Fooled said
Nov 26, 2016
Hi Gypsy
Welcome. Sorry to hear of your chaos. You are not alone. Guidance comes with time and a sponsor. You made an important first step. If there are no Ala-non face to face meetings in your area, try Nar-Anon. Its not the same, but the principles are similar. I started here as well. When there was no face to face Ala-non meeting conducive to my schedule I went to the Nar-Anon one. They use a lot of the same literature. I grabbed anything and everything just to feel a part of a fellowship and gain some grounding in the beginning. My first interim sponsor was actually Nar-Anon. I found that just reaching out, the members of the fellowship are actually more than helpful in pointing you in the right direction in terms of meetings that suit your needs. We have all been where you are. Keep coming back.
Rinn said
Nov 27, 2016
Gypsy,
I am so glad that you are here. I think so many of us can read your post and see ourselves. You are not alone! Being in a relationship with an active alcoholic/addict is a chaotic mess. I hear your stress. I also know that when I started focusing on my health and working my program my life got better. I realized nothing that I did could change my addict. I could not make him realize he had a problem, I could not make him successful in treatment, I could not make him choose me or our family over his addiction. What I could change was what I did for me. I could make daily choices that made me have less chaos, that made my kids better cared for and our lives started to revolve less and less about his addiction. It was hard to shift that focus. Just start reading, start learning, and make you time for yourself and your growth a little each day. Keep coming back! We are here for you.
GypsyxJ said
Nov 27, 2016
Thank you all so much for your responses. It lifts my spirits and gives me hope for my future! I will look into some things mentioned and maybe try a Nar-Anon meeting.
The three C's mentioned will SO help me get through those rough nights. <3
Jerry F said
Nov 27, 2016
Aloha Gypsy and welcome to the family. This is a daily "go to" site for me even before I go to a meeting as there is strength in numbers and alcoholism is a world wide disease which can never be cured only arrested by total abstinence. My family of origin is alcoholic and addict and the woman I was married to before finding the doors of Al-Anon was also alcoholic...not a bad woman a very very sick woman. Alcoholism is a disease; a AMA (American Medical Association) categorized disease which if not arrested by total abstinence results in insanity and/or death...it has no prejudices as to who it affects and both the drinker or non-drinker can and will suffer those outcomes. I've been around the program for a long while and also have been a therapist in recovery. The fatal and insane outcomes of this disease are horrendous.
You have a computer which connected you to us. Miracles in Progress also serves the planet and there are more service entities you can connect with. Keep coming back. The daily meetings are strong assistance use them. My wife and I use the literature daily and have done so for years and so we also are miracles in progress. (((((hugs)))))
Hello;
Ive never used a forum before to reach out to total strangers and ask for help and guidance. But with no Al-anon meetings in my area i felt i would give it a try.
While ill try to keep this somewhat short and to the point- my feelings and emotional turmoil are anything but short and to the point.
My partner and father of my child is an alcoholic. He is also in TOTAL denial about it. I have tried just about everything....
I am at the end of my rope with no patience, sympathy or empathy for him or this horrible disease that's got a hold of him. Were going on 2 1/2 years of complete chaos and constant drunken nights.
I really just need some help, any kind of guidance. I have no idea what to do anymore. I have changed so much as a person because of all of the things that have happened, im scared for the happiness and health of my child and raising him in this lifestyle. As well as my own mental and emotional health. Our finances are suffering, our relationship is in shambles and its tearing both sides of our families apart. I'm stuck between leaving and moving on and saying oh well ill just not have to worry about you anymore; and staying and trying to support him and help him find health and sobriety again.
If anyone has any advice or guidance on where i could start... i would be more than grateful.
AA is for them if/when they want recovery - denial is huge with this disease on both sides of the room. Al-Anon is our recovery program. Both programs keep the focus on self and use the 12 Steps. I am sure sorry there are no meetings in your area - they are usually the first stop in understanding more about the recovery process.
We do have meetings scheduled here twice daily. I have attended in the past and they were awesome. I do believe they are now a bit of hit/miss - based on attendees and if there is a chair person. The meeting schedule and the link to the meeting room are up to the top, left hand side.
We usually use meetings, literature and a sponsor to aid our recovery. If you google the official Al-Anon website, you can see the various literature that is suggested. You can order it directly from there, check the library or shop where you desire - but literature is also very helpful.
So glad that you found us and joined right in. The first thing I heard that gave me hope was to live One Day at a Time and the three Cs - I didn't cause this, I can't control this and I can't cure this.
Keep coming back - there is hope and help in recovery. If you have interest in the steps, there is a step board to the top right where you can see the working of the steps in action. Hotrod (Betty) posts a new step every 2 weeks (I think...might be 3) and folks participate if/when they are ready/able.
(((Hugs)))
Welcome. Sorry to hear of your chaos. You are not alone. Guidance comes with time and a sponsor. You made an important first step. If there are no Ala-non face to face meetings in your area, try Nar-Anon. Its not the same, but the principles are similar. I started here as well. When there was no face to face Ala-non meeting conducive to my schedule I went to the Nar-Anon one. They use a lot of the same literature. I grabbed anything and everything just to feel a part of a fellowship and gain some grounding in the beginning. My first interim sponsor was actually Nar-Anon. I found that just reaching out, the members of the fellowship are actually more than helpful in pointing you in the right direction in terms of meetings that suit your needs. We have all been where you are. Keep coming back.
I am so glad that you are here. I think so many of us can read your post and see ourselves. You are not alone! Being in a relationship with an active alcoholic/addict is a chaotic mess. I hear your stress. I also know that when I started focusing on my health and working my program my life got better. I realized nothing that I did could change my addict. I could not make him realize he had a problem, I could not make him successful in treatment, I could not make him choose me or our family over his addiction. What I could change was what I did for me. I could make daily choices that made me have less chaos, that made my kids better cared for and our lives started to revolve less and less about his addiction. It was hard to shift that focus. Just start reading, start learning, and make you time for yourself and your growth a little each day. Keep coming back! We are here for you.
The three C's mentioned will SO help me get through those rough nights. <3
Aloha Gypsy and welcome to the family. This is a daily "go to" site for me even before I go to a meeting as there is strength in numbers and alcoholism is a world wide disease which can never be cured only arrested by total abstinence. My family of origin is alcoholic and addict and the woman I was married to before finding the doors of Al-Anon was also alcoholic...not a bad woman a very very sick woman. Alcoholism is a disease; a AMA (American Medical Association) categorized disease which if not arrested by total abstinence results in insanity and/or death...it has no prejudices as to who it affects and both the drinker or non-drinker can and will suffer those outcomes. I've been around the program for a long while and also have been a therapist in recovery. The fatal and insane outcomes of this disease are horrendous.
You have a computer which connected you to us. Miracles in Progress also serves the planet and there are more service entities you can connect with. Keep coming back. The daily meetings are strong assistance use them. My wife and I use the literature daily and have done so for years and so we also are miracles in progress. (((((hugs)))))