Last Sunday I posted that I absolutely lost it with AH and his snide commentary on just about everything. In this past week I have come to the realization that his diseased thinking is certainly becoming more irrational and his social interactions are less controlled.....really, really awkward.
I don't know if he is drinking more.....I stopped looking for hidden stash about a month ago. So, I don't know if it is more alcohol or his brain is really starting to show the effects of long-term use. He backed out of a party last night and today at my daughter's he was particularly snarky. He had been doing fairly well at events.....controlling his comments and opinions. Neverendingopinions, I might add. However, his thinking and reasoning really seem off to me. Again, could be increase in alcohol, or it is just really starting to take it's toll. Most likely, both.
AH has been very angry with his siblings lately and yesterday he was on an all-day rant/rave/bash about them. He was relentless and just plain obsessed with his anger. I was glad he didn't go to the party last night because I needed a break. When I got home he was still ugly about it all and he went to bed before me. I decided to sleep in the spare room because I could hear he was restless, mumbling and just plain obnoxious....even in his sleep. He woke up in the middle of the night and started berating me from the other room. I pretended I slept through it all.
This morning he was kind of baiting me about last night and I wouldn't engage. He asked why I didn't sleep with him and rather than JADE, I calmly stated that at the time it just seemed like a good decision. He actually didn't continue beyond that.....I was shocked. A little later he brought up his siblings and I again calmly stated that I wasn't going to talk about them today. He tried again a couple of times during the day, but I just ignored it and then changed topics. He didn't say anymore about them.
I guess the point of all this is......I was able to address things in a patient manner today and it made a big difference. The other point is......I can see how his thinking is just so warped on certain topics, and there is so much anger and pain and a need to blame others while not looking/accepting himself. It is very sad to watch. I can feel him slipping away and not functioning well in social settings anymore....at all.
Anyway.....just some thoughts on responding rather than reacting.....and......I can see the progression of his disease....it isn't some future event. Thanks for reading and being here for me to vent to.....
Iamhere said
Nov 20, 2016
(((El))) - good on you for working to detach and use your program tools. I am sorry that you have to watch 'him' - I do understand and recall how very sad it made me too. I will say that nothing truly takes away the sad, but leaning into my program, program friends, higher power and sponsor did help me see how truly powerful the disease was and how truly powerless I was....
Keep coming back! You are not alone!
el-cee said
Nov 21, 2016
It must be hard to watch this disease progress in the person we share our life with, I feel for you. I think you have good solid tools and detaching with love is the tool that helps me the most as I see the disease within my son. I cant control it and the progression, I can seek to not enable it as best I can, I can trust that he has a higher power and this journey is his and I can have hope that his higher power will give him the lessons and consequences that may lead him to recovery. Ive got to keep my hands off because my hands dont have the power, my very best thinking and solutions cant ever do it. Another wee tip I got from others and the readings is to pray and hand him over in a lovely fluffy blanket, knowing that he is just where he needs to be.x
Last Sunday I posted that I absolutely lost it with AH and his snide commentary on just about everything. In this past week I have come to the realization that his diseased thinking is certainly becoming more irrational and his social interactions are less controlled.....really, really awkward.
I don't know if he is drinking more.....I stopped looking for hidden stash about a month ago. So, I don't know if it is more alcohol or his brain is really starting to show the effects of long-term use. He backed out of a party last night and today at my daughter's he was particularly snarky. He had been doing fairly well at events.....controlling his comments and opinions. Never ending opinions, I might add. However, his thinking and reasoning really seem off to me. Again, could be increase in alcohol, or it is just really starting to take it's toll. Most likely, both.
AH has been very angry with his siblings lately and yesterday he was on an all-day rant/rave/bash about them. He was relentless and just plain obsessed with his anger. I was glad he didn't go to the party last night because I needed a break. When I got home he was still ugly about it all and he went to bed before me. I decided to sleep in the spare room because I could hear he was restless, mumbling and just plain obnoxious....even in his sleep. He woke up in the middle of the night and started berating me from the other room. I pretended I slept through it all.
This morning he was kind of baiting me about last night and I wouldn't engage. He asked why I didn't sleep with him and rather than JADE, I calmly stated that at the time it just seemed like a good decision. He actually didn't continue beyond that.....I was shocked. A little later he brought up his siblings and I again calmly stated that I wasn't going to talk about them today. He tried again a couple of times during the day, but I just ignored it and then changed topics. He didn't say anymore about them.
I guess the point of all this is......I was able to address things in a patient manner today and it made a big difference. The other point is......I can see how his thinking is just so warped on certain topics, and there is so much anger and pain and a need to blame others while not looking/accepting himself. It is very sad to watch. I can feel him slipping away and not functioning well in social settings anymore....at all.
Anyway.....just some thoughts on responding rather than reacting.....and......I can see the progression of his disease....it isn't some future event. Thanks for reading and being here for me to vent to.....
Keep coming back! You are not alone!
It must be hard to watch this disease progress in the person we share our life with, I feel for you. I think you have good solid tools and detaching with love is the tool that helps me the most as I see the disease within my son. I cant control it and the progression, I can seek to not enable it as best I can, I can trust that he has a higher power and this journey is his and I can have hope that his higher power will give him the lessons and consequences that may lead him to recovery. Ive got to keep my hands off because my hands dont have the power, my very best thinking and solutions cant ever do it. Another wee tip I got from others and the readings is to pray and hand him over in a lovely fluffy blanket, knowing that he is just where he needs to be.x